Are you aware that your writing style is incomprehensible? There are only so many consonants that can feasibly be strung together before the "word" becomes unpronounceable.
There is no flow to the story. There are no descriptions worth mentioning, and those present are so bad that I hesitate to call them "descriptions". Dialogue does not constitute a story, and you clearly never learned how to use quotation marks and other forms of punctuation.

The characters lack depth and personality. They are superficial and fake. Even Mary-Sues have more personality and better character descriptions.
To be honest, this makes me physically ill and no amount of therapy will ever be able to erase the trauma of reading something so badly written.
Do the world a favor and go take a class on writing so you quit slaughtering it. You are a disgrace to the English language and give Americans a bad name.

Should I go back through this and use smaller words, or is this sufficient?