This, my friend, is impressive. A little more description of things (the area, objects, people, etc.), and you could have a professional career (don't get me wrong, you're a great writer, but the publishers don't have the same standards that I do).

This is good because of all the effort put into making it sound like the actual characters, are the one's speaking, I'd almost feel like playing the game over, even if the main characters are not who you'd expect to be, the hints lead you to more gripping tales.

This is good...

This is REALLY good!

I... I gotta see more!

Loved always your a talented writer.