|Reviews for Eye of the Storm: Alchemy|
| sachariah 10/28/11 . chapter 4
Quannot's Syndrome; yikes. Well, it seems clear why Kamala's story has such a tragic ending. The progression of disbelief, denial, and then dispair and anger, was vivid even within the few paragraphs we saw. Such a sad tale... and yet an intriguing one.
Really liked Sita's 'regal' manner, how she tries to bear herself nobly even after her traumatic ordeal. Seeing Kali try to comfort her, when she did break down, was such a sad moment. That said, I liked the 'classy', wry humor that she seems to have about her (loved the line about losing the wedding invites!). Very interested in how she develops - like I said before, we never got that good of a look at her character in "Untouchables", what with Kali's visions and love triangle and all.
Sigh. I knew it was coming, but I felt so sorry for Crest. On the one hand, he's being a little naive to think that she hasn't moved past him at least a little - they have drastically different sorts of lives and circumstances, after all. But then again, Crest doesn't know that, and his 'forwardness' is almost endearing because he's so... innocent, in a way (I thought that word never belonged near the baldy). I loved Stone's words here, even though I get the sense that Crest does in fact understand that he and Sita have both changed. Still, it is hard. "And then some."
Very intrigued how the situation with Ferro and Archer is unfolding. On the one hand, it seems fairly clear that these boys have defected, and aren't out or revenge or something. But the concern about discovery of the Chu'unthor is definitely understandable. And these fellows did kill Milo, and apparently injured Kali beyond full recovery. I certainly don't blame Shadow or Honi for feeling on edge.
I was so certain something was going to go wrong when Crest decided to check on Sita. So I was relieved to see she didn't seem to notice his arrival. It was such a touching moment to see Crest cover her with a blanket, while purposefully not touching her. Ironically, sometimes unrequited love brings out the best in a person. Seems to be working that way for Crest.
Traxis seemed to take killing the Stormtroopers better than the other guys, so it was good to see him still struggling with the issue. There's no easy answer; one can argue easily that it's not their fault, the Stormies are just following orders. Even the later units, that were trained with a fanatical devotion to the Emperor, were indoctrinated without their consent. It's hard to blame them at all; though the fact that there both clone troopers and Stormtroopers that *did* defect is evidence that they still retained some degree of choice, and ergo, responsibility.
Though really, the image of this chapter for me is of Crest sitting all alone, Kali and Stone in bed, Trax and Ares in the cockpit. And Crest trying not to feel too lonely. :(
Great chapter! Looking forward to arrival back on the Chu'unthor!
| LongLiveTheClones 10/24/11 . chapter 3
I'm also thrilled that Ferro and Archer have defected. Their story was always particularly intriguing because it made Order 66 seem so personal. They were just in the process of being rescued, of all things, and they turned around and shot their rescuers. Their rescuers, in turn, showed compassion to them, and found a way to not kill them in return. They were then bothered by the whole incident, and realized something was not right. Now, did that mean they wouldn't rest until they did the commando thing and tracked down and eliminated their enemy? Or, somehow, were they changed for the better by the experience? Well, I guess we'll have to find out, but, of course, we're all hoping that there is some of that clone goodness in Ferro and Archer and they showed up, and got injured, because they found their 'good side.' So, all in all, a very intriguing chapter.
Love the way Drake is described as a young Stonewall. Should be great to see how that really progresses.
Zara is yearning to grow up, but feels she is being held back. Almost like a young Luke Skywalker there.
So many different strands you are weaving together here.
Speaking of which, Weave is certainly coming along as he turns into a father figure. You've done amazing things with his character as he has found purpose in his life after the discovery of these boys- particularly Levy. Amazing to see the change in him.
Very reassuring to know the Chu'unthor is Jedi Temple-like, especially now that the Temple has been so horribly obliterated. There is still this other sanctuary out there, this peaceful place, harboring a few of the last Jedi. Almost like the Temple isn't quite lost, after all.
Alchemy is shaping up to be the most intriguing 'Eye of the Storm' yet.
| SerendipityAEY 10/24/11 . chapter 3
Wow! Morichro? When/where/how the heck did you find this? Perfect, anyway :)
I really like Weave's connection with the clone boys, very nice, and I like that he calls her Tallis :) There's something... unique about it. And he can see Drake has a genuine care for Zara, that's good.
Really like how Tallis (*grin*) knows the commando's because everyone looks different through the Force, I especially think this would be true, and I liked her argument to Altis about how scary it was that they found them - I enjoyed seeing this discussed from two totally different, but valid, points of view. Great job :D
| Moondoe 10/24/11 . chapter 3
YAAAY! I'm don't know why, But I am THRILLED that those two commandos defected Yay!
| Dawn of Time 10/24/11 . chapter 3
I'm in a chapter :O that makes my week! Marathon reading is nice, especially when the story is so well written and enjoyable. If I'm not mistaken, a shortened version of this chapter was posted as an epilogue to Bastion? I loved how you elaborated on the details you already presented. "We'd be lost without you...or at the very least extremely ill-informed. :P" that's what creative licensing is for XD. Can't wait to read the next update!
| Queen 10/24/11 . chapter 3
Good to catch up with the rest of the group!
