Where to begin...reassurances. I think I will always enjoy your writing more than you do, and you already summed up why that is when you said that each sentence aids the story in singularity; it's like you don't waste a single sentence. And you obviously don't rush on heedlessly just because you don't like writing certain POV's, because every part of the story is so damn well-written.
Flasception was brilliant. The way you wrote it, the flashbacks just kind of flowed in and out of each other. Not an easy feat when you've got the memories of a dead man to weave in. And I never wouldn't have thought I'd ever say that I loved reading about two guys taking a piss. Rolie is such an asshat. Glad Lew told, NOT glad about how it was dealt with, even though I can see it going down like that...Love that Lew got all G with it lol. Beneath that calm demeanor beat the heart of a badass.
Ed. Ed. Ed. Ed. At times, I must question whether he, to some degree, resents ALL the members of the team who are even a day younger than (does the math) ancient. I wouldn't say hate, but definitely some resentment with all the bitching he seems to do. And I noticed that he doesn't share Greg's concern about being politically correct. I bet he wanted another man on the team instead of Jules...because I believe I saw mention of Greg overriding the vote to get her on the team. Plus he's still friends with Rolie which says a lot about him...I could go on, I can almost ALWAYS go on, but I'm going to move on instead.
I love how the flashbacks fit together like puzzle pieces that help form a clear picture of the present. It makes the whole story like a fine wine that gets better with time. Speaking of wine! Greg and his wagon! Greg and his broken wagon! Greg and his broken wagon that he fell off of! I had a feeling that might be coming just because you seem like such a fearless writer, unafraid to venture into murky territory. Okay, I'm done. And I'm ecstatic that chapter 11 won't be the end of this story. Now I will be content until the next round of read-throughs begin.
P.S. I was off on my original estimation of how long it would take me to read this by 2 hours. It took 2 1/2.
Hey, the Greg stuff was fine. Man, you seriously have to stop kicking yourself. Not everyone can think in cavemen and cranberries.
I loved Jules' dialouge to drunk a** Spike and Lew. "I'm some effed-up soccer mom." "There's no such thing as 'good' rap." Precious. Also, I like how Spike was the one she confided in. That's not how I ever would have invisioned it (I would most likely have writen it as Greg), but it makes such perfect sense, especially in the context of how you're writing this story.
Just another reason to be pissed at Ed. That jack*ss. What a jerk essentially saying Jules should be off the team because of her relationship with Sam. As if Sam has no culpability in the matter.
I officially hate Rollie. I love how you basically invisioned that Greg and Holleran used the Peter Principle to get him off the team. What was is called, "unilateral something;" whatever, it's the Peter Principle.
And I liked how you acknowledged how Jules doesn't talk about her past. I'm sick of people complaining about how we don't know anything about her past and how it's poor writing. Bull. It's obviously part of her Freak'n character. There's a conscious reason why the only person who's said anything about her past was Steve. Also, look what happened the last time she divoulged any information related to her past; she talked about her dad being a cop and got shot 10 seconds later.
I feel your pain with writing chapters you hate. I found that as long as you can write one scene you really like, it makes the whole crap-tastic chapter worth it.
I'm sure there's something more I want to say, but in the 57 pages of single space I've completely forgotten.
Oh, wait, the Raptors sweatshirt. Love how Jules was wearing it and Spike wondered if it was Sam's. Love how she was wearing it as if clinging to the last vestage of Lew. And Lew was going to take her dancing. Tear (but not really; I'm slightly dead inside).
This story is giving me goosebumps. When you discount the break I took for sleep, I think I finished in about 12 hours. It's just that good. It sucked me in so completely it was like I was walking around through the eyes of the characters. My heart broke, I got angry, frustrated, I laughed, I cried. So many emotions. Gorgeous, gorgeous piece. I could write a *massive* review picking apart things I love, but I feel like there aren't enough days in the year for me to finish. You said right off the bat that this was something that had to be done perfectly and you've beautifully risen to the occasion. I really don't feel like I've given this story enough justice, but it's a step up from the speechlessness I suffered from last night.
Ok first of all, I was like 'yeah, I'll read for 15 minutes then go back to doing my school crap thats due in like 8 hours... 2 hours later I was late to class because I couldn't stop. This story is sooo Bad for my productivity.
Love Wordy's part. and the bit about the baby vomit, pretty funny. Good to see Sam went back to her, but now I'm sad because he pissed her off and she had to kick him out.
Not hard to follow at all. Actually, I love how you dip into the actual psychological expression of how these individual characters would react to this kind of a situation. The stream of consciousness is perfectly spot on, like everything's so heavy a person needs to lose him or herself in a reverie to get through it. Love it!. . . well, in an odd, uncomfortable, intellectually engaging way.
Oh, and I'm pretty pissed-off at the older guys for (as implied so far) almost killing Jules with shell-fish for an initiation prank. Jerks. Someone needs to slap Ed up-side the bald head.
Finally that sh*t error ended and I could read this wonderful chapter!
First, your A/N's made me smile. And when I read the title of this chapter I immediately thought of 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy'. Maybe because they rhymed.
Second, I can't wait to see Wordy and Shelley have that talk. I mean, she's been abused before, so that ought to be interesting- her reaction to Jules' attack.
Third, ED AND LEXUS BRING IT ON YEAH!
Fourth, I loved the flashbacks. Maybe I'm just biased but I really did like them. This is one of those stories that makes me wish Sam was real.
Fifth, I won't like, some writing-style was a bit confusing but I think it's just because I'm not used to it. I shall re-read it again to fully grasp the meaning. Will you continue to write Sam's POV that way?
Sixth... I guess that's all, for now. If I remember anything I missed on this review, I'd message you.
Ugh, this is the longest "15 minutes" ever waiting for Chapter 6 to show up. I'm sure it will be more than worth the wait but still... the suspense is killing me!
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