|Reviews for Alone|
| Scarlet Garter 11/27/11 . chapter 5
O-o-o-o-kay, now another... (gives an encouraging little pat)
| Scarlet Garter 10/23/11 . chapter 4
Not so much a review as a WHERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER?
| Scarlet Garter 10/23/11 . chapter 3
A few more examples of excellent phrasing:
"true as a Munchkin fortune cookie" (This one made me giggle)
"Lei's voice rang through the quiet of the hall like the chime of a bell..." (this one goes in my "phrases to steal" file.)
You really do have a way with words. What's a "git"-if I'm reading that right? Keep in mind some of your readers are not young and "up" on the latest slang...
| Scarlet Garter 10/15/11 . chapter 2
"That blue one with the, oh you know the... swishy bits."
I love that line, and the scenes that follow it. I can just see Lei going through her closet and gown after gown flying through the air as she rejects them.
I was a little put off by the ending lines about Lei taking her top off. There was a TV commercial running here for a time that has some snarky guy telling his date to take her top off meaning the lid of the container of some kind of food being served-which I just found really irritating. The commercial isn't your doing, of course, but the line in your story-to me-is just as distressing. Everything flows so smoothly up to that point. I know you could have found a more eloquent way to demonstrate Cain's 'discombobulation'.
Looking forward to the next chapter(s)
| Scarlet Garter 10/15/11 . chapter 1
This is really very nicely done.
The grammar is correct, good spelling and punctuation. To my thinking, fan-fic is a training ground for the professional writer-to-be, and getting the mechanics of a story correct is critical. You've done that exceptionally well for a "first anything".
I also like the story-line so far. I like the idea of Cain paired with ladies other than DG, so I'm eager to see where this goes. Tin Man is a strong favorite of mine and it's good to see a few new stories still coming along.
Keep up the tood work.
| Lucky Chances 10/6/11 . chapter 3
This story is getting really good. I can't wait to read the rest, Update soon.
| Laura 10/2/11 . chapter 2
Love it! next chapter please! 3
| labyrinthe 9/25/11 . chapter 3
Interesting... I like how you added your own character to the story.
| Bronte 9/22/11 . chapter 2
I was kinda skeptical about the whole...Cain/OC thing...but after reading this story, I've really begun to like it! Please write more! It's very good, and I'm interested in seeing what's going to happen :)