|Reviews for Lee's Fantastic Discovery|
| KayseeRP 5/13/13 . chapter 4
lmfao. oh god that was great. lee just cracks me up. xD
| Ioga 9/11/11 . chapter 4
Howdy. I wandered in through your post at Forgotten Fics - would appreciate if you drop by a review to any of my fics. :)
I have to say I was positively surprised. I haven't yet seen Lee in a lemon (may be because I don't exactly run towards any Lee-centric fics), but there was a new way of looking at him in this story. I think you should even start from the actual time-wise beginning, because the first chapter is where you hook your readers and I thought the "real start" of the story got off a lot more interesting than the cracked first chapter, which doesn't really give a very solid impression of what the rest of the story is going to be about. It might work better as a start/flash-forward "interlude" for the sequel, once you've established what the story is all about in the first plot arc.
In terms of some minor nitpicks, I'd suggest not just dumping a list of herbs Gai collects on the reader like you do in chapter 2. People won't know what to look in it, why they'd want to read it and they don't really even need the information to believe that Gai just collects a ton of different herbs. You can throw in a few examples in the sentences where they're bound to a context, like "some x-root for manliness, some y-leaf for stamina" etc. That way the same information digests a lot better.
I was also a bit surprised, when we got to the lemony bits, that Lee suddenly had a leather belt and a zipper in his pants - it felt like some other pr0n flick got cutpasted into the Naruto fanfiction all of a sudden (we never see him operating a zipper, do we, even less a belt?). This kind of stuff would be good to provide some basis for back where you're describing what he wears for the date. (I recall he set up a dark green jumpsuit that was almost black, that's pretty much it.) As a minor minor detail, Ino getting surprisedly impressed by his girth _after_ she's had the thing in her mouth is somewhat unlikely (you do get a decent idea from that) - she could be impressed by it earlier and do the "maybe it's just the right size" thinking then, and just get excited all over again looking at it, you know, from the visuality of it all.
Anyhoo, it was a decent lemon, don't get me wrong. I'm just coming up with critiques in the name of Forgotten Fic reviewing. :) I might consider coming back for the sequel even, although in all honesty, I fear finding out how exactly Gai ends up in Tsunade's bed could cause permanent mental damage...
Thanks for this!
| river of the sand 8/25/11 . chapter 4
LOL that was funny. Okay, I'll R&R your sequel.
| FallenCrimsonStar 8/14/11 . chapter 4
LOL. You're as crazy as Lee, lol. Nicely done.
| FallenCrimsonStar 8/11/11 . chapter 3
Awesome. Yeah it was good. Keep updating! :)
| Brilliant Idiot 8/10/11 . chapter 3
Oh, my! that was rather well done.
| RaeLin 7/29/11 . chapter 2
YAY!A new chapter! I'm so glad you updated and plz continue! Lee is sooo funny! Keep up the good work.
| RaeLin 7/22/11 . chapter 1
Awesome start can't wait for the next!
| 2-feathers-and-a-stone 7/22/11 . chapter 1
I really can't stop laughing while I read this story. Seeing as I beta/reviewed it for you, you'd think all the times I've read it I would be used to it. Nope it still makes me snort. I love it & I can't wait till you write the prequel!