Hey - good to see you back. There's a lot of intrigue going on - looking forward to the next chapters. :)

Oh wow! So far so great. Loving it. Was disappointed when I came to an abrupt halt in the story. Please send more. Love how the SuperSoldiers are portrayed here and how they come to be. You've got me hook-line-sinker. :)

Buahaahahahahah Centralia is perfect! I love visiting there...my family's from right down the road in Pottsville! High five!

Excellent. Well played. I had no idea what Emily's power would be. It was brilliantly revealed. Plus the ambiguous ending is gripping - looking forward to the next chapter.

Looking forward to the Emily chapter but this one was neat too. In the space of a few paragraphs you got in several terrific images - Art falling and describing the sensation/scene (I liked the wind smashing against his ear description), Belle attacking the door, Nina and Ash doing something with their hands (I am a little disturbed by Ash ... :)

Great chapter. I feel like it answered some questions and revealed more of the mystery. Looking forward to more :)

That was fun.

Aha! This solves some mysteries and adds even more tension to the plot. Now I really want to know what's going on with Doggett.

The flashback scene was sweetly funny with the Shakespeare mention. It was an interesting chapter from the viewpoint that I wasn't entirely sure at what point Monica was having her flashback (have she and Scully reached a safe place after leaving The Palace or was this a scene from earlier on?)

Can't wait to read the next chapter :)

I love the little details you put into this - things like Nina and Ash brushing their teeth, Ash having bad breath for the first time in 10 years. It would be easy to think these sorts of lines are throw away but they aren't (at least I don't find them so). Maybe they jump off the page because in these sorts of epic-event stories the little things which make up everyday life get left out.

I am concerned ... where are Scully and Monica? Are they okay? And what on earth has happened to Doggett?

Only one thing persistently drew me out of the story - the the end of people's speech, which I think in conventional print in my neck of the woods would probably be a comma (unless you're using a question mark, ellipses, a dash or an exclamation mark).

It seems really popular on FFN for people to use periods like this: '"I hate toothpaste." he said.' This always looks strange to me. I'm used to sentences looking like this:

"Please pass me the toothpaste," he said.
"Could you pass me the toothpaste?" he asked.
"Don't pass him the toothpaste!" she said.

Had me right away, I'm barley looking into this fan fiction stuff myself. Looks like fun. Yours is the first Fan Fiction I have ever read,literally. Makes me wanna give it a shot.

When I read this first chapter not only did I realize how fun Fan Fiction can be, I realized how good it can be.

I don't know what it is about this story but it really puts in me in mind of anime. (Please interpret that as a compliment.) The plot feels contemporary with some of the fantasy/sci-fi trends of the moment. There's something quite vibrant about your attention to detail. (Scully and Reyes commenting on the wall as they come down the stairs is one example.)

On your A/N: Hee hee - I've known plenty of Bellas (most of them have been labradors ... ), so no offense there.

You're right about one thing - I probably need to go back and re-read this because I suspect I've missed a number of references and forgotten some others.

While the pace is exciting, I have to admit I struggle to get a feel for who the major OC characters are (their individual quirks, hints of their motivations, etc). Perhaps I might describe the pace as sometimes chaotic? Sometimes I wish the descriptions were little more expansive, that there was a little bit more of a chance for me to get to know the characters more.

One point where the characterization really worked for me was the appearance of the cigarette smoking man. With just a few lines, I really got a sense of his menace.

Good luck with your next chapter.

Let me just say it again, the dialogue is really colorful and lively.

Another thing that struck me was how imaginative some parts are - the theater scene for one, which conveyed a lot in only a few words.

There are some 'mechanical' issues which stopped me reading in parts and made me want to reach for an online editing pen: mixing words like their/they're/there, for example. But these are the sorts of things that can be easily addressed either by self-editing if you're confident or with the help of a trusted beta.

Good luck for the next chapter.

I really like some of the banter/general dialogue between characters, canon and OC. It will be fascinating to see how you tie the story together.

The line breaks between sections helped visually to divide scenes. I think that can really help readers.

Lamia

You're building up a fascinating collection of characters. Was I right in reading that the natural born supersoldiers may have a weakness?

I'm very keen to know more about Cancer man clone. Four in all, he said? I wonder if they all have slightly different quirks/motivations?