|Reviews for Without Instructions|
| Jody Barsch 3/19/13 . chapter 23
So, question: How id he get up there? :) Super cute scene at the end.
"Is this how people spend every night? How do they ever get any sleep?" That was the best!
"I guess," she admitted grudgingly. "I cannot believe you care what Patti thinks." "Well I don't want your mom to hate me, or whatever." He found his shirt in the dark and pulled it back on. - Really nice, honest, casual, and real.
"In the morning, he was gone. Angela wasn't surprised ... When she rolled over onto the pillow he'd slept on, it smelled like him." - This was so nicely paced, really nicely done.
| pansyass 3/19/13 . chapter 26
"the preliminary draft of yearbook is due in three weeks and i don't even have a template yet." So perfectly Sharon, and I really like how you're writing Shane too.
good girl conversation at the beginning, with everyone in character.
Very happy to see this so soon after your last chapter, hope to see more soon.
| Guest 3/18/13 . chapter 26
Great chapter! I'm loving the Sharon/Shane storyline here. More please!
| moriahhh 3/17/13 . chapter 26
Great update:) Happy writing!
| Jody Barsch 3/17/13 . chapter 21
This was an iverall great chapter! really liked the hole scene of J and A's goodbye (conversation was really natural). Another great moment is Patty's "Rayanne got involved? With Kyle?" So funny, and it makes sense her mind might go there. And Angela's response was great; very rel.
"It's your body," Angela said. "Yeah, right. It sure doesn't seem like it right now."
"Naturally, Sharon had never imagined any of this. She had always had conventional ideas about having a family – she would meet someone that she couldn't live without, just like her parents, and they would get married and start a family then. She imagined likely meeting this person in college and settling down when both of them had careers. It was all so neat and organized in her head, and she was used to things going her way, but when Angela drifted away and her dad had his heart attack, the clear images of the life she had envisioned were starting to blur around the edges. She was absolutely grateful to have Angela's friendship back and she was overjoyed that her father had recovered, but things would never be the same – like her father's heart, there would always be a scar, a reminder of what was lost." Especially like the line hat she was used to things going her way.
"Did you think I was illiterate or something?" Super funny! This is I not my vision of Shane, but I love it. This whol lat exchange is great, and I like it's him he's with when it happens. (Nice job also of showing us what is happening before outright saying it, and keeping everyone's emotions in check with reality - things aren't overblown)
| Jody Barsch 3/17/13 . chapter 19
"I just can't believe it ... That she would… you know… put out, or whatever."
"Why? Because she's my friend?" Angela demanded.
"I don't know… I guess a little bit," Jordan said reluctantly, although he could sense that he was saying the wrong thing. "I mean, she just doesn't seem like the type."
"And who is the type?" she asked sharply. "Girls like Cynthia Hargrove and Rayanne?"
"You know what, forget it," he said. "You're obviously taking this the wrong way." - good exchange, and nice that it didn't turn into a full blown thing afterwards (in general, there's too much angry-Angela in ff's, IMHO).
"You won't say anything?" she followed him to the door. "Angela, guys don't care about stuff like that. I'll see you later." - great
"Jordan Catalano was never uncertain with girls, at least not in her mind." -really loved that. That qualifier at the end is so, so telling.
In regards with the pregnancy, I think you're writing it really well; I like that they're all taking it seriously yet there's a hint if humor as well.
| Jody Barsch 3/17/13 . chapter 18
""It's just that Rayanne… pretty much does whatever she wants. And sometimes she doesn't care who gets hurt," Angela said, not sure anymore who she was talking about.
"You've forgiven her, right?" Sharon said, as if reading her mind." - that was a nice little moment, and seemed really necessary (it doesn't seem likely to me that the makeup would be complete and instantaneous)
""Aren't you my friend?" he whispered in her ear.
"I don't know, am I?" she tried to sound teasing, as if the question didn't matter, but she could feel her face flushing." - cute, I could see Jordan doing that. I'm a big fan of Jordan getting his point across with as little words as necessary. Though I think tha line he says about whether Sharon's ever cut class woul have been said to her rather than about her.
