WADAFU HAPPENED TO DA QUOTATION MARKS?

Interesting. A few points of critique:

- You should have put in the story that Doc and Marty went to Doc's home, and that it's different from the one he owned in the old world. This way, it isn't very clear.

- Wouldn't Doc and Marty have talked some more about Lorraine and how he wasn't disappearing?

- Where did Marty and Lorraine spend the night? If they went to wherever Marty lives in the new timeline, wouldn't they have bumped into Marty's parents (who are presumably now the older version of him and Lorraine)? Or did they stay at Doc's new house? Because the second paragraph sort of implies that is where Marty is staying. I'm confused. And I'd kind of like to find out more about the new 1985, especially about the fates of George, older Marty and Lorraine.

That looks interesting. I was wondering whether you would use that 'locked up in the phone booth' scene. I'm a bit confused how that photograph could suddenly become a picture of Marty and Lorraine getting wed, since the original was a 1980s photo of their kids. But well, it doesn't distract too much from the story, and at least you remembered what concerns Doc might have.

It's a little short and there's not much detail, but the basics look good. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your story.

Well, that's... interesting, I guess. But hardly readable because of the compressed paragraphs.

I'd be willing to revise your chapters, but you didn't even reply to me last time. Perhaps you didn't intend that as offensive, and in that case I'm sorry for taking it that way, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed.

I do like the story you're building up here. Not sure whether Doc's death would be the first thing on his mind at that point, but him breaking out in tears over it might be able to convince Lorraine he's not joking. At least he hasn't told her he's her future son yet, because then she would likely have more trouble with it.

It's also interesting to see how Marty seems conflicted at giving in to his feelings or forcefully ignoring them (since Lorraine's his mother). I suppose the last lines of the chapter were Biff pulling Marty out of the car? It would be interesting to see how you handle that problem. If George goes to rescue Lorraine as in the movie, Marty would have his problem solved, but he wouldn't have Lorraine. If George doesn't manage to get to the car, though, and Marty has to rescue Lorraine, then their relationship might not end.

Anyway, if you want me to revise your work, please tell me.

EmmettMcFly55.