|Reviews for Pearl High|
| angelcutepie 7/31/11 . chapter 41
Awe :( I loved this! So sad it's over now though :( *tear* I hope you start another high school story soon :D I'll be reading and reviewing! :)
| angelcutepie 7/31/11 . chapter 40
Awe :) Good chapter! Glad Dawn is back :D! She does belong in Sinnoh (:
| Blaaaziken 7/30/11 . chapter 39
Don't be at all offended. It is not a flame, I'm just speaking my mind, and hoping that you would improve.
Okay...I last reviewed at around chapter 11 where I talked about how you could improve everything, and frankly, 28 chapters later and I see little to no improvements in the style of writing.
Like Scether said, there are so many highschool fanfics out there that it's not even funny anymore. Because of this, you've got to make it a lot better than just a normal fic to even compare with some of the other school fanfics.
The characters are bland tbh, not much personality. Try reading other fanfictions and see how they portray the characters.
And like I mentioned before, the short sentences...
Everything is just 'Then I did X' 'I saw X' 'I went X'. Again, read other fanfictions to learn connectives and other devices that make sentences more interesting. Adjectives, metaphors and similes, include some.
Plot-wise. I see one blandish plot, which is simply the Ash/Dawn love. There are mini-plots here and there, but nothing too interesting and major. Add new plots to it, interesting ones that'll want me coming back for more.
Do you proof-read? Because it doesn't look like you do. Read it to yourself and ask yourself: Is this realistic? Can I see this happening in real-life? And probably the most important question, is this in character? Is this what Ash and Dawn would do if they were in this situation?
Anyway, listen to what Scether has to say, and what I've said. I've noticed that the last time I've suggested improvements, you followed them for one chapter and then went back to normal. If you want, PM me and I can help you on improvements. But really, take your time and get better. Not at all a flame, but it would be great to see you improve.
| PokemonFreak90 7/29/11 . chapter 39
With Dawn gone, will Bliz try to move in on Ash?
| PorcelainDollxx 7/29/11 . chapter 39
Hi again :) okay, uh first off unless Fallon is a pirate she doesn't say ME enemy :p I think you meant my :p anyways I'm curious to where this is all going because I honestly have no idea where it's going :p anyways good chapter :)
| PorcelainDollxx 7/29/11 . chapter 38
What the heckkkkkk! That's not very cool, having to move in the midst of things :(
Btw, you spelt promotions wrong
And omg, if I or my boyfriend had to move away from each other, a promise ring will not solve anything, I would still miss him endlessly and would persist not going, but that's me.
Good chapter, except the shortness between the May and Dawn scene.
| epicXDXD 7/29/11 . chapter 39
this is sooo much fun!
so much ironies and oh gosh...3
| decidedlyindecisive 7/29/11 . chapter 39
I've seen this concept so many times it isn't even remotely funny.
High school romances are almost sickeningly popular among fanfiction writers, and frankly, I can't even begin to understand the appeal behind two bland characters falling for each other, over and over and over again, quite literally. Every single one is the same, or, at least, /almost/ the same.
The characterization is off with everyone you're using in this story. Dawn is cheerful and bubbly, Ash is naive and childish, Misty is bold and not afraid to speak her mind, Drew is cocky and arrogant, and May is hot-headed and stubborn; none are portrayed as what I've listed, when they honestly should be.
I'm not even going to question the Paul/Jessie relationship. The answer will most likely be worse than the pairing itself.
I sincerely hope you'll give the characters some form of depth as this story progresses, rather than keep them as two-dimensional as they are now. The real issue is that they don't act human. They don't have enough of a character for others to relate their own experiences to what they've gone through.
Your writing itself is extremely bland and boring, and the sentences you use are simple enough to have been written by a third grader. Use a thesaurus and read others' work to extend your vocabulary, and merge sentences with contractions to make them longer and reduce the choppiness of your writing.
Aside from those quirks, the only errors are grammatical. I'd suggest spellcheck and a beta-reader to take care of those mistakes.
Have any questions, send a message my way. I'll be glad to help out as best I can.
| angelcutepie 7/29/11 . chapter 39
Awee poor dawn :( I don't like Fallon :p! Hm.. where did they go? Back to Sinnoh maybe? xD lol and is the 'Soft' thing Ash? xD lol. I don't know, just guessing. I'll find out in chapter 40 xD Update soon
| chonosalpha 7/28/11 . chapter 38
Can you update faster 's a really good story
| PokemonFreak90 7/28/11 . chapter 38
Wow, I did not see that coming! Biggest twist yet in this story! I feel sad for Dawn but I can't help but love this chapter!
| XxLost in DarknessxX 7/28/11 . chapter 38
Noooo! Dawn is moving! Why her. Why her!
| angelcutepie 7/28/11 . chapter 38
Good chapter. I can't belive she's moving! Wonder what's gonna happen now? Update ASAP :D
| A-Gallade 7/28/11 . chapter 37
It's been a while. Aside from the odd spelling mistake and punctuation errors, it was great. However, one thing cropped up to me, exactly how long is this fic going to be?
Potentially, it could last forever. It'd be nice if something suspenseful happened. Anyhow, keep it up.
| angelcutepie 7/27/11 . chapter 37
Lol good chapter :D. I was laughing when Misty brought out her mallet and hit the headmaster xD lol and when Gary said Goal! xD lol that was random. Well, anyways :) Good chapter! Update soon, and I mean very soon :) Please not long like last time ;)