This story is shit. It is Gamer Girl. You just changed the characters slightly and made the school a boarding school. Your spelling and grammar is shit. I could barely comprehend what you were trying to convey. This is the worst fanfiction I've ever read. You should go take some elementary grade English classes and rewrite this. Even if you did all that, the story would still suck. You aren't cut out to be an author. This is such a shitty story that I'm having a bit of an anger management issue.

ummm... maybe she gets in trouble cuz the mean girl fakes her stealing something?

Well, that was cool! Even though I quite enjoyed it I found some lines a little... cheesy, I quess. You should read your dialogues out loud, it's a good way to make sure that they are realistic (at least it helps me). But I found it really cool that Ashley knew how to play and sing (god! it's so difficult to sing in japanese!) the opening theme of Death Note. I wonder who's her favourite character (L is definetly mine)?

ah..wish I had checked my email sooner TT_TT
But beyond my mistake, I loved the harry potter comment and the spill little miss Polly had, lols
Well thinking of ideas for this story is harder than I thought haha '
But I sposse if you wanted to follow the story line and have some bullying...? uh, Ashley doesn't seem to be the type that gets bullied...OH how bout the Polly and her crew(cause she must have one) watch her and take...her guitar...or something important and they get into a fight and she ends up in the principal's office...? hmm gets detention maybe? Meets a new friend? argh, family troubles?
haha that's all I got. '

First, I was an artist who an rock out on her electric guitar, not a snotty kid who gets everything they want by just demanding it.
You got me right there, I love the main character. The opening was very well done.

luscious forest, had perfectly grown grass, and the building's brick walls where covered in ivy.
Yes snagging me again with great choice of words

At the end of all this my walls were covered with posters, the book shelf had various video games, music and manga taking up its space and some final fantasy crisis core and Kingdom hearts figurines decorated a wall shelf in my bed room.

again loving Ashley

I will not bow by breaking Benjamin,-ok I think she just became my best friend.

Now thoughts on thy tale

I LOVED IT! *ahem* but you probably want more than that huh?

I thought that the scene could be described a lot better. Further in I struggled with the wording and imagining events. Things could go at a slower pace getting inside her head a little more. Watch for repeated words that can be annoying to see overused. Like I said..wait I'm repeating myself..oh well...set the scene more. Introduction of characters is also important let the reader get more of a feel of them before switching off to another scene. But this is just the first chapter so I think I'm saying too much...oh wait, and just simple spelling errors...that's it..
ow I think my heart just broke giving criticism TT_TT
NOW COMPLIMENTS BEFORE I DIE.

I would be sooooo happy if this was the actually book. It has a lot of originality without completely changing the actual story line of Gamer Girl. I found Ashley so much more appealing and less angsty.
I enjoyed the description of Sir Lance, he seemed to be less of the cliche romance guy and more...idk..COOLER! But I don't want to say more until there is an update haha ' but I will anyway ;P
It feels like this can be a lot more flexible than the actually book was, such as inserting humor or maybe making the couple hate each other at first instead of high school 'sweet heart'
I also loved the age difference. The meeting in the hall was also very good way to open possible relationship(as I assume one of thy handsome boys so happen to be our lovely mage)
Hairstyles epic, Ashley's character awesome I better stop myself there. I hope to see an update soon!

oh and the insert of the mustang... :D IM SO HAPPY

Moar Please. :D

Write more!

So cute, please update!

very good I would love to read more :)

Soooo...cool story. It's "Gamer girl" but with your own characters. Anyway, I like it. Update soon!

This sounds like a real book that i already read, are you copying an author?