|Reviews for The Kiss|
| flipped fan 10/15/12 . chapter 1
I love this movie so much and I love this one shot!
| irmaida 5/10/12 . chapter 1
Aw! Absolute fluffy cuteness!
| CO-DP 'AC 11/29/11 . chapter 1
There's a movie of it? I read the summary title. Is it true?
| Singing in the Dead of Night 11/12/11 . chapter 1
Nice! It was short, but very well written. Good job!
| adeline mcintosh 6/12/11 . chapter 1
Cute! I agree, there should've been a kiss, but oh well. I've got some constructive criticism for you. :)
Try to make "Bryce" and "Juli
" stand out so the readers know it's not part of the text. It took me a little bit to wonder why is said Juli randomly. I know with ffnet you can bold/underline/italic everything. I'm sure that any of those three would makes them stand out more.
Also, go further into your descriptions. I think you could've given us more of a description of the scene before you rushed into it. :P I find that if you go overboard in the description, you can always cut out anything that seems extraneous when you're editing. That way you can really get into the story.
Some of the dialogue seems awkward, like no one would ever actually say it. Reading it outloud (it feels wierd, haha)will help you to notice when it sounds wierd.
I looked at your profile, lol, I read that you're only in middle school! You have great writing for your age! I'm glad grammar and spelling means something to you. I started writing when I was your age (unfortunately I never finished anything.. ever). It's kinda cool to go back and read something you wrote when you were younger and compare it to what you write later on. When you mature, your writing will too. I think when you mature your writing will be fabulous.
Hmm, what else was I going to say? Oh yeah, you did a good job keeping the same tense the whole way through! I think it might just be me, but I find the present tense kind of awkward for fiction. But oh well, I think that's just a pet peeve of mine. :P
Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to tell you that the book is very similar to the movie. They did an EXCELLENT job with the movie. Really the only differences between the two were Juli/Bryce's appearances and the ending. (In the book Juli doesn't go out and finish planting the tree with Bryce, I don't rememeber exactly, but essentially she doesn't leave her home, he goes back to his and they wave at each other from the windows. Then Juli says something about seeing Bryce in a new light, which is an ongoing theme in the book. :))
ANYWAY, good job! and I hope I can help improve your writing! :)
| Who Are You What Do You Want 6/5/11 . chapter 1
nice short. Your number 39 on the stories for flipped. Glad you joined the club.