I love it so far. Kudos for starting a Freezing fanfic. :)

The story needs a major upheaval in the mechanical aspects: Spelling, commas, periods, grammar... Fix those- The story doesn't flow well right now because your errors are messed up. Make sure to not have run-on sentences.

One more thing: When you switch the scene from each character, you should write "Camera on Kazuha" or something. An easier thing to do would be to write in first-person- you're writing in third-person right now, but it's sorta like he said blablabla... he thought blablabla... That could easily be switched into first person! If you write in first person, you could say "Kazuha's POV or "Johnny's POV" when switching POV's. First person means less words you have to type and less words I have to read: A win-win situation! :D

Fix those and it will be FANTASTIC!

And if you want, maybe you should add a little wordplay or some witty phrases for emphasis or emotion?

Don't stop!

Nice story can't wait to see what happens next