|Reviews for Deathbed|
| Qille 10/9/11 . chapter 5
Wow, a book called "Incanations of the Magic Golden Flower"? That seems a little too convenient. But I really do like the suspense and the sickness in this. It's a pretty good story except for the characters being all OOC-ish and the strangeness of some things.
I hope I'm not coming off as a Troll or a flamer! I'm just pointing out a couple things. Like maybe you could have had her come up with the incantation herself and you could have shown her thought processes and stuff like that.
Just some things to consider in the future. )
| Qille 10/9/11 . chapter 2
Since when did they have pamphlets? Is this an AU? Because it seems a bit more modern.
| Qille 10/9/11 . chapter 1
I really like the story, but something doesn't sit right with me. I would think that if Rapunzel heard Eugene trip and shatter all the plates, then she would immediately go and make sure he's okay. Hm.
Oh well, I really like where this is going. )
| Ashlierthw 8/10/11 . chapter 6
How is she going to heal him with her being confined to her room? That was mean of those nurses to do that! How is she supposed to know if Eugene's dead or not? And him bleeding to death, that can't be good at all! Update soon!
| Punzie the Platypus 8/9/11 . chapter 6
You killed him! *Reads last chapter* Okay, good, you didn't kill him. Yet. Her parents aren't that mean! And they should be a bit more sympathetic to their daughter they lost for eighteen years who just wants to see her DYING HUSBAND!
| Ashlierthw 8/9/11 . chapter 5
*gasps* Oh-no! He couldn't have died. That's awful! Update soon! Please! Let him be alive. Please!
| Wheels4TheOneTrueGod 8/8/11 . chapter 5
Excellent job! I can't wait to read what happens next!
| Silverbellsb on her ipod 7/12/11 . chapter 5
I meant to read this sooner, scout's honor! But then I kinda lost track of my FF account, and then there was this whole AP test factor, and... yeah. :-/ So ends my pitiful excuse for niether reading nor reviewing, sorry about that!
Ooh, Unholy Dagger... good name. In fact, I really like this whole story; it's great! And OMG, I totally love your new healing song, though I do think it's a teensy bit odd that she found it in a library. But anyway. You've got a fanastic start here and I can't wait to see where you go with it.
And about grammar... there were a couple of mistakes here and there, but nothing really serious. One thing to keep in mind, though, is putting your author's notes at the end of a chapter. Just so things don't get confusing. :)
Okay, I'm off to hunt my little sister down and put her to bed - good luck with this story!
Peace, love, and Pascals,
| Liz McCallus 6/27/11 . chapter 5
*Hits computer* . .
Don't die, Eugene!
Before I get off-track...IMA READ MORE!
| Liz McCallus 6/27/11 . chapter 4
*slaps*TEN DAYS TO LIVE WITHOUT MAGICAL HAIR?How dare you!
I loved this chapter-it was intense, and I love it when Eugene puts his emotions on the line for Rapunzel.I put that in my own story, too ;) no errors, so good job.
| Liz McCallus 6/27/11 . chapter 2
*double thumbs up* great chapter!Just a couple things again.
-When Rapunzel's sobbing for Eugene, she would whisper his yell LOCK means you're yelling, most of the time ;)
| Liz McCallus 6/27/11 . chapter 1
*High fives*Nice!I like this story!A couple things to work on:
-I don't know why they call eachother Re-Re and it.
-If Rapunzel shouted, and a guard was right outside the room, why wouldn't he hear her?
And trust me, you know I have a short-chapter problem, 's not just you, so don't worry ;)
| Lala Sharada 6/26/11 . chapter 1
Your writing skills are very good and the dialouge is great, but I do have a few concerns.
*I apoligize in advance if I sound too blunt or rude in any way. I only wish to give you tips to improve on your story. But, I'm a reveiwer who gives it to you straight. I don't beat around the bush. Mind you, I'm not attacking you or your story, I'm just pointing out stuff.*
It's a little OOC that Rapunzel wouldn't turn around when Eugene dropped the dishes. If she was so worried about messing up the kitchen floor when the drain clogged, why wouldn't she be worried about 25 dishes being ruined? And wouldn't she want to help Eugene clean up all the broken glass?
And sorry, this is just me being nit picky, but how does one carry 25 dishes exactly? That's just an enourmous amount of dishes to carry.
I think you had Punzie not turn around right away because you wanted to increase the drama and suspense of when she finally did do so, correct?
Well, the OOCness of it all kind of defeated the purpose of the suspense build up, at least for me.
I'm just saying, you might want to reevaluate that part of the chapter.
Also, you kept on saying, "there were peices of glass stuck in him." It got kind of redundant. You could say rather, "Shards of glass cut into his skin, causing dozens of bleeding lacerations.
*Just a small note*
*And on another really small note* What if Eugene called Rapunzel, "Punzie" instead. I think that sounds much cuter than "Re-Re" It's just my personal preference. If you don't like it, you can turn it down of course. I just wanted to make a suggestion. : )
Okay, so other than the above, you've most definently got the start of a good story on your hands. And I think it's a rather interesting idea, Eugene being sick and all. It'd be neat to see how Rapunzel reacted to that, since she couldn't heal him or anything.
Again, I apoligize if I was too blunt.
| ElphieFaeThropp 6/23/11 . chapter 3
Sorry this has taken so long, but I really like this story, and I am eager to see how things are going to work out. Poor Eugene, he just doesn't seem to get it, though... :( Update fast!
| movielover56 6/21/11 . chapter 3