|Reviews for Scars of Our Past, Sins of Our Future|
| Your Anon Reader 4/17/13 . chapter 13
Hey there beautiful! It's a sad thing to say, but I (we) have to inform you that this will not be pretty. Might sound offending as well if you're protective of your creation, but opinions come with pros and cons, don't it? No?
Anyway, let's get onto the serious topic. As you had stated already in the beginning that you don't know G.I Joe well, I had prepared myself for canon facts being mistaken or character's OOC. But honestly, how you manage to keep the facts and story line going... well, sort of impress me. In a neutrally bad way, if you get the wrong impression. The story flow really went too fast and sometime I couldn't understand what was really going on. The most stand out example would be Nyx's and Snake's relationship, it just... 'there' before I can spell 'love at first sight'. It's almost unnatural, I must say. Let's consider your own character's personality a bit- she's headstrong (damn right she is) and really clings onto her grief and hatred well. And I meant well. But just, I don't know, after a few events, one or two chapters, and she's already fawning over Snake. I have to re-read a few times and still don't see what make them fall so hard for each other. This's what me and my fellow Anon friends like to label as 'typical'. Typically shojou, that's it. And while we're talking about her emotional life, let's have a small talk about her as well.
I... still don't get why you have to put so many trauma in her past. I get it, I get it, traumatic past usually give birth to very badass characters. But this much is almost ridiculous... Sue-ish, even. Her personality is shallow and I can't see any depths in it. And she's too strong for her own sake! I seriously suggest you tone down your future characters and give them more depth in your future stories. Nyx is an interesting character- there're parts where you portrayed her the way that captured me, it really did. It made me wonder about her and kept me going. But then those moments went by like flashes and I lost sight of that character again.
And then there's your writing skill. I don't deny that your writing skill is quite good, but you paid too much attention to unnecessary details and used too many 'raw' words for description in your story. Like some parts where you describe '...there's a saliva line left his mouth...'; it's really... well, 'raw'. Too raw, maybe. Unless you're writing some word-description of a scene in your head or writing porn-ish stuff, don't do this. If use carefully, it could give the reader a certain impact that will thrill them more. If use wrong, well, it made your readers cringe. There're also mistakes here and there throughout the stories and many plot holes that I found very confusing. You put too much efforts in creating new, thrilling events in the story that you actually forgot about solving the ones you already planted in. I have many questions for you, my dear, but most of them are left unanswered in the back of my mind as new questions start pressing them further down.
As I have only read 12 chapters of the story so far and still have a long way to go, I will stop my half-ass (or smartass, whichever you prefer) rant / review over here. Please don't take me wrong for trying to offend you or anything, I honestly believe the story could have gone much, much better and this's just my own opinion about what's lacking and what's wrong about the story. My suggestion for you: You should do research. About canon facts, personalities, alternations and all. Wiki and Yahoo! Answer are your best friends. Try going about reading and trading opinion with other writers to get inspiration and experience. Do little quizzes here and there all over the Internet, investigate your own character, get to know them more, GIVE THEM VOICES AND DEPTH. Make them someone who're more than just your imagination alone- make then real in your mind and try giving your readers that impression. I do suggest trying to separate what YOU think and want from what YOUR CHARACTER think and want. Don't go 'Oh this's cool, let's have her do this!' just because you think it's cool. Give Nyx her voice, and she'll speak to you- you will know how to write her down and turn her into something beautiful, much more beautiful than what you have here.
Alright-y then, I guess that's the last of it. I do sincerely hope my tips and opinion will help you improve your skills more and more. Now I will go read the rest of the story. Best luck in improving, and many many thanks for reading this through.
Your Anon Reader.
| Guest 9/18/12 . chapter 4
| Turtletails 8/6/12 . chapter 3
I love it. The writing flows very nicely and you have a very good voice. The only thing that irks me just a little is the change in point of veiw. It kinda jars me out of reading.
| booklover1598 7/8/12 . chapter 21
Nooooooo! Not the ! D'X Soooo SAAAAAAAAD! When's the sequal, or have you already posted it? I hope so! I loved this story, it's great!
| Tiryn 1/7/12 . chapter 21
DUDE, WHERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER! I freaked out when I realized that there wasn't another chapter...
Please update soon! I love the twisted-ness of the entire story XD
| MorWolfMor 12/27/11 . chapter 21
Aww it ends there? The suspense is gonna kill me. Lol very good job on this entire story 0 I can't wait for the sequel :)
And thanks so much for mentioning me 0 lol happy writing
| I'mSexyAndYouKnowItGlitch 12/26/11 . chapter 21
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WTF.
| MustangLover97 12/26/11 . chapter 21
NOO! Can't believe we don't get to hear about the baby. *grumble grumble*
Can't wait to see the second movie so that I can read the sequel to this one! This is going to drive me nuts now...
But anyway, on a positive note, it was very good and I hope that you keep writing. ;)
| MustangsLover97 12/25/11 . chapter 20
...No idea how to respond to that! But I do know that Jace is probably going to end up killing TC. Right now, I do feel kind of bad for him...
Oh well. Great story and can't wait to read the next chapter. And just as an update: Next chapter for Caged 2 will be a little late because I just haven't had any really good ideas to get the beginning off with and I've been lazy. So, just as a heads up that it may be a while longer.
| SilverWindAurora 12/24/11 . chapter 7
Hey what sigma six episode do u find out or see that he has blonde hair and blue eyes cuz I've been trying to find it
| MorWolfMor 12/24/11 . chapter 20
Whaaatt? Cliffhanger! What the hell! This is madness I tell you O.o great job on the chapter tho :)
| I'mSexyAndYouKnowItGlitch 12/24/11 . chapter 20
Wait I got confused at the end. But, Merrry Christmas and a happy new year!
| I'mSexyAndYouKnowItGlitch 12/17/11 . chapter 19
Wo. I did NOT see that coming. With all these situations happening at once, the next thing you know she becomes pregnat!...Uh oh...
| MorWolfMor 12/17/11 . chapter 19
I loves the proposal! :D so sweet 0 I loved this chapter. Great job :)
| mystic twilight princess 12/15/11 . chapter 1
love your fanfic. but how do you do break lines like that? its really cool.