Hmm... This is kind of an old story, but I hope you continue it :D

oooooo i wonder what plan greed had!

According to the site rules you agree to every time you post a story, your title has to be K rated. Including the f-bomb takes it well above that and the site admins take a very dim view on this violation.

That's an easy fix as all you have to do is change the title.

Otherwise, my only other suggestion for you is to add returns in your dialog. Having everything in a paragraph makes dialog between the characters hard to read.

Cha

Critics United

It's realy weired but i like it make another chapter plis i wanna now what happens next.

this is... very weird. i like it though! could ya add another chapter peas?

thats a really good story thanks fer writing it.