I've never subscribed to the idea that all these kids would ever settle into one happy settled group of friends, but I did like the way Shane hit on Sharon, calling her "Gorgeous" and walking her away from he others. That worked really nicely.
| Jody Barsch 3/17/13 . chapter 17
Especially liked the writing of Jordan in this chapter. And this line was SO like the show: ""Uh… my mom dropped a wine glass once by accident. It smashed all over the floor."" So Angela, so cute, and a nice way for you to address their differences without making it big serious 'thing'.
| Jody Barsch 3/12/13 . chapter 15
Slowly making my way through :) Really liked the opening insight in the Tino-Rayanne dynamic, great take on it! Also loved the moment when Sharon says it's not that Angela's angry but hurt.
(Think Rickie was the actual stage manager, not the character, but this works. Nice to see the girls make up.)
| pansyass 3/10/13 . chapter 25
so happy to see this story back in motion - i love sweet, slow talking Jordan and how he is with Angela, and Patti, and especially with snippity Danielle. and while we're on what i love, i'd kinda like to see the sharon shane thread play out a little more. but mainly, glad you're writing again and hope you get more time and more inspiration and we get more story.
| moriahhh 3/9/13 . chapter 25
I'm glad to see you back with another update:) I love when Jordan shows his acwardly supportive self. My spelling sucks sorry
| Jody Barsch 1/26/13 . chapter 12
Interesting backstory. Some moments that stood out:
""What is up with you and my mom?" Angela rolled her eyes as he got into the driver's side." :-D
"And I thought that I was getting to know him when I found out he couldn't read."
"Sometimes it's just… me." - really good
| Jody Barsch 1/26/13 . chapter 11
Really like this chapter and its description of Jordan's boredom with his own life. I like the idea that it's not so much him trying to reform for Angela, but that Angela seems to be a symptom of the bigger issue, he's bored and looking for a change (chapter aptly titled).
Some great lines:
(from the previous chapter) "Why would you be embarrassed?" he cast an amused glance at her. "I was the asshole, not you." - that needed to be said
"He couldn't believe it wasn't Friday yet. Well, technically it was Friday now, but he still had a whole day of school to get through, hungover."
"they were desperate like they always needed the attention. He was starting to get sick of it."
""Slut!" Shane yelled at her retreating figure. He shrugged at Jordan,
Jordan shrugged. "Too easy."" - Love funny irreverent Shane
"Jordan turned to face him. "Don't you ever like, get bored with the way your life is going?" "You think a girl is enough to change any of that?" Shane posed a question of his own, his words slightly distorted by the cigarette between his lips as he lit it."
""You're looking for a challenge, man. She's not gonna give it up easily, and you know it." Shane followed him to the makeshift bar area, where they got new beers and he checked out all the girls in the loft."
""I'll cheers to that!" Shane knocked his cup of beer against Jordan's. "To blue balls and the good girls who cause them!""
"Did Angela really know what her ex best friend's life was really like? She sure didn't know about his, and he didn't want her to know. It was too depressing. She probably thought it was exciting or something, but it really wasn't, half the time."" - such a great moment; I love that they both are mystified by the other, they both attribute characteristics to the other that might not be accurate...
"He pretended not to notice, but that kid watched her all the time, and he was always hanging around with a hungry look on his face." - so true, really needs to be a storyline (I have one with that too!)
| Jody Barsch 11/12/12 . chapter 8
Loved the reflection that in the costume Rayanne could be a totally different person - the kind of person that wouldn't have done what she's done. Really liked the conversation about self between Angela and Corey
(Was the "I'm Gone" at the end a callout to RENT?)
| Jody Barsch 11/12/12 . chapter 7
Liked the exchange between Rayanne and Amber, it sounded like them. (And good choice for Portishead.) I don't buy Patty sending Jordan up to Angela's room. I really liked how the "crowding me" remark still stings, that totally makes sense. It was a great moment when her parents bring up Rayanne in front of Jordan - would have liked to have seen his reaction (though maybe I misread that scene... was Jordan somewhere else?). Proud of Angela here: "Angela was tempted to pull his hand into hers but it seemed more like something she wanted for herself in that moment, so she refrained."