|Reviews for Double Edged|
| Kaiban 4/18/13 . chapter 24
HAPPY EASTER! NEW CHAPTER WHOOOO! haha my God Ty and Allison are evil! I enjoy it so much haha oh! So Yumiko was Tomoe's sister? Makes sense why hideyoshi or whatever was all up on her at the hospital then lol i was deffinately catching some wrong vibes at what she was in that group of friends haha and awwwwwwwwww trakath moment! And hes knocked out on her lap! I like this haha and that unintentional kiss was great! As for who id side with its obviously the pirates lol ninjas and heroes are cool and all, but pirates r where its at hahaha as for the writing in this chapter, its really well done save for the few typos here and there haha thats understandable tho, but Aika is probably gonna get them so its okay :P also i wonder what Tomoes planning and same with Ty Allison and Blaire lol also! I wonder what Tys reaction to Drakaths little betrayal event at the end of the 1st book will be haha something i look forward too. Btw, are u gonna do all the books or just this one? Thanks for the chapter again and hope u have a nice day!
| Alka M.C 4/16/13 . chapter 24
*taps out beats with pen* ...okay so the drummer ran off and this stupid contract states that-*gets hit by a cue card*...whoa, camera's on already?! Er...it's time for NITPICKING WITH ALKA! *dundunDUUUUN*
Okay, as usual, I see nothing flame-worthy and see only minor typos and the like. You spelled 'stitches' as 'stiches' in "seeing that and notice that he had four stiches in his cheek". In '. "We'll be giving the pirates warning shots soon to demand your "release."', you might want to close off "release". You closed off the sentence without fully closing it in...and, for now, those are all I can find. Good job there, certainly made up for my wild hunt last time (you updated just after I had my coffee there...).
On the other hand, this chapter was very interesting overall. Yumiko...wow, Hideyoshi suddenly seems less...I don't even know...I like your version of the confrontation with Drakath, pretty interesting and all that as well as fully setting off my shipping senses...not that I mind the pairing (minor miracle in itself as I rarely ever ship anyone). Me excited for next update? Yeeees. Stuff's gonna go nuts...and darn it all, I'm seriously excited.
That's all for now folks! See yas'all next update for the next segment of 'Nitpicking with Alka!'. Bye-bye!
| Narwhale1 4/7/13 . chapter 9
Wow... I was really interested in your story, but I didn't think you were going to make it THAT interesting after reading your notes...
I'm not saying that I hate yaoi, yuri, or other stuff of that nature, but I am a bit uncomfortable reading that kind of stuff. I am glad you gave that warning, though, and I began to see why Ty seemed kind of like an 'L' noun (if you don't know it, its best if you didn't)...
It doesn't mean I hate your story, it's just that my perspective has shifted a little bit to the more skeptical side, now. I'M SO SORRY! but that's just my opinion. I will still read and review, but I am looking at this with a different mindset, now.
Other than that, your writing is still the same as it has been with the previous chapters. There's not really much I can say about it.
| Narwhale1 4/7/13 . chapter 7
Normally, I'd give reviews for multi-chapter stories after every other few chapters, because i can only process so much in my mind, but I think I'm having a guilty pleasure in enjoying your story.
But after reading your notes at the end of this chapter, what I will say is this;
all-in-all, this is all that I expected to be from a DF fanfic story. It's light, humorous, fun, and enjoyable so far. It's great in my standards, and I like that you stick the the original lore and outline of the gameplay, but I am hoping things will start to pick up soon. IMO, I find that if fanfic stories are exactly just like the gameplay, with a few tweaks here and there, then why not just play the game?
Your story is fine the way it is, but I wouldn't say its compelling or epic, in that it hooks the audience in and makes them second guess what will come next. I don't ask for you to go for that high of a standard! I'm just saying keep it interesting, but don't think too much on it, otherwise it will make you crazy. And the way you are writing now, it's VERY interesting.
Again, like I said, few typos in a few chapters, but they aren't a big issue. One thing I do want to point out is spacing and dents. This is only MY concern, not anyone else, but I feel that much of your words are clustered, and it makes reading rather hard for me. You want to space out your words and add dents and paragraphs to make little breakers, so that it'll be easier to read. You don't want your audience to squint their eyes and reread the sentences just so that they know they aren't lost.
As for Ty, she doesn't seem that OOC. She's great for a protagonist; a bit naive and random, but honest and likable. I like how you try to make her multi-classed, but if you try doing that when playing the game, it's rather difficult (believe me, I tried. I trained my rogue to be a warrior, too, but it didn't work out). The only thing I want to gripe on is her background, but I'm hoping you will explain it soon.
