Aaahhh...nobody smashes the heart to smithereens, blows the soul to bits in the ether like you do.

I want to shake Edward & tell him just because he tried therapeutic drugs 10, 15, or 20 years ago does not mean there have not been advancements in treatment, new possibilities, if only he would try, just try.

And if Edward had taken Bella with him to his counselor, he or she could have explained Edward's condition, how unpredictable, inconsistent, volatile, completely out-of-control their emotions, behaviors, & actions can be to the somewhat naive Bella.

But then, you probably would not have the big buildup, huge, devastating crash, & complex web of their relationship, no?

jansails/jan2

Thank you for sharing but you're right, nothing new inside his head.

Have a wonderful vacations!

Wow.

I just can't hate him, though.

He's just broken. They're both just broken.

xx

Joy

Yeah - I decided to read it - even though I said I probably wouldn't. Pretty much as expected. It was clear that he was trying to get her to leave, because he couldn't do that himself. Sad :(

Wow. Intense. Thank you for at least letting us know he DID in fact love her despite his manic depression. I needed that.

Seeing his struggle from his POV makes him almost forgivable. He tried to protect her, I see that now. He was helpless with that disease. Ironically, I spent the day with a close friend who recently decided to leave her husband and gorgeous girls and run off to Germany to find love with her second cousin. It's clear that she was in a slow cycling manic stage when she left, and now she's fallen into a deep depression. I get that she's sick and probably not responsible for her actions. But the fallout is already enormous. Her family's devastated. And she wants them to accept her choice and continue to love her as she abandons them all AGAIN and runs back to Germany.

What saves your character is that he knows what he's doing is wrong when he fucks her too hard. He's known he's going to hurt her all along, although he doesn't yet know that she won't move on. You've written a true tragedy here. Or at least one that's lasted twenty years. But Bella seems to be on the cusp of making a big decision. Is she going to let Edward into her life again? I think so. I hope so.

Have a wonderful vacation and know that we'll all be theorizing...and, more importantly, hoping...until you get back and continue the story. You rock.

I am an emotional wreck right now! After I read your update this morning, I spent hours on YouTube watching The Smiths which lead to Ferris Buellers Day Off (a cover of The Smiths us in the movie) which lead me to eighties nostalgia and looking for eighties stuff on YouTube but I kept going back to The Smiths and thinking of high school and old friends and mistakes made. Very bittersweet. Then as I was finally getting ready for bed, I see Once Upon a Saturday was posted early. I thought I would have a night of sleep to recover from this day of funk and YouTube bender before I read that! So I was even more of a mess. My kids think I am crazy. So then I review for TroubleFollows and find THIS! Will someone please come get me off the floor and put me to bed?

I really liked this EPOV. Thank you. During my YouTube bender today, I went back and scanned each chapter while listening to the songs. I noticed that there were two or three EPOVs mixed in towards the beginning. Did you kind of phase him out as you were writing? Did it just happen or feel better with only Bella talking?

That was so sad to read. It was exactly what I had expected him to feel. Thank you so much and for giving us girls from FB this special treat. This truly is a masterpiece you are creating!

So painful. So beautiful. I have to go back an reread the entire story. The story is so well done. Thank you for this unexpected surprise outtake.

You decided to make my night! Oh poor Edward. Poor Emo-Lightward. He's so sad and sick. I loved a little peek inside his head. Thanks for writing. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being awesome :)

Thickets.

xoxo

Thank you for that glimpse into Edward's head! Loved it!

I eagerly await each update for this story. My family carries the burden of mental illness. I relate to your characters and their pain, and their desperate desire for something different.

Thank you first of all for giving us a glimpse into Edward's head. I've always felt a sense of desperation from him since they first got into the limo. Desperation in the sense that he was desperately trying to fight an inner battle. My heart breaks for both of them. He has a mental illness...how can you hate somebody that is trying so hard not to succumb but is fighting a losing battle. I can't wait for the next chapter. Thank you for a brilliant story!

Hugs,

Chrisann

Of course I had to read it. It wasn't even a question for me. This struck me this morning when I read it: "Oh my fucking god, Bella… This shit isn't about me! It's about you. I never wanted this. Never. I never meant for any of this..."

I don't think he means what she thinks he means. I think he means their relationship - how he never wanted to pull her under with him. :(

good ot