this was cute 33 i loved it when it went "and kisses her so hard he knocks her breath out." i didnt quite understand what was up with the things in italics, and parenthasis, but oh well!

Writen beautifully

This is interesting.

In a good way, of course. :) These two don't get nearly as much attention as they deserve.

Brilliant story.

I honestly can't believe that no one else has reviewed this yet. You are an amazing writer, and I feel that you've captured those two's personnalities very well, especially Hiyori's thoughts about how well Shinji knows her. I also like your style very much; the musical expressions were cool, and the phrases in brackets were an excellent idea. Bravo for this story! I look forward to reading more of your stuff.