I don't have much to say until AFTER I have read everything, so to sum it up: great job, keep up the good work, and always be sure to proofread everything.
| Narwhale1 4/7/13 . chapter 6
Another great chapter. I especially love Ash's reaction to Ty at the inn (was she naked?). And also, wasn't Sabrina the spy?
I'd hate to say it, but I started noticing a few typos starting to pop up, like misuse of punctuation. Like this one:
"And hopefully, you'll still be here. C'mon Ash, let's go." I say, leaving for the door. He swallows and turns to leave with me. I snake an arm around his shoulder as we head for the door and whisper into his ear. "That's a clue for you. About me and Sabrina if that is its name.
There's an extra parenthesis here, and there's numerous of these errors found scattered in the story so far. But they aren't a big deal that I'm going to gripe on you for, so other than that, I like this chapter.
One thing I am still confused about is Ty's background. I know you explain it in the story, but I still don't clearly understand why she needs to improve her skills and why she's there in the first place. Other than that, I'm still reading.
| Narwhale1 4/7/13 . chapter 5
Sadly, I've only been with DF since June of 2012, so I can't say that I was a part of the first war, though I know you can still fight in it by going back in that time travel thingy south of Falconreach. Frankly though, I ain't got time fo dat!
What I do have time to say is this was another great chapter. And chapter 2 was rather okay, IMO. It just adds more build up and fleshes out your character and the story more, so you did okay for that part. I'm still reading!
| Narwhale1 4/7/13 . chapter 2
Oh, those puny knights. I liked how you included the quests and the moves of a warrior class. Seemed like a pretty long chapter, but I'm not complaining. It was written rather well!
| Narwhale1 4/6/13 . chapter 1
Honestly, there are several great DF stories here, but many of them seem to stop about halfway, ending up to about 5 chapters and then being abandoned. Yours looks VERY promising, and has caught my attention.
There's not really anything wrong I can point out as far as grammar and typo goes, but it never hurts to make room for improvement, such as more descriptions and further details to the settings. Other than that, your writing is pretty solid. It's also nice to see a first-person POV with PRESENT tense; makes it much more fascinating, although you have to be careful when working around it, as it can confuse critical readers easily.
I like this ALOT. Ty does sound like a guy's name, but I don't mind a heroine protagonist, either (not saying I'm sexist or anything). I'll give this a read and review where I can :)
| Kaiban 4/3/13 . chapter 23
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY NEW CHAPTERRRRRRRR lol xD Ty is slowly becoming evil xD hahaha i wanna see how this will all play out by the end hehehe Ty is gonna be in a crapload of trouble haha as for some characters not gettig enough attention thats fine, cause theres a crapload of characters in DF anyway so not ALL can be given alot of attention haha i wanna see how you'll introduce Artix tho, and the part with Okami carrying Drakath made me laugh xD haha and hmmm love is not what Lib sees between Trakath? Hmmmmmm then maybe Obsession? Lol his obsession with the main character is canon too sooo maybe? Haaa and Alice! Well played! Haha rage spell ftw, and as for yumiko...basically their little sex toy? Ehhh just a wonder haha too much winking from random guys and ish xD anyway, cant WAIT for the next chappy hahaha till then, i await!
| Alka M.C 4/2/13 . chapter 23
What time is it? It's time for NITPICKING WITH ALKA! *dundunDUUUUUN*
Okay, nothing flame worthy, as usual...just a few minor grammatical errors. At the start, when Lilka asks if Ty's sure she can't be with them, her sentence is missing a 'be' in between 'can't' and 'with'. After Tomoe flicks the back of Ennosoke's head, there should be a comma after 'making'. When Thyton said "This is and order", I'm pretty sure you mean 'an' and not 'and'. And the end of Thyton's explanation about King Alteon's rise into king-hood is missing a quotation mark. The end of Ennosoke's sentence, the one where he mentioned that he was going to nick Heiji's stuff, needs a punctuation mark. Also, 'queue'? I think you meant 'cue' there. In "A small hand reaches up to grab the hilt and pull it out", 'pull' should be 'pulls'. The 'o' in "small katana or o tanto in the other" should be an 'a'...of course you could just erase it altogether, your choice. In "He hasn't noticed you I think and there isn't going to be a fight", I believe that the 'I think' needs to be put in between two commas. When Okuchi no Okami says that he gave the Orb magical instructions to travel to the Village after seven days, the 'in' seems a little unnecessary. And I think that 'Sneeja' is spelled as 'Sneenja'. Also, 'and-"Alison throws' needs a space between Alison and the quotation mark. Also, I think that you meant 'one' instead of 'on' in 'Alison lifts on of her shoulders in a shrug'. Okay...those were all I could find...and again, I apologize for any missed errors/typos and I also apologize if anything I pointed out was done intentionally.
