The dialogue is stiff or cliched. An example: "I will eat your soul, little girl," he panted, lips stretching into an open-mouthed grin and revealing rows of perfect, tiny fangs. "I wonder how it will taste? Soft and tender, like you?"

You also have unclear awkwardly worded sentences that take away from the writing. Example: Five minutes and two-thirds of the long stairway later, she was regretting the brisk pace she had set on the way out.

Thought this could help you improve! I guess I just found your dialogue to be tacky and it took away from the story- for me at least. I hope this was helpful!

Dam good!

loving the story cant wait for the next chap

I love it. Thats all I can say. Please please please! Write more! :D

if u can read that u must be pro :D

Hehehe, I like Soul's reaction to having to eat the soul. It made me smile, also great job so far. I hope you update soon so I can read more!

This is really hood. I'm not sure where you're going with it, but I like it.

This is a good story, I like it so far

How could you *sniffle* do this *sniffle* t-t-to meeeeee!

oh come on serrieously a cliffhanger!

Update soon