|Reviews for To be Reunited Once More|
| achapril 10/8/12 . chapter 6
I really love this story! Please Post the next chapter real soon! XD
| RoxyCatMeow 4/20/12 . chapter 6
I definatly love VanXWendy. And I love this story and couldn't stop reading it. This was an awesome addition to the anime!
| SesshyGal 10/20/11 . chapter 6
plz continue this story soon
| amythist7 9/16/11 . chapter 4
Aww,this is so cute!
| LifesDarkFire 8/8/11 . chapter 1
I love this story already! The banter between Van and Wendy is just right, perfect actually. I can't wait to read more!
| Nami-chaan 8/7/11 . chapter 6
#_# SOO GOOD!
| mitsukie09 7/28/11 . chapter 6
That was amazing. I absolutely loved it! I would really love to see a sequel.
| Jade 7/27/11 . chapter 1
I responded to your YA question, but my answer was too long, so I thought I'd post the constructive crticism over here. :) I've never seen GunxSword though, so I'm sorry about that.
-The first thing I noticed was that you have a tendency to use lots of very long sentences and/or have several extraneous details in them. It makes them more difficult to get into and harder to read. I used to do this a lot too - I wanted the reader to see everything I was seeing and know almost as much as I knew.
"She looked down at the picture he had dropped and saw herself , along with Pricilla clutching Van's arm, the elders , and Carmen 99…. this was indefinitely her Van."
I would probably write something more like:
"The picture slid from his fingertips, floating softly to the ground. She glanced down at it, knowing immediately that it was the one they had taken all those years ago. This had to be her Van."
That's just a quick example, but I think it'll give you the idea, I hope. Obviously, my writing style's different to yours, I'm just trying to say that shorter sentences can be more effective than longer ones. Longer ones are good sometimes, but sentences varying in length break it up more and keep the flow from feeling a bit repetitive. Also, those who have seen the anime already know who is in the photo and those who haven't don't need a list of names, because they usually won't remember them when so many characters are mentioned in such a short span of time.
Also, while you remember that Van dropped the photo, not everybody will. For some, it may have been a long while since they've seen the anime or maybe they don't have the best memory. Occasionally, someone might really like stories you've written in other fandoms and decide to read this one, even though they're not very familiar with the anime. That's why I added a sentence about it to mine - I didn't know he had dropped a photo until she was already looking at it on the ground. And it could also be just that one little detail a person needs to jog their memory about the previous scene.
-"Show, don't tell."
I know it's a phrase used a lot with creative writing, but it's true. There were times when I felt like I was being told what was going on, more than I was seeing it. It's one of those things I've always had a hard time explaining and have found that practicing writing is what really helps people to understand it. Even though you're writing about an anime that presumably most people reading your fic have seen the room where the opening scene has taken place, it's still okay to mention details about it and maybe flesh out details the anime couldn't take the time to show. From the first section, I know a little bit about what the characters look like, and know basically nothing about Wendy's home.
Best advice for me when it came to figuring out showing versus telling was this quote:
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” - Anton Chekov
Those were the two main things I noticed that you could work on - grammar and everything else looked fine for the most part, without any consistent errors. Defintely keep up the good work! You've got a lot more than the basics down and the things I mentioned are things that all writers spend their entire careers developing and figuring out the right balance between the amount of details and the flow of sentence structure. :)
| arrancar125 7/24/11 . chapter 6
oh no! and just when they got a break. good so far . . . please update soon.
| arrancar125 7/24/11 . chapter 5
oh no! poor van. he never does get a break. and its "laid" not "layed". the latter is not a word.
| arrancar125 7/24/11 . chapter 4
chapter four is really chapter 2. you might want to replace this one with the correct doc. just let me know if you need help doing that.
| arrancar125 7/24/11 . chapter 1
awww. that was cute. well, i'm on to read more.
| shyeba 7/23/11 . chapter 1
while reading this i was thinking,this is awesome. they way you have them reacting is almost exactly what they would do. :) so i would say that it is a really good sequel to ending of Gunxsword.