Short, but that's flashfic for you. That being said, I think the monologue could be spaced out. Structurally, it stands as one piece of dialogue, that ends with some deviation at the end via Epsilon and Wash. From experience/feedback, it's better to alternate between dialogue and a bit of action, even if that action is something as simple as rubbing eyes, sighing, etc.

Looking at the dialogue itself though (which would probably fit an episode, given the Director's penchant for emails/monologues), it's...interesting. Took more than one read, but I guess that can be considered a good thing in that it leaves itself open to interpretation. So in light of said interpretation, I'd wager it's effectively a reference to his mindset after losing Allison, that even after getting an AI made to resemble her, it's not the real thing, and that no AI ever will be (humans reaching for the implausible, etc.) And that the tearing himself apart would be pursuing such a hopeless goal.

So yes. Good in the spirit of the question (though you've asked "how could someone to that to themselves"-first "to" should be "do"), the oneshot encapsulates the spirit of the question, if not the answer. Certainly, I can sympathize with it, in regards to personal loss-even if you know something's out of your control, there's inevitably some mindset amongst all the other emotions that involves self-blame. Or again, at least as far as experience goes.

So yeah. Ultimately, good oneshot.

Intriguing, I say. The question I ask myself most when it comes to the Director is whether he should be hated or pitied. After all, everyone has a fault they'd rather do without. Some people don't realize how important those faults are to who we are.

Oh, it was very easy at the beginning. I suppose it was easy at the end too."

I adore that line. Poor director; he's so very despicable in the most pitiful way possible. :/

That being said, great job!:)

I do imagine the Director would be able to have that sort of disconnect in his mind, even actively doing things to make it easier to keep a mental barrier by smoking the glass as you have here. He would very much have his eye on the goal and the sacrifices he was making, even to the point of pushing (or breaking) the boundaries of ethics was worth achieving what he wanted to achieve.

I definitely see the torture of Alpha as a way of punishing himself for failing to protect Allison. The only thing that really shocked me about this was to realize who he'd been monologuing to. I sort of expected that he was talking to the Couselor, reflecting on what had been done not long before his arrest.

This was very good, Sky! A nice look at some impromptu...memorizing, if you will. I always think of the Director as a sad, broken man, not a evil mastermind and you showed his better side very well!