|Reviews for Inventions and a Decision|
| krono069 12/22/12 . chapter 1
Interesting stories you've told here. One thing I would criticize, however, is the preachy and somewhat arrogant way you come across. It just feels a little . . . insecure to me. This is just my opinion, but I feel you could have delivered the same points without all the ego inflating fluff. Everyone feels like they're different. Everyone, at times, feel special. There are a lot of really intelligent and amazing people in this world. Not that I don't like the message of your writings, I just feel you could cut out the self inflating a bit. It was kind of a turn off for me.
| Tune4Toons 11/29/12 . chapter 1
Hi there! Quick mention before I start: I’m not familiar with the Tripod Series to comment on anything canon, so that’s there for ya. I’m here from Review’s Lounge Too, a community dedicated to reviewing and spotlighting quality, under-reviewed works, and one of our members recommended your story there. And let me say, this is very different from the stuff I have come across (right from the moment it said: [A Little bit about me-]). Like a self bio, and then later, like a journal. We get a nice bit of history—and I like the Beanpole’s voice. It’s so calm, nostalgic as he’s just talking about the fair and his life as a kid. It’s also nice to see how he can get kinda cute-quirky, like: [Maybe if my ballon worked then Juliet Renault would notice me and I can take her with me, wouldn't that be great!]
The only thing I got for you are grammar bits, but I won’t mention them all. Some missing commas such as here:
[If something is up close than I have no problem seeing it but if something is more than twenty feet away I have to squint really hard to make out what I am looking at, small things I mean or a person's identity, I can tell what a building is so I am not blind like some of the other children mockingly say.] where it’s a run-on sentence (can be split up), and word use bits like:
[If something is up close than I have no problem seeing] for example where [than] should be [then] and here:
["What is that-," he paused a moment then continued, "Thing on your face?"] where if there is action in between dialogue and it ends with a comma [continued,], then the next word in the next dialogue [“Thing] shouldn’t be capitalised.
This bio-style is an unusual, risky use of first-person (almost confused it for an author’s note at first glance haha), so that was an eye-opener for me. I really like the way he has these inventions. Especially with Les Lunettes—I liked how he got made fun for it—and Les Echasses too, it’s interesting how each one had some trial and error or con to it. Nice work. Cheers!
| Guest 10/9/12 . chapter 1
Sorry. I accidentally hit the Post Review button. That was not a complete review.
Here's the rest.
Excellent insights here- I love the way you examine and expose the way Beanpole's mind works. Very well written. I enjoyed reading this.
"I noticed from watching the kettle in the kitchen that hot air rises so I decided to take a pig's bladder, dried of course, and place it over the kettle."
I think that scene lost some impact because you already used the kettle/steam image earlier when you had him contemplating steam engines.
"If something is up close than I have no problem seeing it but if something is more than twenty feet away I have to squint really hard to make out what I am looking at, small things I mean or a person's identity, I can tell what a building is so I am not blind like some of the other children mockingly say."
If that were mine, I'd change it to: "If something is up close, then I have no problem seeing it, but if something is more than twenty feet away I have to squint really hard to make out what I am looking at. Small things or a person's identity are particularly difficult. I can see buildings, is so I am not blind like some of the other children mockingly say."
| truthsetfree 10/9/12 . chapter 1
Extra credit for beginning the fic with a Tesla quote.
This reads like a mini-autobiography, which is interesting. The tone is formal, which works for Beanpole.
You use "noticed" 4 times in this fic. If this fic were mine, I'd re-examine those sentences and substitute other words.
"When I was a baby a terrible fever swept through the area and my parents succumbed to it."
Should have commas: "When I was a baby, a terrible fever swept through the area, and my parents succumbed to it."
"I am not a loud or rowdy person, soccer is fun but I admittedly am not very good at it, and instead of fishing I work at my Tante and Oncle's Tavern."
If that were mine, I'd change it to: "I am not a loud or rowdy person. Soccer is fun, but I admittedly am not very good at it, and instead of fishing I work at my Tante and Oncle's Tavern."
| zealousfreak27 12/16/11 . chapter 1
Nicely written! I really like how you wrote Jean-Paul, or Bean-Pole, or... Whatever. Anyway, great story.
| Helena Dax 8/22/11 . chapter 1
Oh, I loved those books! And Jean-Paul was my favourite character, I'm so glad you've written this story... It's nice to read something from his point of view.
| Woodcrafter 5/26/11 . chapter 1
I enjoyed reading this story. Using first person perspective connects this story well with the original books. Jean-Paul is, I think, much the cleverest of the three boys and it is interesting to see a little of his mental perspective. A good short story, giving more depth to Jean-Paul without loosing characterisation.
Have you considered writing more about Jean-Paul? Perhaps some adventures after he joined the scientists?
| slytherinsal 5/26/11 . chapter 1
Excellent! How nice to see things from Jean-Paul's perspective. It's ages since I read the books and I have to say the third was disappointingly thin and hurried and...incomplete; If you're considering re-writing it, I'd be very interested to read your take. You have got so very well under Jean-Paul's skin I think.