I nominated this story for the 2012 Paint It Red Awards, in the following categories:
Het Best Drama
Het Best Romance
Het Best Red John
Reason: "Did you ever wish somebody would sit down and write a really great Mentalist novel? Well, somebody did! The Red and the Grey picks up where the Season Three finale leaves off, and goes in a brave new direction. Superb writing, excellent characterization, and a strong plot propel this story, which features an all-new Red John-related mystery, piles of angst, oodles of drama, and high-flying sparks of romance. Bloodwrites takes the time to slowly and believably build up both the tension in Jane and Lisbon's relationship and the dramatic tension of the plot, resulting in a page-turner of a fic that you just can't put down."
I really loved this story, beautifully written. Of course I'm sad that Tommy died, but in a way it seems realistic - life isn't always about perfectly happy endings, even though this still somehow contains a happy ever after - well, kind of anyway ;)
This is going to sound weird, but I actually applaud your decision to kill Tommy. We all wanted him to live. We always want Jane and Lisbon and Co. to save the day, bring everyone home intact, and usually our heroes pull it off. The rare times when this does not happen on the show, Red John is almost always involved: Jane's family died, Bosco and his team died, Kristina was psychologically tortured...
It hurt when these things happened. It hurt when you killed off Tommy. But it also made the twisted family tree you created for Red John an extension of the psycho himself, in a very real way - RJ always got the better of our heroes, and now his "sibling" does, too. Killing Tommy was the bold choice, and the scary one, because then you have to deal with real fallout for the characters we know and love.
You did so brilliantly, here. Lisbon's shock, and the hallway scene where she finally breaks down...So good. I can even see her saying "This sucks."
It DOES suck, but that's life. And that's what you showed us. :)
"Her voice had gone dead, her eyes glazed with shock. He would have given anything if she'd fought him on the point. Jane's anger subsided as he watched her struggle for breath. 'She's gonna kill him.'
Before he could respond, Lisbon leapt out of the truck and ran as far from the sound of her brother's torture as she could get. He looked away as she stopped at a palm several yards from the truck, bent, and heaved the meager food she'd eaten over the course of their travels, onto the dusty ground."
So real and intense. I feel deeply for Lisbon in this moment, knowing Tommy will probably die as a result of her actions...
The panic attack, the PERFECTLY handled reveal about why Jane lost his sense of smell, the kiss with Jane dazed and fragile, followed by the punch (and his reaction to it), which, for me, cemented the fact that it was still THEM. Lisbon SO would punch him if he did that, LOL!
'I mean it,' she said, her voice gaining strength. 'Go. Find Rigsby and Van Pelt, talk to the guy who runs the place or some of the orderlies or the residents. Hell, go torment Montrose for all I care. But get out of here – you don't need to be here for this.'
'Actually, I do.' Jane didn't get angry very often, but now she could see it rising in him like a wave. He turned on her. 'I find a drawing of my daughter in here, and you think I can just leave? Turn my back on this? I knew this was going to happen. The moment I left Kristina this afternoon, I knew. This evening back at my apartment, I knew. I won't be sent away, as though this is something from which I need to be shielded – as though I'm the victim.'
He was still shaking, his eyes filled with tears she know he would never let fall. Jesus. How much could one person take, really, before there was nothing left to save?"
Amazing raw intensity in this whole scene between Jane and Lisbon; I love how at the end of the chapter they are able to comfort and ground one another.
And this, from earlier in the chapter:
"If Red John had fancied himself an artist when he was displaying his victims, Ellie Jennings made no such claim. If anything, she seemed more interested in shock value than aesthetics. Van Pelt gasped the second the door was open, and Rigsby wasn't much better. Jane blinked a couple of times, like he was adjusting his eyes."
"Jane didn't even glance at them, already wading into the carnage. Lisbon followed behind, her eyes traveling along the blood-stained walls. The classic Red John smiley face was painted over the bed, with one major difference: the eyes and mouth were open wide, as though caught in a prolonged scream. She felt a chill go up her spine, and quickly focused on something else."
EWWWWWWWWWWW! I like how there was a lot of focus on the character's reactions to the scene, rather than a whole slew of tiny, gory details about the mess itself. My imagination painted the picture for me. The screaming face is haunting.
I would say more about this excellent chapter, but I was out in the hallway with poor Rigsby, bending over the trash can...
"He finished cleaning the wound and put on a large Band Aid. 'Charlie always insisted on rainbow Band Aids – she said the others didn't work.'
'Who's Charlie?'
He'd been so absorbed in the task at hand that he'd forgotten himself – literally. He tensed. After a moment he wet his lips, anchoring himself with the feel of Lisbon's soft, strong hand in his own.
