|Reviews for For Victory|
| Tamie Kwist 8/17/11 . chapter 3
Your writing is much better. Less use of dialogue tags improves the story, but also remember to use them when necessary... for example I might have gotten lost in the section where Willie says "Who's there?" and Donovan answers, had I not seen the episode.
BTW I was tickled when Donovan kissed Julie before she left to go with Allen. I would have liked to have seen more of a conflict with them in this episode, a bigger fight about him being over protective of her.
And I wonder if you would try to take a stab at the disintegration of their relationship before Maitland comes on the scene in The Secret Underground. I think it will be fun if you write another story to fill in some "in betweens" through that episode. Apparently Donovan and Julie weren't a couple by then. But how did they get to that point? Okay, I am a little obsessed with them and it shows. (speaking of which, would you have a look at "Aftermath of Deception", my story and maybe give feedback)
Also, one more thing... I think you should incorporate scene breaks for better formatting. So before changing to a new scene, hit return, and either use three asterix *** or the pound sign # then hit return again.
| Tamie Kwist 8/8/11 . chapter 2
What a nice surprise, Martin didn't die after all! Interesting story you have brewing. You have an awful lot of dialogue and I would like to see more action. I want to "see" more period. Practice describing settings and people.
A little writing tidbit for you... play up your dialogue tags. You use the word "Said" an awful lot like he said, she said, for almost every tag. Also if you are using a dialogue tag like he said, she said... etc, put a comma inside the closing quotations instead of a period like so.
"You look beautiful," Mike said. (note comma instead of period inside quotations