|Reviews for Shadow of Temptation|
| RykOakwine 10/13/11 . chapter 5
Looking forward to the next installment.
Writing style is a bit spartan but I like the premise of the story, being a middle aged married man myself the inevitable wondering has crossed my mind of how would a man in my position deal with this situation.
Your character has the relatively easy out of the wife being in the hospital for an indeterminate time. But still, it's an interesting premise for a story. What if the protagonist ISN'T yet another ronin college exam flunkie or other late-teen-sort who's essentially a blank slate with his whole life ahead of him and little in existing ties?
Far harder to write a protagonist who has history and a life and a past and ties and obligations. Which, I figure, is why most manga don't bother.
| Mighty-Glacier 8/13/11 . chapter 5
fascinating! she just seems to block out other people all except yori. i'm so glad she got through that fight, very smart of her to use the shadows to make a fake mark on herself!
| Firefly567 7/9/11 . chapter 4
I'm a fan of OC stories so it's always nice to read one. I like the married man as an Ashikabi concept and I like Yori and Yuuwaku too.
The only complaint I really have is that the sentences feel choppy. For example:
"The man was no doubt a student here. He was of average height. His hair was brown and long. He wore glasses, a dress shirt and blue slacks. He was carrying several books in one hand."
Could be turned into:
"The man was no doubt a student here. He was of average height and had long, brown hair. He wore glasses, a dress shirt, blue slacks and he was carrying several books in one hand."
There is, of course, nothing inherently wrong with how you've written it. I just think it will help your story flow a bit better. The only other thing is that I'd suggest adding a bit more detail here and there. For example telling us what color his shirt is, how pale his skin is or his body size (weight). Little tidbits like that can really help in fleshing out your OCs. There are some minor grammatical errors and missing words here and there but nothing too serious.
That being said, I enjoy this so far so please keep it up.
| Mighty-Glacier 7/8/11 . chapter 4
oh no! i hope Yuuwaku will be alright! i cant wait to see how she gets out of this!
| Mighty-Glacier 7/1/11 . chapter 3
yay! another chapter! i diddnt think we would see the wife so soon. something tells me that yuuwaku will not "learn her place" like yuki wants. exelent chapter! cant wait for the next one!
| Fenschway 6/21/11 . chapter 2
Very interesting story ... unusual premise ... and the girl has intriguing powers with a lot of battle potential ... interaction between the two main characters is done well too ... lots of different plot lines and twists available ... looking forward to a great yarn ... you're doing very well ... keep it going please!
| Mighty-Glacier 6/21/11 . chapter 2
yay a new chapter! i wonder how his wife will handle the sekirei being around as i doubt yuuwaku will just leave when she comes back. i feel a little sorry for yuuwaku. her owner keeps pushing her away, but what can he do, he is a married man. very good story though! i cant wait to see more of it!
| Mighty-Glacier 6/16/11 . chapter 1
an interesting idea! i cant wait to see more of it and see how your characters develop. its very different having him be in his 40s and married already!