   LilithRyoka 11/23/11 . chapter 4Hello there, dear writer. I believe this is my first time reviewing one of your stories, non? Well, let's make it memorable, then.
First of all, as I tend to do, the not-so-pleasant business! With me, that often means grammar.
While your writing is incredibly good and your grammar is mostly flawless, I've seen a few mistakes and misspellings here and there throughout the chapters. But fear not, my purple-haired lady, for there weren't any major ones, and none could properly distract my eyes from the story in front of them. And ma'am, what a story.
First of all, the plot. As many incredibly good stories, it started of quite simple. And while it escalates, creates branches and twigs and beautiful trees, it remains as simple as it first started. It IS, after all, a story gravitating around the fact that the two princesses cannot, for the heck of it, have a healthy ( And what's healthy nowadays, anyway? ) relationship, though they are more than willing to explore the grey ( Heh. ) space between the meaning of the word.
Your ability to re-create the characters' personalities and still give them a touch of your own mind is just incredible. I absolutely loved every single depiction you've shown me, and after a few sentences I was completely engrossed by their hidden mysteries, your story slowly playing inside my mind's theater, an opera of the most lovable damned girls I've ever seen. How sad they were without each other, and how nervous they were together. Ah, it was wonderful. Hope it will be wonderful, since it seems this fanfiction has not ended.
Your Marceline was absolutely great. Most of the arts I've seen usually show one of them acting dominant, in a forever stance of aggression versus passiveness, and your story surely was not like that. It was just like them to shift between both extremes, because they do tend to be rather opposite sides of the same delicious coin, no?
What was I talking about? Oh, 'bout the Queen of the Night!
I think you've grasped the inner workings of the lovely vampire quite well. Her need for attention, her craving for life, her crusade in quest for fun, and her humor, often shifting from childlike to sexy minx within seconds. And let's not forget the more, uhm, colorful (I'll never get tired of this.) displays of attention she gives to dear Bonnibel. Real colorful ones.
Following this train of thought, I adored the heated moments between the two. That is a hard thing for me to say, since I often feel the love-making is just a tool to attract more readers. And it is often done in a way that leaves a bland and completely wrong scene that makes my eyes shut themselves in horror.
But not yours, not by a fraction. Yours was so filled with love and life and desperation and need and...hell, I could spend the whole day talking about it. Hell knows I often do. But let's not make it a habit, yeah? Maybe another day.
It was really fun for me to read your Bonnibel. I must say, she is quite the difficult character to write about. Such a vast myriad of things the princess likes and dislikes, and her own personality is very, very vast and mostly endless, and it never ceases to surprise and amuse me. Your Bubblegum was no different.
Sorry, I'm quite rusty in giving reviews. It's been a month-or more-since I last wrote one, so forgive me for my general lack of words, yes? I promise that they will get better with time. Or maybe I don't, it seems I'm quite famous for breaking those. Anyways!
One of the things I loved the most 'bout your little bolt of fiction was that there was LIFE outside the main characters. You've no idea how hard it is to find a story that does not ignores anything going on outside the lovers' house, or the heroes' castle/HQ. It's so rare that it feels like a treat when one such as yours is found. A deliciously sweet and tart treat. Like Lemon Pie. Mmh, pie.
I believe I've said everything I wanted to say. Or at least everything I remembered to. So, with no further ado, 'til your next chapter!
Sincerely,
Marceline's father. |
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition