Dude... Dude... No really... Dude. This is awesome haha. You should deffinately let those two meet in battle again!

Loved the part with the guardsmen and marines for some reason. I always like to see those two working together.

Great work, keep it up!

Yours sincerely,

Yamucha-san

I love this story! You should continue the story with the marine captain trying to get revenge on the banshee Exarch.

While I found you through Naruto fics, curiosity and a burning passion for good stories brought me here as well.

How in the hell are you not published? Or are you?

I believe you caught the zeal of the Black Templars perfectly. I enjoy your writing style immensely, and I truly hope to see more come of this story, or at least this setting.

This. Is. GOOD!

I haven't read a fanfiction this good in a long time. I could almost feel the battle and the insight into the mind of the Black Templar is awe inspireing.

Are you sure you don't write for a living?

That was really well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Nice writing style you have, though a lot of logical and fluff mistakes aswell.

1) why would IOM invade a maiden world? Especially with titans and space marines? Exodite eldar are no friends of the IOM, of course, but they are no enemies either, usually they are content to leave each other alone.

2) Space marine squad doing a banzai charge against a heavily entrenched position and without any real support, and losing an entire squad in the process? That's bullshit, friend. Perhaps you had confused them with tyrannid lesser cannon fodder?

3) Captain of the black Templar chapter would have overpowered a simple exarch without any problems

4) Eldar banshee will never attempt to parry a space marine's attack: common sense would tell you that parrying someone, who is about ten times physically stronger than yourself will result in a broken arm.

5) Eldar wouldn't have abandoned their maiden world to Chaos.

I'm not sure I understand.

Were the Eldar waiting for the Chaos Marines to arrive before they departed?

Not bad but there is no way the eldar would abandon a madien world that easily especialy with chaos forces nearby.