[BLOWTORCH ON
When I look at this, I immediately think that this should be the idea for a story in notes. Not actually published.

As in, this IS the first chapter. THE FIRST CHAPTER. And nothing's there. And it already puts a number in front of the title, so you don't have to do that.

Second. In the summary, we have no idea who 'our four heroes' are. As well as screaming that chapter 4's up. Bad ideas. Just to point that out.

Third. THE NAME XIAOMU DOES NOT FIT WITH THE REST OF THE NAMES. UNLESS SHE MOVED FROM JAPAN, (or she did and it's her last name because people use their first here) THEN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT NAME. IT JUST DOESN'T FIT WITH THE STYLE. On the other hand, if you used the japanese names, then go ahead and call her xiaomu.

And on the note of names, why do you keep putting another name after a slash? The first/last name? In general, people refer to each other by their first name (or just last in japan).

Fourth, you're trying to insert yourself into the story of a game which you probably like. This is generally frowned upon when you admit it, although just about everyone who is a beginner writer does it.

Fifth. In the notes, you just revealed an important plot point. As in, you just revealed something important that is going to happen that is going to be a main source of drama (hopefully) that is important. In one sentence. And it's important.[story text] not story text[Just like every other story, this one will also be in first and third Point of View…[Of course, the parts that are spoken through the character's mind will be italicized inside these quotes[Example]'.
If every story does those, then why do you bother putting it on the notes? If everyone does it, then you don't need to say specifically that it's in both third and first person. And it's not capitalized.

Lastly, it seems like Xiaomu in your mind is perfect or near perfect. Again, people don't like seeing perfect characters. This is called a Sue, and you really, really, REALLY want to avoid having a perfect character, or one that the world conspires to make their life good.
In all, I suggest you delete this chapter and reveal it through the story instead of spoiling it for the world to see.

And this all just from one little piece of text.

Thank you for reading this concentrated flame, and have a nice day.

awesome story. i loved the part before N and Xiaomu's battle, where Victini let's the water balloons fall on Ghetsis-. please update soon!

Love the story, Hope you'll update the story... ASAP!

Waa! Update soon, please?

I like the way you put real animals in the story, always a risky move but, you seem able to pull it off... update soon!

Great chapter, and I'm wondering what you'll do with Victini...HOWEVER bold notes and such shouldn't be randomly put in the middle of a chapter. Save it for the beginning or end of the chapter
Ah so the liberation speech is next! I'm wondering if there will be any arguing against it like I did. I love it when people in their stories argue against the freak! LOL my character totally humiliated Ghetsis!

I can't wait to read it! I love NxOC's.
I'm writing one too! Good luck and I can't wait.
Update soon please!

Huh! So THIS is what you've been working on! I was worried that you forgot about me! I must admit, while I do NOT care for pairings with N (I believe he should be single...) your new OC sounds interesting...(Presses glasses against head
BUT IS SHE ABLE TO SAY THIS?

OBJECTION ...I play WAY to much Phoenix Wright...