Wow! omg so I thought your humorous stories were great, well this was amazing! Very cool story. Let me start out by apologizing in advance for all my typos, cuz it wouldn't be me wihtout them it seems.

moving on..

I found your main character Mjirn very believable and likable. He was completely drow - drow from the bottom ranks, but full of ambition. His complete understanding of how his society works allowed him to play the game and move up in very drow fashion, while still leaving room for a healthy dose of open-mindedness that allowed for broader character growth. Following the drow priestess off the island had allowed him to learn his trade of choice - for a price of course, but he did learn! He studied and studied, and branched out into lore and that gained him access to needed resources to further his... um.. career path. :) It certainly didn't work out the way he planned, but it sure worked in the end, didn't it?

Finding Valerie and having her go from capable companion to friend to lover was amazing, but also amazingly smooth as well. That she was so young and trusting made her completely open to him from the beginning. It afforded him a chance to experience respect, compassion, and even love from a powerful female. And that it came from a priestess was jsut another shock he had to get over.

Your handling of his point of view was absolutely wonderful. Things like his reactions to people helping, being thoughful, and respecting his opinions.. so new to him that he had to really think about them often. I think the level of trust he was shown possibly made him want to EARN it and be able to trust others. I loved his thoughts and how each time soemthing unexpected came along, he very quickly adapted and acted intelligently and compassionatly. OMG and how sexy was his honesty? *sigh* Very.

I also thought the house he was accepted into was a cool concept. Surely it would make a house stronger to invite members who were capable of respecting each others' talents and were able to work together. Such a house would be sure to draw others with raw talent who wanted to make a place for themselves. How lucky for Mjirn! That was exactly what he needed to reach his goals.

This story had all the basic makings of a great FR novel. You had the unlikely hero, the odd assortment of friends, humor, witty commentary, misunderstandings, love, drow cruelty, gore, and amazing character progression and growth in totally unexpected ways. I was completely amazed and warmed by the ending. :)))

SO... how about an epilogue? :) You know - just a little something to let us know how things are going?

Thank you for taking the time to write such a great story. :)

Yulz

Wow. I loved the way you tied up the ending, and I loved the way you made him forgive Valerie unconditionally. You are one of the few authors to bring this aspect into their writing, and it made everything so touching and real.

I loved the way she followed him to the underdark, and I loved it when he wrapped his cloak around her because she was cold. If you ever publish any Forgotten Realms fiction professionally I for one would buy it.

Lovely. Just lovely. I really wondered how you were going to tie it all together, and you've done a beautiful job. Amir's motives for clearing it all up fit perfectly - and I'm so glad he did!

Couple of minor errors:

"You think I'm loony, uh?" - it should be 'huh'.

"And I distinctly remember you to weight more." - 'weigh more'.

"I am fine. And I know," the replied." - 'he replied'.

Favourite moment is probably this sentence: "Of course, she had jumped out of bed and crossed half the town just to be inane about his wardrobe."

And we get a happy ending after all!

I really enjoyed your characters and the overal story! The ending was unexpected and cool! :)

Typo catch: moment, the two of ( tem) were about to

Okay, reviewing as I read! Loved that Amir of everybody fills her in just to get his own revenge. Mean. And effective. And totally believable. Great way to fill her in and advance the plot at the same time. I love Amir's motivations too.

And wow. What has happened to Mjirn? OMG! The clothes! The power! And he killed Amir! Yay!

Now, this business with the new house. Okay. I am blown away by this.

Oh, crazy! I love it! So totally opposite what is expected! She heads into the Underdark with him! Nuts! Awesome! That's just too past cool that he's the big time wizard with the big time goals. I am super proud of him! And can't help but wonder how Valerie will adjust to this. How will she deal with being the lone human? Will they look at her as iblith? Will her god support her choice? Will everybody be okay with monogamy? His House? Her god? There are way too many questions here to just not ever come back!

I have really enjoyed this story a lot! Some truly awesome explorations of the whole world and the motivations its people would have. Plus just a great story of striving and becoming. And of what it means to love someone. Terrific! Can't wait for To Kill the Moonlight!

