|Reviews for Stay Alive|
| PurelyOblivion 8/7/12 . chapter 1
| Guest 8/1/12 . chapter 10
NOOOOOOO ITS DISCONTINUEDDDD! AHHHHHHH
| SabakuNoGaara426 7/17/12 . chapter 10
O I literally just dropped the lollipop I was eating when I read "Grandpa?" Holee shiet! Update soon!
| Kasoday 5/9/12 . chapter 1
I must know what happens! c:
| Syria13 3/20/12 . chapter 10
walks up to dead grampa, grabs defib. HE'S ALIVE!
| Mujona 1/23/12 . chapter 10
Oh my gosh... Well thats a twist! But omg, if I saw my pop-pop dead in the middle of the apocolypse... T.T
Anyway... *Kills Zoey out of homicidal rage* Everyone: Gasp!
Me: Oh No! What have I done! Your the coolest carachter in the game!
| lonernekonin 1/17/12 . chapter 6
Descriptions are a little better in this chapter but the paragraphs still a little short. This chapter was a little shirt for my taste but then again I love writing and reading halyard at least fifteen pages or longer. This longest I wrote was almost thirty pages an man was that chapter just a wanker.
I have a little problems following along the events order but it could just be me and my crappy brain. Lol. Maybe instead of putting "fastforward" when you go further into the timeline you could put the words: eventually, after much walking and what seemed like years passing we finally. . . , or, once we made is to our next destination only an hour or so passed but it seemed longer due to the fact that walking takes forever.
It would help the flow of the story not waver if you were to put a, not say better but more appropiate transition of time it could be a little less confusing.
I am sorry again if my review offended anyone.
A male strip club. That is just so original it was amazingly hilarious.
There is a suggestion (again. Sorry dearie.) when she walked hrough the goo or when they get hurt a deeper explanation of the pain would be a great idea. Exain how the a acid burning sensation might feel.
Relunctantly but without an alternative choice I hurried throughthe acid goo. The sizzlig signaled that pain was soon to follow. I could feel as the acid started to burn through the soles if my shoes, socks and eventually, my skin. It felt like someone had poured hot sizzling grease onto my feet. No. Worse. As if it as a sticky and slick fire that sent many signals of burning pain through my nerves. Hitting my lil I surpassed a yelp pain and managed a small whimper I it's place. It felt as if my skin was being torn right off over and over again. I could alost feel the raw meat under each step I took. It would be painful to walk any further. Even out of the burning goo the pain worsened with each step.
Burning. Stinging. It was most too much to bare but there was not other choice but to keep on running. Hissing with each step hat brought more pain I had finally made it into the sate house with much reliefe and much pain. A tear surpassed my hold as he burning just grew worse.
( example end)
Oh my god dearie that was long a dbibam worrying this is a bother. Email me of you would like my reviews to stop.
Overall the story is amazing and Ellis is just a luv. Your OC is very much full of awesome and snick would just focus on money.
| lonernekonin 1/16/12 . chapter 5
I find that nicks comments sound and awful lot like what he would say if he actually interacted with your OC. It's ver believable. Your character has believable and some not so believable moments bug hey, who's perfect? Certanly not me. XD
Anyway. I found that some of your 'paraghraphs' seemed a little too short. Some where only a scentance long each and might I give a kind suggestion?
When keeping on the same subject on a person or on a description you shouldn't change to another paragraph unless it reaches over about eight scentances or if the subject changes. You have the right idea though when you changed the paragraph when a different person is speaking. That is a very very good hing because I find some people who don't change to a new paragraph when they have another person talk, respond or comment on another character and it can become quite confusing.
Your spelling errors are very very minimum. Mine are always really bad cuz I either rush, get distracted or write at three in the morning when my ideas are sparking wildly.
One last suggestion. A little more description when someone talks would be great. ( I home I don't sound mean I'm just trying to help a fellow writer. My writing isn't so good but then again I have yet to type anything recent due to my lack of laptop usage since my laptop has crashes and I am now using my iPod touch my friend gave me since he got he iPhone. I just dot want anyone to think I'm being mean. ) anyway instead of always putting :
"sure thin man." he said.
"alright man let's do this thing!" he said.
Try something like:
"sure thing man." he replied with a grin that showed his excitment and amusement towards his friend request and from his own devious thoughts. He readied his katana. Hands gripping the hilt tightly, knuckles turing white.
"Alright man, let's do this thing!" he also grinned with an extrude rais in his voice as they charged intohe swarm of common infected. Heads and other various body parts flying abot as they mercilessly cut through the crowd of infected. Blood staining not only their katanas but their skin, clothes, and hair.
That was just an example and god it's hard to type on this iPod D: hurts my thumbs and I keep making spelling errors! But your are worth it luv.
So dearie. If I have not offended you or any of your readers I hope this review has helped and now onto the fangirl side of me luv.
Be ready darlings.
Ellis is such a sweetheart and how they adress her as a 'little girl' or the like just makes it better because she is rathe young compared to the others. Ellis is about twenty-three years of age.
Nicks' comment on her feelings for Ellis is just too cute.
I have a reading suggestion for the author and other Ellis fans.
Rad he fanficion here on this sight called: Once Upon an Apocolypse
It is rated M for language and violence. It is an Ellis/OC stoy and it is just so amazing that u stayed up and read it all in one day and this abrecentky updated story. Last updated last week I believe.
Now I will face your story, you and follow you.
Tsp tah dearies!
| Saint-Macmanus 11/29/11 . chapter 10
Y U NO UPDATE! please update soon cause I feel like I might flip a table in a rage because of the cliff hanger.
| Fluffy Demon Kitty Grey 9/28/11 . chapter 10
Okay seriously, you need to update!
I'm dying to know what happens next!
| Kite 9/11/11 . chapter 10
Heya Crom3 Uhm, I SERIOUSLY never got to read this chapter until this late. XD So busy with school starting up for the last year. DX But, I love this chapter. XD I mean, I've loved every chapter, but I liked this on in particular after I read it Like when Ellis jumped, that was so sweet even though he didn't mean for it to be. XD I'm glad you aren't stopping writing for forever! DX You would have been very missed. /T,T\
| windharmony 9/7/11 . chapter 10
Hey again! Sorry I didn't read this right away, but I didn't get an e-mail even though I added this to alerts, so I'll try adding it again. But anyways, awesome chapter, can't wait to see what happens next! Bill is Lexi's grandpa? That's a bit of a shocker, but it's not the first fanfic that someone made an OC that was Bill's grandchild who found him dead. Update as soon as you can!
| Mo0nDrip 9/4/11 . chapter 10
HOLY, i did NOT SEE THAT COMING
| Kite Fox 8/21/11 . chapter 10
DX What? No more? B-but it was such a good and exciting read. /TT\ Well, I hope you don't drop it totally, Crom3. XD But take your time, maybe the block will yield some new ideas! 8D
| Jig Matrix 8/21/11 . chapter 10
Yaaaayy notebook stealing! Lolz I just picked up on the story awesome so far. Definitely following