This is a sweet, tender piece—and brought a lot of depth to Laura and Aran, who I barely think (or care) about, which is neat in and of itself. That first scene with the kitten is so striking and sad ("Aran is gentle, he is, but he didn't know a thing about animals…"). And I liked the bit on Aran's presumably-dyslexic struggles with writing—that was another sweet moment between them. The little game-as-a-framing-device felt a bit gimmicky to me initially, but I think it ended up working more than it didn't. Cool stuff.

Though you've expressed it in a subtle manner, I think Laura's internal struggle between her faith and her loneliness creates a lingering sense of sadness throughout the fic that is quite touching. It's hard to come away from this and not feel for her, this devout young girl who inadvertently has more practice at lying than she could possibly realize. Particularly in the third segment, it's quite easy to wonder who she's truly trying to convince - the reader, or herself? Again, I think the answer is subtle, but ultimately clear. As always, excellent work. :-)

I must say I haven't read many fics like this one. The style is very distinct, first of all. After I read through it all the first time, I went back and just read what Laura said aloud, and it just hit home where the disconnect was. I liked a lot of the details, like mentioning Aran's accent, as well. All in all, this was a melancholy look at the two characters from Radiant Dawn I really wanted to be better fleshed out.

I read it; and I liked it. But I already mentioned that to you so I should probably say something more productive here :P

Now knowing what you told me about Laura and Aran's feelings, I can definitely see the hints of Laura's loneliness and dissonance between not wanting to see Aran go while still keeping her faith strong. Her inner conflict drives the story, and at a very good pace, too. All the little details-killing the kittens for lack of a better solution, Aran's learning disability and subsequent eschewing of religion and by extension his former life- they all really help to give the story weight. At first I was confused about the way the story was framed, but by the end it made complete sense. It isn't really clear who Laura is playing the "game" with, but ultimately it doesn't matter, because we lie to everyone all the time-even to ourselves.

I don't think you have to worry about crafting and re-crafting this fic until it's perfect: IMO, it's fine the way it is :)

I really did quite enjoy this, despite the sadness of the story points. I think you did a good job conveying Laura's voice, both in the spoken and unspoken sections of the story. The separation there was very effective, and telling of Laura, what she would and would not say.

I think the ending is my favorite part, simply because of the implications there. It's never quite made clear if it was actually a lie or not. If it was, it makes you wonder, what did she really think when Aran left? And if it wasn't, it makes you feel a bit sad for Laura, who can't even make up a story to play in a game.

Anyway, uhm, this was awesome. I quite enjoyed it. Even with the kitten.

Hey there, Ammie. Well, you already know I really enjoyed reading the first version of this you gave me. I'm pretty sure I spotted some changes from when I read it last, and they're all positive.

You really know how to design a story that moves at just the right pace. You use just the right amount of words, etc. I wish I had some really awesome concrit for you since I know you appreciate it, but I'm just really bad at pointing out or even finding flaws in pieces of writing that I enjoyed reading a lot.

Aran and Laura always bored me a bit. I thought that there was a lot of room for interesting stuff there, but I wasn't interested in exploring it myself. I will admit that this piece makes me like Laura a lot more. It makes Aran a bit more interesting to me, too, but since it's mostly from Laura's point of view I think it just...is more about her. (Obviously.)

A lot of the little details you added in about the characters (the kitten, Aran's inability to write well, how he didn't need the Goddess, how they were all charming when the merchant family came to visit) really made this into a story.

Thanks for the nice read!

Cheers,

-Manna

It was a nice story! I was a little confused at first, but really enjoyed the concept once I understood it. I also liked how you portrayed Laura and her faith.

I'm just going to say, "I read it."

Nah, not really. I read AND enjoyed this, R Amythest!

The lack of quotations might have confused some readers (big-time maybe, however), but I think it was necessary for this umm...style, if you will, of writing. [That, or I thought it was nice. Oh well.]

I rather liked how you added in the abbot's...corruption. I'm sure this could identify with churches/whatever where their leaders and such did some stuff that wouldn't sit well if people knew about it.

The including of Aran's accent was a rather nice touch, too.

Haha. Nicely done with the...scripture (or whatever the heck "Ashera's word" would be called) including beastmen (I'm thinking dragons rather than laguz since it's Begnion, but I might be hella wrong), the swamps and the desert. It all just seems to make sense to me.

...And that's all I really have to say. Nice little one-shot you have here. Sorry if this review is just a mess and if I seemed to overanalyze this, but I'm trying to leave better reviews than just, "Hey! I liked this!" and all that stuff. A good excuse might be just sleep being the only thing on my mind, but whatever. I'm getting off-topic - I'm a lame reviewer, haha. (:

Great work.