Ah, okay. Wow.

Taken a while to review this chapter, because I'm honestly not sure what I can say.

The writing is tense and elegant, the characters are excellent.I enjoyed the reveal of the drow-girl's identity (got to say though, 'we are family! I got all sisters with me! sprang to mind). The events all flow naturally, and now I've read the chapter, I can't really imagine them going any other way...

but, but, butbutbut-

That really wasn't what I was hoping for!

And now you say there's only one update left? This is a tragedy all round!

Poor Mijirn... it was noble of him to protect her. I'm glad you didn't give the details of what went on with the demon. It added impact with just the vague outline.

On a lighter note, I loved Merrick's line:

"And I don't cavort: I am a warlock and I have a Pact.".

Yay! He killed her! That was awesome! I cheered and everything! And the conversation between the rest of the crew was extremely helpful and eyeopening. I really liked the banter between Merrick and Izzhris. And the female he'd scorned turns out to be a big time player just testing him! Now I am wondering just where she comes from and what her game is. How in the world can there just be one chapter left? I mean we've got to clear all this up between Valerie and Mjirn. He was so noble to lie to her the way he did and for the reasons he did. It was perfect in its revelation of just how far he's come and just how far he has to go. And Amir! That wretched thing! Mjirn has got to protect Valerie from him! I so loved his reaction to the female's death. That was perfect! Awesome awesome chapter! Full of seriously plot thickening activity!

Great chapter!

OHH! NO NO NO! How many ways are there to say it? NO, Valerie, ooooooooh don't even listen to Amir! And OMG, I am so wondering if I filled in all the blanks correctly? Was the drow female really about to do highly inappropriate things to Valerie that included all kinds of compulsions and a demon? Did she do that to Mjirn? And just what kind of impression did all this leave on Valerie? Just what does she think about him now? I have to say that the "fill-in-the-blanks with your imagination" parts were maybe a little too blank to really know where you were going. I don't know how much was correctly inferred and how much was me just being a sick, sick individual!

Oh, no!

Some really good writing here - I caught onto exactly what the Mistress meant without you having to spell it out (at 'who would steal him?', to be exact). Nice machinations on the part of the Mistress, too - very drow. There was simply no way for Mjirn to win.

I think I'm a little disappointed in Valerie - it must have been one hell of a show to instantly turn her against Mjirn. Then again, we are talking about drow and demons here, so it probably was.

I very much look forward to the confrontation between the two - will he explain? Would she believe it of he did? Or is this actually a parting of the ways, and she'll never know the sacrifice he made for her?

It seems like I always write poor Mjirn! It was a good chapter, and I like the characterizations of Amir and his mistress. The Glabrezu was a good, even if horrifying, touch.

Tech note: I think the bed should be on a dais not a daisy. :) Also

"where Mjirn was putting up the show of his life" I think up should be on.

Wow! I had to read it twice. This was amazing! The three sections all work so well and work so well together. The fact that he'd trade away a fortune just so he could have one nice thing for himself was so touching. Then the second section! I giggled a lot! But I also found it well-written and very revealing of where Mjirn is coming from and just how sad the poor guy's life has been. Then the third reveals so much about Valerie. She is being confronted with a person whose background is so alien to hers, so contrary to how she thinks the world should work. I really like her but I wonder if she's truly up to the challenge where Mjirn is concerned. This contained moments of pure fun, of pure HEAT!, of pure tenderness, and of pure revelation. "He felt a tendril of his own desire uncurl and he smiled." - quite possibly the most evocative line ever! Excellent job!

I want to hug Mjirn too! Sweet chapter!

Oh, Mjirn. Forget Valerie - I'll cuddle and take care of you! Those two worked well together, and so I suppose I shouldn't interfere, but I just felt so sorry for him!

On a more technical note: in the third paragraph, "clinging in their ears" - I think the word you wanted was 'ringing', or perhaps 'clanging'. Also, when he'recognized the desire laying beneath her open invitation', it's definitely 'lying'. Just thought I'd mention it.

Lovely chapter.