|Reviews for Club of the World|
| Saphura 10/23/11 . chapter 1
Okay, you had me hooked when the Nazi showed up. :P
This is a very cool piece, I like it! I've only started looking up the old Hornet radio dramas and movie serials, but now I seriously need to find them! I do hope you continue, this promises to be a unique entry for the Green Hornet and Kato.
| IcyWaters 10/23/11 . chapter 1
How can you even consider keeping this as is? It’s begging to be expanded upon. As it is, you leave too many open questions for it to be a satisfying one-shot.
The Green Hornet goes to the backroom of the club to “get it on” with one of the girls. This is seemingly arranged as part of a business deal. It’s a great setup. But the GH is the perfect gentlemen - and apparently Benny and Krieger were listing in and realize it. This can’t work in the masked man’s favor.
Second, what sort of international intrigue is the Green Hornet involved with? One of the most intriguing parts for me was the inclusion of Herr Krieger. I want to see the GH kick some Nazi butt!
The 1930s atmosphere is terrific – I can smell the alcohol and stale cigars in the club; hear the live band blasting out a song; and visualize the clothing of the era. It’s terrific to see a fan fiction that puts the Green Hornet in the time with Al Capone, John Dillinger and Bonnie & Clyde.
I like Jack, but there’s too much focus on her and not enough on our masked man. I want to learn the answers to all these questions I have. That can be easily remedied with more chapters. :-)
I do suggest going through and doing a good proof-reading. I noticed a few typos, such as: "You don't want to do it, don't you?" – That should be “You don’t want to do it, do you?” Also, it may be regional vernacular, but I’ve always thought it’s ain’t (not aint) and have always heard the term “rose colored glasses” (not rosy colored).
I hope you’ll expand this!
| Frog1 10/21/11 . chapter 1
Very good! Very Inspirational! My muse is dancing!
| EVRyderWriter 10/21/11 . chapter 1
I merely prodded the hand that would wield the mighty sword of words. Your idea, your imagination. All yours.
And what a mighty swath you have cut here!
As I've mentioned to you, I've taken up reading the Green Hornet: Year One comic line. As its title states, it's the story of Britt Reid and Kato's first year as the Hornet and partner. It goes between that and the back story of how these two met, bonded and became the men they did. Set three to five years before yours, it's a great glimpse into the radio era.
So it was no surprise, to me anyway, how much I enjoyed this foray. When you told me about this idea, I knew you had to do it. How many radio fics are out there? Answer: Not nearly enough. So thank you for taking the leap from TV show to radio.
The atmosphere, so ripe with the heady aura of alcohol, jazz, fast women and dangerous men is just so...intoxicating! (P ) Captured that nicely. Well done.
MOVIE SERIAL! Gah, it's a typical trying-a-bit-too-hard-to-bring-a-radio-show-to-the -big-screen, with the really, really, contrived, wordy dialogue but I LOVE IT. There's two, actually. I'll try and find the second one's link for you. I have it. So, thanks for taking that one on, too.
Jack...such a cool nick-name for a escort in a bootleggers' bar. She's quite the chick, Donnie's twin for another era. You were correct about her not being able to be a doctor. Even though Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman doctor in America in 1849, women were more often than not nurses. And the money issue of course...
Your idea that the Hornet was a bootlegger at first is an interesting concept, I hadn't thought of that. I know in the actual radio show, Reid's father is alive but left the Sentinel to Britt as a way to force responsibility on him so he'd stop his playboy ways. The Green Hornet came along when Britt got sick of criminals getting away with literal murder. Did yours come by it the same way? I guess...that means you need expansion!
Before you do, however, I would go back and fix a few things. Minor things, probably missed in the excitable rush of delving into Hornet-land! (Which I completely understand. I have it myself...bad.)
-"Couples spun fast, their shows clicking on the WEARING OUT dance floor.": Worn out dance floor, maybe?
-"The live band bared a jazz standard through the smoky air.": LOVE THIS LINE. I can see it, smell it, FEEL IT. It's hot, man! Really swingin'. But maybe 'BLARED a jazz standard through the smoky air' would work better?
-Several times you use the number 2, like with, "We leave you 2 lovebirds be" (that needs a 'll on the 'We' too) or 'The 2 men stepped outside'. Honestly, it is easier to just hit the number 2 button on the keyboard and move on. But I wouldn't. It looks and flows better when you actually type out 'two'.
-Abruptness! One minute Herr Kreiger and Benny are leaving Jack to do her thing with the Hornet, the next they're barging in to finish their end of the deal. Maybe it was just me thinking, "You bozos just freaking LEFT! Give the two some more time, jeez." aka more reason for an Expansion!
Ooooh, Nazis! Lots of those in the radio show during the 1939-1946 shows...always as you described this one actually. They always got theirs too, courtesy of the Hornet.
You really hit Britt and Kato's radio/movie serial era outfits to tee! The goggles on Kato, that 'surgey mask' the Hornet wore (that thing was odd but damn intimidating! But fits him perfectly, if you think about it.)
The Hornet's kind and gentle manner with Jack, liked that. In the radio series, and this is really toward the Al Hodge Hornet, the absolute master IMO, they went for the hard 'tough guy' attitude with the Hornet. Of course, he's dealing with racketeers, enemy spies and criminals who try to destroy our America. Gotta get tough. But he was always the consummate gentleman when he needed to be-the preeminent characteristic of most of the Hornet's.
Overall, this was well worth the small wait. Thank you once again, hon. You're really cementing yourself (already!) as a Hornet fandom writer.