I'd like some more of those similarities. Not sceptical or something, just curious :)

I agree with every thing you have written in this rant. my mom calls Bella a doormat. she got bellas personality right on the bulls eye. Bella should take into consideration what Buffy Summers said, "no guy is worth your life, not ever"

112. If the only thing keeping vampires from having children is that the female's body can't change to accommodate a growing fetus, and they are in fact super fertile since they conceive after having unprotected sex ONCE, then it seems likely that vampire women, like Alice and Rosalie, are already pregnant multiple times, probably having every last ovum fertilised, but their bodies are keeping the zygotes/embryos in a sort of frozen state so they won't grow.

I would also like to point out that maybe this is Meyer saying she is okay with *both* science and magic, even if she thinks science *is* magic.

115. It's kinda like humans keeping our existence a secret to cows.

116. It's okay to dislike public figures. I doubt she cries herself to sleep over it. Even though she gives the impression of being nine… Thanks for writing.

106. Additional irony: Stephenie Meyer says she is a "character writer"; she writes her stories because of the characters.

108. I rationalised the titles with the weather subplot. However, you are right: when Tolkien names a book "Two Towers", we actually got four towers: The White Tower of Saruman vs. The Black Tower of Sauron, which turned out to be a false dichotomy; and Minas Tirith vs Minas Morgul, or "The Tower of the Setting Sun" vs. "The Tower of the Rising Moon". When Jordan titles a book "The Lord of Chaos", we get a main character who is going mad while he is forced to unite warring tribes to his cause. When Meyer names a book "New Moon", we get a main character who refers to herself as a satellite, and to her NEWfound love interest as the sun, as well as an erroneous description of a new moon as a lunar eclipse.

For what it is worth, I also understood most of these titles to be a reference to the love interest or new character in each book. (Twilight Edward; New Moon Jacob; Midnight Sun Bella; Eclipse God knows what, probably something with Jacob (the sun?) getting between Edward (the darkness?) and Bella; Breaking Dawn Renesmee/vampire life).

96. I actually thought this was something about the Y-chromosome, that only vampire-hybrid males were venomous. That it could be a property of the sex-chromosome, since it has to do with reproduction in a way. Of course, since then, I have realised that this simply makes too much sense to have been what Meyer actually thought. Now I think she was just being sexist again.

100. Jacob was never in love with Bella… and it wasn't that she turned into a vampire: it was that they removed the baby from her. His exact words: "the girl I loved wasn't in there anymore." Then he turns and leaves the room where Bella is bleeding out but not dead yet.

82. Didn't bother her to name the other one Nahuel, though. Or his sisters: Serena, Maysun and Jennifer. Jennifer!

87. At least hubris, though hardly suicide when you are writing for gullible young girls who haven't read a single Classic, and would just consider it boring schoolwork anyway.

89. Hey! Don't get all sexist on us…

90. Both yes and no. Jasper and Rosalie didn't really need all the backstory they got in Eclipse – but they could have used some more expounding on their personalities.

74. Charlie would be the first incompetent man-child loser to be made sherif of a town, would he not? At least Andy Bellefleur can take care of himself, even if he feels that he messes up in his job and love life a lot.

65. It makes (more) sense when you remember that she is a selfish brat. All she wants from Edward is beauty and immortality; the whole "romance" thing is just how she manipulates him.

67. Actually, I think the most dramatic option would have been to go by your suggestion, and trying to kill Aro. Felix would have taken him apart within seconds. No idea if they would have burned the pieces.

69. Child grooming. I.e. they are not having sex with them now, but they sure are planning to once the girls are all grown up.

70. We all find it revolting. It just rendered us speechless, that is all.

55. Additionally, Bella remarks that she is a bad student and sucks at math especially. (And gym.) I don't know if this was a response to all the people pointing out that she has no flaws, but I don't know how she finds English so boring when she gets to reread so many Classics. (From Twilight, basically: "Shakespeare, Brontë, Faulkner, Chaucer. Nothing I hadn't read before. How… boring." Personally, I'd be thrilled to get to spend school hours revisiting authors like Ibsen and Shakespeare, and rereading Jane Eyre, even if Wuthering Heights gave me nightmares.

Ariana Black: Are you talking about My Immortal? I thought that one was a parody. On Mary Sue fics.

59. Have you read Luminosity? It is a Twilight fanfic that is way better than the Twilight canon.

60. I also found it confusing. Bella is supposed to be really intelligent, based on her grades and how impressed teachers are with her, and how she intuitively leaps to conclusions that none of the other characters managed to figure out (like who was raising a newborn army in Seattle, why Edward was going to Italy, etc.), but she couldn't figure out real simple things, like the examples you gave, or even simpler things, like why it "stopped raining" when Jacob carried her into a house, and emotional responses to things that had just been said.

48. Based on what I have read on Mormonism, this might very well be how she thinks her afterlife actually will be.

49. …unless she was abused. Was she?

50. The jokes are awful. So contrived.

35. I found it equally disturbing that when her heart monitor flatlined, all the response it got was one nurse peeking in and telling them to keep their pants on or something.

38. I figure this is because Mormons don't swear. I think however the male characters are allowed to say "damn". I think Bella says "dammit" once.

39. Demanding that they get married before having sex is not, in my book, half as bad as demanding sex in the first place. In Eclipse she wishes she were strong enough to *force* him to have sex with her. She fails to respect his limits just as much as he fails to respect hers – more, but for the strength factor.

40. Stephenie clearly thinks her readers are morons.

19. The teenaged characters really speak a lot more old fashioned than the centenarians who just *look* like teenagers.

I've only read the first chapter so far, so maybe these things will be dealt with in later chapters, but two things I really want you to mention is Bella's supposed intelligence vs. her apparent idiocy, as well as all the words Meyer clearly does not know the meaning of. I mean, it is obvious that she owns a thesaurus, but she couldn't be bothered to look up the meanings of such words as "subjective" and "exuberant"?

First and foremost let me say I TOTALLY AGREE! However, for number 23, "newspapers" do use adjectives like when trying to get a point across. And, why would you read over 1000 pages of a story you clearly hate (for good reason)!

I know this isn't really something wrong, but I feel like it needs mentioning because it's something that bugs me to no end! In Breaking Dawn, when Bella is pregnant, there were 7 vampires freaking out because she can't keep anything down and the baby was feeding on her. How is it that no one realized that the baby was half vampire and might need blood? Why did it take Jacob to mention it? In the book, he makes a joke, and then, the lightbulb goes off. That just annoys me so much.