|Reviews for Yotsuba and computer!|
| Four Dimensional 1/19/13 . chapter 1
Funny stuff. No, the end, continue please! I'm sure we all want to see if she breaks the computer, gets a Facebook, or chats with people or whatever.
| Dsman 12/8/12 . chapter 1
no no yotsuba step away from the computer you green haired nut
| Dia 12/1/12 . chapter 1
If I'm gonna give criticism, it'd be to not use emoticons and describe their emotions.
| BlackPoppy.0 7/23/12 . chapter 1
u captured yotsuba perfectly! i can totally seeing this happening! good job!
| mmmmmmm 7/10/12 . chapter 1
this isn't bad at all! it's cute and it fits the characters well!
| Mythril Moth 9/20/11 . chapter 1
Okay, since you're new to writing, I'm going to give you a pointer, which is the absolute most important thing you need to know about writing prose:
For dialogue, ONE SPEAKER PER PARAGRAPH.
You DO NOT do this:
"Hi!" She said. "Hello!" He replied. "What are you doing today?" she asked. "Nothing," he said. "Oh, then let's do something," she said.
You do THIS:
"Hi!" She said.
"Hello!" He replied.
"What are you doing today?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said.
"Oh, then let's do something," she said.
See how much easier it is to follow that?
Edit your story and maybe I'll offer some more critique/advice. I literally cannot read it as it is now.
| Gloxinia 8/31/11 . chapter 1
Aww, this was cute. You should have different paragraphs when someone new is talking. But still a nice read. Continue writing!
| James Birdsong 8/28/11 . chapter 1
Good of course