the sentence where francine says, 'that's so good,' i would have left off the 'you guys' - that's just me, though.

u didn't mention that mary was pregnant until the final sentence and that kind of threw me off. u also didn't say that she was experiencing the signs of pregnancy, either.

i would give this chapter a 3/10.

it's getting a little better, but i feel like this story isn't going anywhere.

at the end of every question, there should be a question mark, not a comma.

for example:

'can i come too,' Lisa asked.

'can i come, too?' Lisa asked.

i really think you should get a beta-reader, aka editor. that way, they could help you with your stories.

there should be a question after 'what do you mean'

i don't think they had answering machines back then, but i could be wrong. also, this chapter was lacking puncuation - there should have been a question mark (?) after the sentence 'what are you talking about'.

this chapter was pretty good, but in the sentence where frankie says, 'baby that's wonderful', there should be a comma after the word 'baby'.

i think what you might want to explain is WHY francine ran away - you weren't really clear about it in the first chapter.

also, with numbers, usually, people write it out - for me, i write out the numbers one through twenty. anything after twenty, i usually just use the number - like 5,25,600.

it's getting a little better, but not by much. i would suggest that u get a beta-reader - aka, an editor. i've offered my help, but u don't use it.

again, i know i've told u this about a thousand times, but i really don't think a 12 year old would do drugs - i know u knew someone who did drugs, but the way you wrote it, it seemed a little unrealistic.

also i noticed something - the following sentence should have a question mark after it:

"How did you survive?" NOT "How did you survive," - she's asking a question, not stating something.

found a spelling mistake here - then.

"And THEN what happened?" Marie asked.

"I like dogs better THAN cats." Brenda said.

see the difference?

the chapter was a little short, but it was good.

this chapter seemed a little rushed. try painting a picture in the reader's heads as to what's going on. i know u don't like putting details in, but they're important in a story.

i like the chapter, however, in one spot, you could've used commas (,) instead of , everyone seems OOC, so i would try to keep them in character, okay?

good, but remember to enter a line every time someone new is speaking. for example:

"Mom! Where's my book?" Calvin yelled.

"It's on the seat of your reading chair." Kate said.

This is how it should be:

"Mom!" Where's my book?" Calvin yelled.

"It's on the seat of your reading chair." Kate said.

good, however, do not repeat the last line of the previous chapter - it looks tacky.

pretty good start.