Good jib, but ur writing style was a bit... I think the word I'm looking for is jumpy. U need to stay in first or third person, j changed a few times. Also, luxa seemed a bit ooc. She was too accepting and happy. But just my thoughts. U fid a great job with it.
Sorry I haven't sent a review in a while! I've been ridiculously busy, but my time has finally been(sort of) freed up, and I'm very excited to get back to reading your continuation of The Underland Chronicles! -
Haha, what WILL Luxa think of our music? I'm really curious now, I hope it gets mentioned later on. In case you're wondering, this a going to be a commentary style review.
Somehow having Gregor bring along all these little bits of his homeland back down to the Underland to share with Luxa and Hazard... It really touches me. I guess it makes me feel like crying because he's bringing them what they've never had before, and what he will never have again. It's a "Simple pleasures" type thing, but it's very symbolic and beautiful in it's simplicity. It makes me wanna cry... :') Very well done.
Oh my gosh... They found his grave...
Ripred's a king! He can have all the shrimp in cream sauce he wants now!
Wait, I should know this...but what are twisters again? It's been a long time... Sorry, I should remember anyways...
It makes sense that his journal was more straight forward... If he wanted the orders obeyed, they'd have to be clear. You could never know the problem solving skills that rest in whoever is lucky enough to find it.
Whoa... the city sounds RIDICULOUSLY COOL. I mean, that is EPIC. O.O SUPER good description.
Atlantis... that actually works quite well. I can't remember whether Atlantis was supposed to be a city lost in the ocean or not, but at this point I don't care. I like it better this way, it's much cooler. O.O
Voluntarily leave... seeing as Atlantis is much smaller than Regalia, maybe they had to leave due to overpopulation. But then some may have stayed behind anyways... It's like all those mysteries with the Middle and South American natives, like the Mayans, Aztecs, Olmec, and Incas.
I wonder what language the story-streets are written in...maybe Latin?
Oh... TT I knew the beauty of the house would have something to do with Silksharp... That part when we find out what happened to Ripred's family... TT
OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! I WAS TOTALLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU TO MAKE HER NOT DEAD BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE THE GREATEST FAN FIC AUTHOR OF ALL TIME AND AS OF RIGHT NOW MY VERY FAVORITE! I'm gonna cry, oh my gosh... TT I'm so happy...
Haha, Ripred's enjoying this, I can't blame him. Oh my gosh... :') I'm so so so so so so SO happy. -
WHOA. WHOA. I did NOT see that coming. Are their gonna be little Twitchtips? For a lot of stuff this wouldn't slide, but somehow... I don't mind at all...
There ARE little Twitchtips! YES!
HAHAHAHHA! That was a VERY good reason for Luxa to come back in a good mood! Oh gosh, that was hilarious...
Oh... TT
I liked it so much! The humor is fantastic, as well as the writing. I want to say so much more, but I have something due tomorrow... I really look forward to when I get to read the next chapter though! - You've totally made my day.
Ripred The most wonderfully satire character in the history of literature since Razumikhin I am always so happy whenever you are present If I knew how to do those music note thingies they would be spattered all over this ballad that I dedicate to you
Seriously though, you've got Ripred's personality down pat! I'm so excited!
Oh, those laws that oh so conveniently force us into epic adventures, what would we do without them? This isn't criticism, that part about the evil council was actually really well done and very believable. I bet Luxa would deck any guy that tried to take Gregor's place.
Vikus? Vikus is dead? Sadly, I can't blame you for killing him off. He would solve too many problems and all around probably be very difficult to write. I still mourn him though.
Yep, yep, Lizzie's the smart one. Good job coming up with a plan, it was plausible. However, maybe it would have been better if they're parents took a few days to decide, they seemed to give in too quickly. Poor Grandma!
Also, in the middle of the story you switched to first person for a few lines and then switched back. Too late now, just be more careful in the future.
I love the mom's rules. The "Talk", I'd be too scared to hear the details on that one, poor Gregor!
Wait. If her name is "Mrs." Cormaci, doesn't that mean she's only married to a decedent and not an actual by-blood relative of Sandwich-face? You probably only got a little mixed up, I won't ridicule further.
That would make sense, about the prophesies and such.
I love this story so much! I have always thought that the ending to the Code of Claw was insufficient and your story is what i think is quite accurate for what would happen. Please Please Please update this story! thank you!
First off, I will probably leave a review for every chapter, and I love making reviews long, so buckle up.
So. Good. I haven't read Gregor in a while, so I can't say whether or not the style is super similar, but it feels pretty much the same.
I had totally forgotten about all Gregor's scars and such, but you totally took the whole story in stride and made it seem like you were the same author who gave him every characteristic mentioned, it was great!
I really loved the fight scene. It felt really cool and controlled, Gregor really is amazing. Just reading about raging makes me long so badly for Ripred This sequence was seriously well done and I was very anxious when the knife came out.
I'm so happy that Gregor hasn't forgotten Luxa. It's really good that he can't call her by name even in his mind yet, that puts a lot of power in her name for later. Same for Ares, but I have a feeling his name might not be mentioned again...I feel like crying every time you reference him, why do my favorite characters always die? Seriously, so sad...
That's amazing that they use the code of claw. I'm super impressed. I'm really glad that Gregor and Lizzie are so close, she was always a very likable character. -
Hooray for ! Just adding her to the story ups its legitimacy by like a hundred percent. I love that she's still making them all that food.
The rat scene! I'm seriously never going to forgive Gregor's mom for being so realistically protective. Why can't she just be irresponsible and let her kids have an adventure for once? You got her spot on. I totally forgot about the language thing and Boots, but I love how she just carelessly translates as if she talks to rats everyday.
Ooh! Ripred's here! I need to read the next chapter! I will be reviewing more!
I love the idea, the facts, the plot, and other stuff that I can't think of now. It all blends together perfectly like puzzle pieces. I bet your idea should be read by Collins. _ Amatsu
My heart ached about the momento of Ares. (Sniffles.)
You're writing is absolutely AMAZING!I will probably not forgive you if you don't continue this and I don't say that to anyone often,trust is apparently your first and only story but it is truly worth twenty you know what the best part is?You proved it in only SIX chapters!That,my friend,is what will score you the big points with 't let them down!I trust you will continue this so I say this:Venture forth and don't waver in your decisions for your of luck with future chapters. ;)
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