As always, love Zara. She's working so hard to get herself a new lightsaber, and your description of her work is lovely. It also seems that she and Honi have been making some progress in regards to their relationship. It's still a bit awkward, looks like, but Honi seems to be trying to be a bit more...personable? encouraging? with her padawan.
And of course the boys! lol, Drake's crush on Zara continues to be endlessly adorable. Levy seems to be doing better as well, still sticking close to Weave.
The arrival of Ferro and Archer is rather foreboding, though. Everyone is understandably worried at their appearance, and no, I bet Kali isn't going to be happy to see them - or any of the others, for that matter. The final few lines, with Honi worrying about what the future could hold were quite ominous. I'm wondering how this is all going to tie in to the arrival of Kali's group, as well. You've got quite a few characters to juggle in this one.
Looking forward to Friday!
| sachariah 10/24/11 . chapter 3
Wow... Kamala's story keeps getting more interesting, even though the prologue has set an ominous tone to the whole thing. I feel terribly sorry for her, being unable to join the Order - though in retrospect it isn't exactly the best place for a child to be raised, anyway. Still, "hope deferred maketh the heart sick."
I know I read it before, but I loved Zara's lightsaber construction scene (Wookiepedia is a real life saver, isn't it?), There's something almost 'homey' in the setting, sitting cross-legged, a blanket to catch the pieces, etc. At the same time, Zara's musings on what's changed, on these new 'dark' times, added a somber note to the scene. Little Zara (don't tell her I called her that. :P) has lived through a very unsettling period if GFFA history, to put it mildly.
I always grin when Drake's 'more-than-crush' is brought up. Seeing him from Weave's POV was entertaining, to say the least. The fact that Weave intrinsically knows that this isn't just a passing infatuation (and the comparison to Stonewall) reminded me of Weave's own secret "longings" that we're brought up in "Wild Card", though I get the sense he's suppressing them at the moment.
I appreciated the descriptions of Weave and Levy's 'upgrades' - I know they're there mostly for refreshing the memory, but to be honest, I didn't realize till now that Levy's mods were only visible in his arm - I sort of assumed he also had a half-cyborg face or something similar (unless I misread this, and Levy does have more modifications elsewhere on his body?).
I like Weave's a attitude towards the boys - an interesting combination of "big brother" and "father", though I imagine he doesn't see any distinction. His 'connection' to Levy is heartwarming, even it was pretty much a logical development, seeing they've undergone the same disturbing experiences. Levy's mannerisms remind me of many special-needs children; mentally capable of a lot more than he can get across, because of limitations (or in this case "enhancements") imposed on him.
And what's this? Weave feels a little "uncomfortable" calling Honi by first name? Of course I have no idea what that might imply... (you really have ruined me, by the way.)
Wow - I wasn't expecting Ferro and Archer to show up so soon. Honi's conflict regarding them is fascinating. She's gone from having a rather calloused respect of clones in general, to a place where she know actively admires some, and despises others. Her thoughts on Milo were saddening, again, though you've done an excellent job keeping her cool, 'professional' bearing on all these issues. I liked her dedication to finding a way to help Levy.
I certainly understand her concern that if these commandos found them, other Imperials could be on the way. Knowing that these two had intended to desert, I'm not too worried, but Honi's right to wonder. Though as with all of your work, I'm half expecting something more...
"When was the last time that these tanks were calibrated? The metrics are off on this one."
Ha! She's still the Honi we all know and love. :P
Great chapter - a perfect follow up to the previous one, getting us all reacquainted with the cast. Can't wait for Friday!
| Dawn of Time 10/23/11 . chapter 2
Yay! I'm caught up! I can't wait for Monday! (I'll make this review short cause I've already reviewed like 4 times in the past 3 hours ;P):
End of story, lol.
-DOT (faithful reader).
| SerendipityAEY 10/22/11 . chapter 1
Lovely daddy moment :) for Jonas. I loved the calculating the last time she ate (there's a lot of that with formula in the beginning!) and exhaustion, there's a lot of that too! And the smell and fragileness and love, all perfect baby things.
Such an intriguing start. Its interesting he's decided to lie to the council... I love picturing a younger Qui and he was perfectly thoughtful and Sage. Poor Jonas but a great moment :)
| CNQ 10/21/11 . chapter 2
Kali and Stone are married! I remember that in Bastion but rushed through it to read this (I tend to do that often). I really like the feel of this tale so far. It is new and fresh and I like it. I wonder if they ever join the Rebellion? Great job and very good writing!
| SerendipityAEY 10/21/11 . chapter 2
Love the way the story opens with the journal entries, so powerful and moving and I love the thread it creates through each chapter. Showing Aruna in ruin is an amazing way to immediately communicate the state of the galaxy in a really real way, especially sine Untouchables, it feels so personal and sad to us, fantastic writing. I always love reading those little moments between Trax and Ares :) there's just something about them, I love Ares' character :)
Thank you so much for the kind words, I do love editing for you 3
| sachariah 10/21/11 . chapter 2
So it begins...
