Aw, Rudy isn't thick, he's just... okay, he's a bit thick, but he's a sweety. _ And you made him talk! OMG!... eh, I made him talk, too. Sorry, I think there was something in the food being cooked at work today, and I got a contact high. Or something. Hee. _

And you should be careful about how Elliot acts. Too much more ego on display, and he's going to start reminding me more of the Sixth Doctor, who was, let's face it, a bit of a raging douche. _

It's interesting and well written. My biggest problem is that, while original characters are fine and all, most people seem to read fanfic to read about the characters from the franchise. Other than Sheyenne, I only see a few names I recognize, and they seem to varients of the characters from the series. Also, I get the impression, based on how well my Wild ARMs Twilight Venom fic went over, that most people haven't seen the anime, so even those characters will be flying over their heads. (If there are characters here from the PSP game, I haven't even played it yet, so I wouldn't know them to look at them.)

If you try to bring in more recognizable and well liked characters sooner, it might help grab the attention of more readers. I hope you find this helpful.