|Reviews for A New Dawn|
| EvilTheLast 5/9/13 . chapter 4
Great. I just found this story...that leads to what I assume another great story. Now I need to read another 70 chapters before I can read another 40 chapters so I can get caught up. Well, at least they are somewhat short chapters. Errr...I forgive you. How did I miss review counts vs chapters I will never know. I got so much reading to do.
| StargateFFWriter 3/16/13 . chapter 74
Jack, I'd like to point out to you that you are quite wrong about the PROC only using missiles against those who use missiles against it first. Yes, I'm the person, if not one of the people, you point out, who hoped a democratic PROC would stop using missiles against Taiwan. I'm of Taiwanese descent BTW Are you aware of the Third Taiwan Straits Crisis in which the PROC launched missiles right into the Taiwan Strait? Please match your assertions with facts before you declare such an outrageously wrong statement. I don't know whether you're trying to spin the CCP/PLA's ideology or you just don't know the facts. I don't even have to tell you how upset I feel about you presenting both entities as the polar opposite of what it is.
| stonegnome1 3/12/13 . chapter 74
from chapter 73
Lieutenant Hart had the duty now General." Walter replied from memory.
Picking up a phone quickly, O'Neill called the security station outside of the newly added Pentagon chair room. Getting a young Sergeant on the line, O'Neill demanded to speak with Hart. Shock turned to anger when he learned that Hart had failed to report for duty. Then it donned on O'Neill that Earth's defenses were unmanned
What happened to him? Is he dead, awaiting court martial?
| Jack 3/11/13 . chapter 1
sorry for my outburst. I sincerely apologize for starting a political debate over a story but its just really annoying to see that people make out China to be some sort of terrorist nation like north Korea. I mean China is not faultless, its internal politics is more corrupt then the Nazi's just hidden but America itself isn't the saint that so many people make it out to be so its really annoying how people ignore the faults of one side exaggerate the faults of the other.
| AlexanderD 3/11/13 . chapter 49
Before this turns into a political quarrel, lets remember that this is a work of fiction. This story takes place in its own unique reality. If real world politics are upsetting, then it might be a good idea to stop reading a story based on events involving a US military program. Please take the political bickering elsewhere, thanks.
| Shin Kaisen 3/11/13 . chapter 1
Jack, take your China apologist rhetoric elsewhere. Learn your history before declaring China faultless..PLA propagandist.
| Jack 3/11/13 . chapter 49
o great i remember this chapter yea lets just brain wash everybody because Americans is sooo much better that the rest of the world dude. and i love how people in the review say that a democratic china would stop threatening taiwan with missiles. You know America have threatened more people with missiles than china had since nukes were invented. o and did I mention that the civilian death toll that America has which they so conveniently called collateral damage is higher than the Nazi's. i mean if Hitler were alive today then he would confused as whether to be proud or jealous. While china maintain a policy of using missiles only if you use them first. of course been democratic would certainly help with China's corrupt internal policy but its external policy is good as it is. Its America who needs to loose their Fascist Exceptionalism.
| plattym31 3/3/13 . chapter 72
Please tell me the present tense portions don't continue. The change is tense from paragraph to paragraph takes away from this amazing work!
| Animal Kingdom 2/27/13 . chapter 74
This was a great story one of the most amazing fanfiction I have ever read. I loved the amazing plot, the characters, and your accuracy to the military and scientific elements of the story. I loved all the new ship classes you introduced for example the Athena class ship and wonder where you get your ship design ideas? You definitely have a gift for writing and have done an excellent job expanding to the Stargate universe. I say again thank you for this extraordinarily entertaining fanfiction I could not put it down and I am now at this time enjoying the sequel Aphelion.
| Innoxious 2/19/13 . chapter 9
I may be remembering this incorrectly, but didn't you have the gate bridge taken apart? I thought i remember McKay saying they were storing the recovered gates on Col. Sheppard's' ship, and something about Sheppard not reading all the reports that would have listed it.
More of that odd sentence structure thing that messes with the 'flow'...
-Ex.- "Using the communication stones General Jack O'Neill was aboard. He had much to share with everyone aboard."
I don't really understand the jubilation and surprise at the news the destiny crew will be going home (other then the how it's being done). It's not like they were going to keep them prisoner on the Destiny. They should/could be able to go home if they wanted to. Plus many of the reasons people wanted to leave were probably negated by the repairs and the resupply. There are a few other things there, like were there no med/psyc evacs needed at that time? and what about the civvies that weren't even suppose to be there? Why not at least take them home on the other ship?
