|Reviews for Disenchanted|
| seymourblogger 1/16/12 . chapter 5
Very strange fairy tale the way you tell it. A couple of suggestions: do not use the word abs as this is a modern term and doesn't fit with the story or the rest of the language. Perhaps stomach? lower part of his body?
The other word that I thought didn't belong was "guys" as this also is modern.
| Jenox 1/15/12 . chapter 15
| k.monique801 12/19/11 . chapter 15
Thumbs up to you.
| Ms. Diamond 12/16/11 . chapter 15
| APL 12/15/11 . chapter 15
awe i really liked this story, finally ed got his act together:) so cute!
| mamato 12/15/11 . chapter 15
I got your response and have finished the story without leaving any other reviews, as the last thing I wanted to do was to offend you. That was NOT my intention. I just felt that throughout the story there was not a 'foundation' to their relationship or Bella's love. I guess I just don't believe in a love you can't explain or have reason for. There should always be SOMETHING you can say as to why you love someone, what it is that makes you happy about them, and why you want to stay with them. Bella never had such answers. And, even at the end, I still don't get it. So, I think it's just me. She will ALWAYS live in Kate and Garrett's shadow, and I don't think Edward fought for her enough to show her his feelings. But then again, I don't think he should have had feelings for Bella in the first place because, if he truly loved Kate, it would have taken him A LOT longer to get over her death and want a new relationship. So that didn't make sense to me either.
This is only meant as constructive criticism, maybe to think about for future stories. I just don't think people should just blindly say 'I love you' with no backing reasons. And it's hard for me to then feel sorry for the character who gets hurt (Bella) when they TOTALLY set themselves up for the fall. It was more...'it serves you right' kind of thing for me...
Thanks for the read though!
| mamato 12/15/11 . chapter 7
Thanks for your response. I just read this chap with the attempted rape, and it FRUSTRATES me more than anything that this Bella is nothing but a doormat. I guess maybe you can say I'm NOT enjoying this story, but want to see how it turns out.
I just HATE reading a Bella that will constantly THROW herself at a man who clearly doesn't want her (regardless if he is confused), treats her coldly, attempts to rape her, after which SHE makes excuses for HIM, and STILL cannot explain or answer his direct questions:
"I want you to explain to me why you are so happy here. You say you can not explain how you love me...you also have given me no reasons to keep you here. If I do not let Jacob Black take you away, what kind of life do you see yourself living in a place such as this? Fairy tales from your youth are filled of white horses, prince charmings, sparkling castles...true fairy tales are not your perfect perceptions of such things. A true fairy tale is finding someone whom you would give up everything for. I can not expect you to have that with me. Jacob Black can give you that, Isabella."
Her answer is that she doesn't believe in fairytales and only wants to be his Bella, is NO answer!
Then she BEGS him to let her stay AGAIN.
Yeah...frustration for the major ego beating she is freely taking upon herself, and that she would lower herself to only being second best/place in Edward's life, rather than Jacob who she loved and loved her back. She even has this opportunity, to go home, which Edward rightfully knows she should, and she basically lies on the floor and says 'PLEASE STEP ON ME! I'LL JUST TAKE THE SCRAPS OF YOUR HEART, AND I'LL BE FINE!'
| mamato 12/15/11 . chapter 6
Okay - so she actually does feel a little remorse for being so fickle? And what in God's name does she see in Edward at this point. He has been nothing but cordial toward her and making his feelings very clear. This is an unrequited love, so she is an IDIOT for choosing someone like Edward over Jacob at this point. I just can't figure out what she has fallen in love with about him, as normally, you can only feel sympathy for someone like him at this point in his grieving.
"Thoughts of Jacob Black came to mind and she wondered if she could ever think of him as more than a good friend again. In her mind, it was clear that Edward would dominate that part of her life until probably the end of it. Briefly, she considered writing to him. She felt the need to apologize...but she quickly pushed that notion to the back of her head. Jacob did not deserve to have to hear from her and not be able to be with her. The mere thought of it was cruel and she prepared the pages she'd just written to Alice to be sent, desperately trying to kick the guilt she was feeling—over everything."
And I LOVE that Edward asked these exact questions directly and she STILL would NOT answer! She will not say how she was so fickle with feelings. Or admit to the unfaitfulness of her heart. OR give reasones WHY she wants to stay. "For you." is not good enough. She doesn't say what about him she cares for, and that is what confounds me...