'My daughter.'
She went still. It seemed for a moment that the whole world was between breaths, silence on all sides.
'I'm sorry. I've never heard you call her that.'
'Angela didn't like it when I did.' He met Lisbon's eye with a small smile. 'But then, after a while, there was no going back – someone would call her Charlotte, and she'd barely acknowledge them. She was like that, though… Consumed with her play, oblivious to the world around her.'
His chest constricted painfully. Everything had gotten so quiet. Night had fallen, a few random shouts and laughter in the street below. Lisbon tilted her head, her eyes never leaving his."
-WOW. A beautiful, perfectly-captured moment. Something I could easily see happening with Jane after RJ's death - like maybe the locks aren't quite as tight anymore, the names not so off-limits.
"'I can hear you.' Her voice came out rough, though her face was suddenly, eerily reanimated."
"He was met with dead silence. When she finally spoke again, Kristina looked directly into his eyes and smiled. His stomach dropped; the hair at the nape of his neck stood on end. Two of the three candles flickered, and went out. This smile was not hers. It was an oily thing – one Jane had seen once before, innocuous and somehow simultaneously terrifying."
"Three days into his incarceration, Patrick Jane lost his sense of smell."
Talk about a great opening hook! You had us from line one. Never mind that chapter one also includes the sweetness of a visiting Rigsby, Jane-pain, the start of a brand new mystery, and some heavy-duty Jane-Lisbon tension. Way to start things off with a bang!
Highlights:
"'Thank you for coming,' he said softly.
Rigsby studied him. Jane disliked how naked he felt, how raw; he missed his suit, suddenly, very much. The orange prison coveralls weren't a wardrobe one could hide inside very effectively.
'Yeah, sure,' Rigsby said. His words came easily, though his eyes belied his distress. 'I'll be back in a couple days. Wednesday. That cool?'"
"The entire day had felt different: an energy held high in the chest, a sort of pressure that several of the inmates seem to carry on their overly muscled shoulders. Jane went to the yard feeling on edge, ever mindful of those around him."
"The moment she realized that he was awake, a look of pain flashed in her eyes – so pure, so naked, that it pierced Jane nearly as effectively as the shank. She left for the doctor, then waited by the door until it seemed clear that Jane would, in fact, survive. He opened his mouth to speak to her, to attempt some kind of apology, but she fixed him with green eyes brimming with hurt and anger and betrayal.
EXCELLENT story. The use of the dollhouses was so creative - it got to where they were as scary as the smiley face itself. Scarier, actually, because the characters (and the readers) did not know what location or what victims were involved until inspecting the dollhouse up close.
I love everything you did with the character of Ellie, her relationship to Red John and Bertram, the game-playing and the gruesome slayings. Wonderful stuff. Yet another nice example of where the show could have gone post-Season 3, keeping things lively and scary and interesting in a Mentalist world without Red John. I know there's a lot of disagreement on various boards about "Keep Red John Alive" vs. "Just Let Him Die Already," but right now, after reading such a high quality post-RJ fic as this, I am definitely with the "Just Let Him Die" people. The storyline is starting to feel tiresome, whereas your story and several others posted on FFnet feel fresh and exciting.
The Red and the Grey has been my guilty pleasure since I discovered it. I just kept sneaking back to it whenever I could, and devouring as much as I possibly could. Kudos to you for writing such an addictive tale! I plan on catching the sequel (there's still going to be one, right?) in real-time. :)
SUPER great job with the characters - our beloved Jane, Lisbon, Van Pelt, Rigsby and the unflappable Cho. I love it when the characters are so well-written I can hear the lines in their voices and see their expressions just like I'm watching the show. Such a treat!
And, as far as the romance goes, I am a hard person to convince, but you handled it so gracefully - building up slow and subtle, keeping them in character and then creating the extreme situation necessary for a first encounter to take place - that I was happy to go along for the ride. Nice work!
There are other places in the story where I want to comment specifically, but for my general, overall review, please just know that this was so, SO good. A rare blend of superior writing and excellent characterization. Every fangirl's dream fic :).
Brilliantly done. Really excellent piece of work you have here. The direction, the plot, the pacing- all wonderful. Escpecially the pacing. It's nice to see a story where the main plot isn't revealed the first chapter and solved in the fifth. Easily the best Mentalist story I have read.
Just in case something happens to me before I finish, I want you to know that your story is PHENOMENAL. I love it to pieces, and then I love the pieces into smaller fragments, then I love the fragments to bits and on and on until all we are left with is sparkly powder, and I love it all.
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