Anyway, I'm off to the next chapter...
| Innoxious 2/18/13 . chapter 7
a-ha at least there is one mention of an "ATV"... liking it more and more as i go along...
| Innoxious 2/18/13 . chapter 5
gah... Again with the Ipad, you must either have one or really want one to not have them using something better that would actually be of use to them...
Another easy read, some small grammar/spelling errors like knew and new, but nothing too crazy.
| Innoxious 2/18/13 . chapter 4
I'm liking this chapter much better so far, i hope it continues in this way...
Is the rest of the earth civvie population aware of the stargate in your fic? i guess they would kinda have to be with thousands of people now involved...
And does nobody ever put any land vehicles in their fics? because of the SG tech you don't have to worry about power really. You could have 'electric' four wheelers/dirt bikes or even more specialized military vehicles with larger weapons like turrets and shields. You could have a mini-satelite to stream pictures/radar/thermal etc to soldiers wearing advanced armor and mini networked computer systems with a google glass type augmented reality viewer... or even some of the tech in the new ghost recon game (just an example). There is just so much you could do with it... I do like the use of Reapers/Uavs, although i hope you will upgrade them a bit.
| Innoxious 2/18/13 . chapter 2
Her fire power was composed of ten Asgard beams, six galaxy class lasers, 18 photon cannons, 34 rail guns, and 2500 drone weapons she was heavily armed.
-Other then your random/made up weapons, it should probably be "...and a drone launcher with a capacity of 2500 drones, (insert comma) she was heavily armed."
-You don't really seam to explain a lot. Just state that things are this way or that way. Like why use naquadria in the 302's instead of the neutrino you were talking about before (although im guessing it's a size thing). There is also the part when talking about asgard ships "These capabilities are in direct proportion to the mass increase of the ship though." Which seams to mean that it's ONLY faster because it is heavier, which makes no sense to me...
... "the Milky way, freeing up the BC-304's for the Pegasus galaxy to operate with Atlantis which was slated to return shortly."
- the Milky way. This would free up the BC-304's for operation in the Pegasus galaxy supporting Atlantis which...
I can't really put my finger on it, but if i had to guess i would say it's sentence structure that you need to work on. Or more accurately, commas... It's the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack, off a horse. Much of the writing just doesn't seam to 'flow' correctly. I have to constantly stop and go back to read a sentence over again, adding in my own pause to make sure i get what you're trying to say instead of what is actually written.
""In case Rodney acts up, just show it to him and he'll behave" chuckled Sheppard."
-Part of it is this type of thing too, granted there is nothing 'wrong' with it, but it doesn't seam right either. I mean, how many times in the show do you see him chuckle at something he said himself. Why not 'smirked' or something more in line with his char, then chuckle in response to whatever is said back to him...
I'm only about halfway though this chapter, but since i doubt you will use any of this anyway, that's probably about enough for writing for me. One last thing though, I've seen every episode for sg1/sga/sgu, but if i hadn't, then i would have absolutely no clue what is going on with the characters. You give no background, just assume that everybody already knows everything there is to know about sg and move right into it. But that's not usually the case, and even if people have seen it, it's been a little while so they may need a refresher, or a simple prologue that recaps the season finales might go a long way to helping people understand.
| Innoxious 2/18/13 . chapter 1
Not too bad a start... You made jack seam kinda stupid, i mean, do you really think he would ask why they would want to find an ancient outpost? also there seams to be no or slightly off military protocol. Like when Sam basically says 'go to our destination' (like they magically know where that is), instead of something like "status report", helm 'coordinates input and ready to go', "engage full sublight" etc...
Also "Not knowing what to expect only John Sheppard and Daniel Jackson were aboard." that is pretty much the complete opposite of how things work... They have complete SG teams for many reasons, one of the biggest is because they don't always know what they will face and need to cover as many bases as possible. Using fewer people because of an unknown sounds more like a suicide type mission than one with any chance of success.
I have to say im kinda worried about the tech level and your ability to describe technology in this story, i wasn't expecting you to be an electronic engineer or anything, but basic computer/tech knowledge would be nice. I mean an Ipad? really? instead of even something like a 'multi-core custom high powered tablet'. That's like giving a farmer a Prius instead of a tractor, sure it looks all shiny and it's 'cool' and 'hip' but it's not going to be plowing any fields...