First off, love, love this story. But, you should post the rest of it since I already read all of it on that teen site you originally posted it on

...I LOVES IT!

First off love this story. Your character comes from a great background and i love the thought of a Jarak/oc romance. But (yes there's a but) you wrote the story in second person form. That made the whole story kind of hard to read. The whole point of fanfiction is to make it feel real so that you can feel like the person belongs in the story. When youput stories in second person its harder to read. If you do it in first or third its easier to imagine and if your readers can read it you get more reviews.

I have nothing bad to say about the story. I really like it. I'm just trying to help a fellow writer out. :)