On the other side of the burger patty, this chapter was funny enough to keep my little midget heart content while maintaining an amount of seriousness...Hideyoshi? Incest much? Hehehe...her reaction to the siblings' seemingly incestous relationship was quite funny, as was her random comment about OnO's (yeah, I'm lazy) fur being soft. And yes...I'm quite biased towards the pirates...yeah, I don't think that's hindering my grammar/typo hunt though so I think that's okay. Alison...I think I see what she did there...the adventurers' being rather warmonger-y...hmm, interesting! I'm excited to see what comes next so...update quickly? Please? Hm...I think that it's okay to deviate away from the actual canon as long as you can at least see an amount of the original content in the plot.
And that's all for this segment, yous! Tune in next update for the next segment of 'Nitpicking with Alka'! G'bye!
| Kaiban 3/21/13 . chapter 22
I smell a love traingle between the light princess, ash and alice! Lol jk xD thatd be interesting doe haha this chapter was really good again! Haha i enjoy how ty shows her more sinister side,but at least she has some remorse haha and i love how lib realizes his mommy is in love with the enemy xD hahaha more reason for me to ship trakath! Hahaha i cant wait for the next chapter xD and im iffy about the revenge...ill leave it up toyou! Haha see you next time!
| guisniperman 3/20/13 . chapter 22
Revenge is sweet, but the aftertaste is bitter. Ty's understanding this bit by bits and beside she already got revenge on the exact people who tried to kill her for stupid reason. Beside, she got to uphold her responsability as a elite knight. She'll simply have to stay silent about the incidents. She have her reasons anyway. Still epic, you forgot to make Kordana (Cortana?) mention Cysero. Good luck. I always got killed in the cave chasing after Drakath so at last I'll get some spoiler.
| Alka M.C 3/20/13 . chapter 22
...whoa...already? *yawns, getting out of bed* Sweet babies...a little late in the night for that ...*gets hit in the head with a cue card* Oh and uh...*drumroll starts*...it's time for NITPICKING WITH ALKA! *dundunDUUUUUN*
Again, I see nothing that warrants a flaming, just a few minor typos and the occasional grammar mishap. In "More hostages means more money", 'mean' would be a more correct term instead of 'means'. I'm pretty sure you meant 'breath' instead of 'breathe' in the sentence "Meringue mutters under his breathe". In the sentence where Lib flies out of the bag, you say that he is 'lived' ("I open the flap of my bag and Lib flies out, lived.") when I believe you that you meant 'livid' (I could be wrong, of course ...so sorry in possible advance for anything intentionally invoked). Also, when Lib gives Ty the potion, the last part of his dialogue ends with a comma...I'm pretty sure it should end with a question mark...or even a period...I'm pretty sure this happened multiple times in several sentences afterwards too...(not that that's a big problem). Ty's "Shut up will you?" needs a comma between 'up' and 'will' . Close to that sentence, you spelled 'accidentally' as 'accidently'. And by the end, Ty's "who's there"' needs a question mark.
On the other side of the pancake, Rhubarb's characterization is freaking brilliant, as are most of your pirates (though I admit that I may be biased here) and I really like how you implemented the 'Ruins of Kordana' quest. Also, the thing with the water-breathing potions is great. All in all, well done!
And...I think Ty should succeed in her revenge (though that might be my vengeance talking here)...or at least to a certain extent (and here is sanity...shoo).
That's all for tonight folks! See ya around next update (which I do hope comes around soon) for the newest segment of 'Nitpicking with Alka'! Goodnight! *toddles off to bed*
| Kaiban 3/15/13 . chapter 21
Yay chapter 21! More sparkly grape juice! W000000t! And u deserve to feel honored haha u workbhard on this xD and ohhh yeahhh i remember now! Lol and i feel like ash might end up getting more involved with alice cause i ship trakath xD haha and he CAN be happy...sometimes? Haha and Lol! Naruto reference ftw xD haha and hmmmm this chapter was okay, so dont worry xD the story overall is rlly what matters, and yayyyyyyy pirates next chapter! Cant wait xD
| guisniperman 3/14/13 . chapter 21
That was cool. Didn't that moron know that you DON'T show ANYBODY knock out moves without several other person in the room? Yes, even when teaching a airhead. I think Ty's revenge will be sweet, so sweet that it'll give the readers diabet. The water breathing bottles? A genius move for later when recovering the Water Orb.