A verry sad storry T-T

Sue...dead...

And so diffrent from the original Ending.

For me this is...to dark. Still: it's written verry well! -With two points, that makes a bit ...well...

I'll tell you, and you'll know XD

1. New Parm. ...That's a town, tha already exists oO You can't name a new part of Parm new Parm then XD

2. The acreature... there is no desciption about it. What does it look like?

That was a really sweet and sad story, I played Gradia many years ago when I was only around nine and I always thought of it as a sabby love story with a really bad ending. I like it a lot more as a sad tale thou what was wrong with Feena.

That was really sad. The second day back and the worst thing that could ever happen, did. This was beautifully written and I'm glad my friend reccomended it to me. And Rain, the perfect title. Good story. :)

Actually I kind of thought it was stupid when I was reading throug it. But the ending touched me somehow my throat clinched a little and I could actually imagine Justin silently crying in the rain like that. Your a good author who knows how to convey a scene you just need to give the characters, well, a little more character.

I agree, that did come out well. Actually it came out great. This has got to be the best Grandia fanfic I have read here. Please continue it if your going to, that would be fantastic!

Wow! Justin and Sue are such an unexpected pair! Even though I don't like sad endings unless they have a good reason, the ending was good.

Finally, a Justin/Sue fic! Waaaaaahhhhh, poor Sue! :[

SSSOOOOOOO SSSSAAAADDDDD! I couldn't stop reading! Really touching!

Not bad at all. A bit of an abrupt ending, but pretty well written all the way through.

Wolfy

This is an excellent fic, with some outstanding descriptive work. However, there are a couple of issues that need picking up on.

Some of the dialogue is out of character or inappropriate. For example:

"Well, this idle chit-chat is all well and good, but where's Sue?"

This is just plain wrong. Justin doesn't talk like that for the rest of this story and the phrase seems twee and out of place. I thought that Justin would be carefully watching his words, trying to avoid offending or upsetting Feena. That sentance seems to be very dismissive of Feena to me.

The descriptive side is very good, but sometimes it sounds melodramatic, or doesn't quite work. For example:

"The place where they had gotten caught up in those military affairs"

I think this sentence is a little cold. I think it would have been better to say something that sounded a little warmer. You could also have mentioned Sue here, to drive home the point that he is in love with her

*To him, the words sounded corny, not enough. But they were the only ones that would come out. This was a guilt that he

was going to have to live with, and he wasn’t sure he could handle it. To him, there was nothing more he could do but apologize.*

This paragraph just doesn't work. I don't know why, but it sounds wrong. I recommend simplifying it a little. Something like:

"To him, the words sounded corny, not enough. He had so much to say. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to tell her how much he regretted having to leave her behind, To apologise for every wrong he ever did, to take back the things that hurt er, to turn back the clock on the pain he had caused. He wanted to say all this and a million other things, but all that left his lips were apologies"

I appreciate that my characterisation leaves something to be desdired, but with a little work this fic could kick the tail of anything I could write. Just be wary of occasionally schmaltzy, overblown dialogue and prose that is sometimes a little too flowery and overblown and youi will be an incredibly good writer

*sobs* That was the sadest Grandia fic I've ever read! *sobs* I was crying. (literally) *sniff* SUE! *sobs* Poor Justin... *sobs more*

It was beautiful, Sue got attacked a little too quickly, but other than that it was just perfect.