"So you are here a couple weeks and already can forget your beloved Jacob back home?"
"You are just being mean now," she said quietly, trying to stop the tears which she knew were inevitable.
"Exactly what I am trying to explain. Why are you still here? What is in this for you?" he asked bluntly, taking a step towards her.
She had nowhere to go as the door was closed behind her. Instead of cowering, or running and hiding like he had mentioned, she squared her shoulders and took a step even closer to him. She could feel his breath he was so close. "You. I am in this for you. While you may not have developed those feelings you claimed you have, I verily developed those for you!"
Emotions poured through her that she had never experienced. He was so close to her, the urge to kiss him once again pounded through her veins. Everything in her wanted him. She fought those feelings, though, vowing that he would make the decision if and when they would actually kiss as married couples so often do. When she saw the torment return to his face, she stilled completely. Seconds later, he guided her gently from the door, opened it, and walked out. Isabella sat there, looking at the spot he had just been occupied, and wondered to herself what the devil the benefits of being there truly were.
Maybe she'll get it now...to let herself fall for someone she KNOWS will never reciprocate was foolisness!
"I want to accept that they are gone. That is why I wanted to go to the ball but I feel that perhaps I should not accept it. I should not have married you, Isabella. It was wrong of me. Now, go to sleep."
| mamato 12/15/11 . chapter 5
I had a really hard time with this chapter. I think Edward's emotions about Kate are right on par, as she just passed away, and he loved her (as hard as that is for me to accept as I am strictly a B/E fan, and HATE to know that he shared such emotion and intimacy with another woman). So, he has NOT had the proper time to grieve for a wife and child. I cannot FATHOM what Esme and Carlisle were thinking by arranging a marriage so soon. Why not give him a year to get through this? They wanted him happy IMMEDIATELY after their deaths? That makes NO sense whatsoever.
But what I have an even harder time with is Bella's feelings towards Edward. I find her to be very fickle and unloyal to who she really is in this chapter. She was a girl in love with Jacob. Everything about him was strong and comfortable and safe, and she wanted nothing more than to be married to him. And within a couple weeks, she not only waivers on her feelings for him which shows how disgustingly unfaithful to her heart she is, but she doesn't even want to go home to see her father or Alice. On top of that, she is fighting to stay with a man, who has told her more than once that he is still in love with his wife and child and will NEVER be able to replace her. He is cold to her and has been secretive. WHY would she want that over being with her family and Jacob? I completely don't understand what she sees in Edward. He is a broken man, who may care about her well-being, but he has NOT had enough time to get over his wife to even CONSIDER being with someone else. She even noticed his tears as she touched him intimately. Doesn't she feel completely dejected by that? Knowing that he was feeling so overwhelmingly guilty for letting another woman touch him so soon after Kate's death?
None of Bella's reactions or emotions are rational, logical, or even comprehendable in this chapter...even this:
"She wondered if it was possible to feel so attached to him when she barely knew him, when he acted so coldly towards her, and when he seemed to be completely confused concerning whether or not he should send her back to her family. Even for Jacob, she knew she was not willing to leave Edward, and that thought scared her more than anything."
So she even KNOWS how absurd her feelings are, and if I was her, I would feel so incredibly guilty for being so fickle and feeling more for a man who doesn't want her, than for a man she supposedly loved and loved her back not only 2 weeks before...can you explain?
| jesigrl007 12/13/11 . chapter 15
what a wonderful way to end the story...all the children love it! ok now impatiently waiting for the next story...
| csp4 12/13/11 . chapter 15
LOL LOL Jacob as King:::)))
Miss Charlotte & Peter? Wow!
Great story! Well written. Thanks for sharing:)
| csp4 12/13/11 . chapter 14
| csp4 12/13/11 . chapter 13
| csp4 12/13/11 . chapter 12
"I do not know if that is for the best..." Grrrr:( What's with all these asswipe men that think they know 'what's best'?
"I will allow you to return home and I will make sure you are provided for" sure you will:( you threw her out before without a care for her safety, not caring to see if her father was dead or alive, not caring if she had food:( It would take a long time for me to trust his idiot ass:(
| csp4 12/13/11 . chapter 11
"He knew that there was the chance her reputation could have been blemished over his mistakes" Hmmmm, you think, Asswipe?