Like Queen said, this was a great introductory chapter for this story, making sure key elements about the characters (Crest's specializing in detonators, Traxis in weapons, Kali's Force shield, etc) are all clear in the reader's mind. I think it told you before, but I've been guilty of forgetting such details from time to time, especially those that don't surface quite as often, like the Force shield.
The journal... wow. I'm not even going to try and speculate, because it's too vague at this point, but my, that's powerful (and ominous) stuff. I'm more than intrigued as to it's role in the story.
The description/s of Aruna were simply amazing - such a vivd and stark contrast, that ties in with the general "world turned upside down" feel that runs through almost every character and scene. Such a sad scene, and of course Sita's lot only makes it all the more grim.
Enjoyed Crest's portrayal - he's generally so lighthearted nothing "gets" to him, but now we see him vulnerable, because someone he loves (I think I can safely say that. :P) is in danger. I liked how even though his concern is primarily directed towards Sita, he also sees and regrets the destruction brought upon the world as a whole, and the consequences of the Imperial takeover.
"'If there was any doubt that we're doing the right thing...' Crest couldn't bring himself to finish the thought." I can't blame him; but the thought was powerful.
Absolutely *loved* the moment of understanding between Stone and Crest; both of them feeling the same fear and concern for a "significant other"; such a moving moment between these two.
Sita's story: Sigh, predictable, in a way, but no less tragic. I'm glad she seems to have been spared the more baser forms of Imperial prisoner treatment, but I can't imagine she had anything less than a awful experience. Kalinda's thoughts on her situation were so poignant - she knows Sita did the right thing, and yet knows just as certainly that it was not only futile, but self incriminating, and very nearly self destructive. I'm just glad they got to her in time (loved the mention of the "untouchables"!).
I actually felt sorry for Crest (which is rare, mind you) when Sita turned down his offer, but I completely understand that she's not going to want him seeing what she suffered, at least not right away. There's so many ways you could take that; is she going to see Crest as one of "them", seeing her captors' faces in his? I know Crest has been infatuated with her all along, but the same may not be true for Sita. And despite the ease of which TCW throws around torture, it's often a terrifying and traumatic experience. I'm really concerned that all may not be well with Sita, but I hope for the best.
I did want to at least put a hand on Crest's shoulder - of course he doesn't realize that his company might not be what she needs right now. I foresee much angst between these two...
I really enjoyed Traxis's POV. He seems to have the most intellectual awareness that they did, deserting and now resisting, was the right thing to do - not just because of attachment to a person who would have been harmed, but because there was something morally, substantively *wrong* with Order 66, and the Empire that followed. (good call with the choice of weapons, too!). It might just be me, but it feels like Trax is more sure of himself and his position, compared to Crest and even Stone, both of whom battle the confusion over recent events.
Oh, and lest I forget - Kali's thought about Milo... sigh. :( But a powerful sentiment, as well. That shiny was a true hero, indeed.
Well, one successful rescue behind them. Can't wait to see the fallout and the ensuing events - this shaping up to be quite a ride!
(oh, and RE Spaarti clones - I think your reasoning is perfectly sound, myself. Details such as those are always fuzzy, even in canon. :P)
| Queen 10/21/11 . chapter 2
Wow, amazing start off with the journal entry! Just some wonderful lines - a pauper of days, words sounding hollow and complacent...such a sad but elegant tone.
And oh, Aruna. Really, such a shocking change, just like everything else going on in the galaxy at this point. And with the return of Aruna, the return of Sita! Kind of exciting - definitely looking forward to some interaction between her and Crest in the future. And ohhh..."So it was perhaps the hardest thing that he'd ever done to look at her, to see what the Empire had done to this brave woman, and smile as if nothing was wrong while he said: "Sita? Fancy meeting you here!" *is mush* Poor everyone, but Crest somehow holding up, and trying to hold up for her after everything you just described...wow.
Looks like Sita is joining the group, at least for awhile? Really, great introductory chapter. It's good to see how everyone is doing - Traxis and Ares, Crest and Sita, Kali and Stone - I assume Honi and the others will be putting in an appearance soon?
Great intro chapter, and I'm looking forward to seeing the next!
| LongLiveTheClones 10/18/11 . chapter 1
Just loved this! Totally didn't expect Jonas to turn out to be Kali's father. However, I like this plot twist, as it does set up Kali to be a Jedi with potential to be tremendously powerful. So, she was the forbidden love child of two Jedi, and one of those Jedi just died of very tragic circumstances? His dedication as a father is tremendously touching, as despite his exhaustion, he will not drop her off in the creche. I wonder how he interacted with her as a Master/Padawan, knowing she was his daughter. I wonder how Kali reacted to him as a Master, even without knowing this was her father, some of that love must have always rubbed off on her. It explains the bond she felt toward her former Master. At the end of this passage, I was left saddened, thinking it just amplified the tragedy of how she lost her Master at a young age. (She was 15?) I have a terrible memory, so I could be off. Looking forward to more.
| Verodxynesis 10/17/11 . chapter 1
I've been waiting for this for a long time. Can't wait for next update.