|Reviews for The Hornet's Girl|
| Saphura 10/10/12 . chapter 10
Everyone together now: Aaaawwwwwww!
Very nice little story, and I give you major credit for all the research you did for it, the effort clearly shows and my History Buff side enjoyed it!
I may not be Jewish, but I have a number of friends who are, and I liked how you incorporated the Jewish traditions into your story. It was very interesting. I also have a friend with the last name Scanlon, but that's another thing.
Oh, love the shout-out to the Hornet Sting! If you do write a sequel, I look forward to Britt perfecting it.
Excellent story over all!
| Frog1 10/6/12 . chapter 10
Great ending! Can't wait to see what Daniel Reid will think of being an instant grandfather!
| IcyWaters 10/5/12 . chapter 10
One question about the last chapter that threw me for a loop. The Hornet called Benny. Didn't the police arrest Benny on kidnapping charges?
Now onto the final chapter. You weren't teasing when you said it would be a doozy! Wow, where to begin? I loved Else managing to escape and Britt's determination to save Jack.
The trap door in the porch was right out of a pulp novel. Fantastic! As Krieger took out his revenge on Jack, I couldn't help but wonder what it must have been like for him to watch his wife die a brutal death, unable to save her. Even when I hated his character, I still held some sympathy. It's such a difficult scenario to ponder, with no easy answers.
Britt asking Frank for permission to marry Jack was priceless. I must be a bit old-fashioned because I find the tradition to be endearing.
I'm delighted by the happy ending, although it is painful how Else has suffered a traumatic childhood. No child should experience losing both parents so violently and having a deranged father terrorize her. At least she has Britt, Jack and Kato looking out for her now. :-)
I do have one quibble. You wrote: "But Kato looked back and shook his head. Krieger was dead." It was rather awkward when Krieger spoke the next line. I think it would read better if you changed it to: "Krieger was dying."
Thanks for the rollercoaster ride! It's been a fun adventure and I look forward to the next one.
| IcyWaters 10/5/12 . chapter 9
The opening scene was pure fun. I have a slight obsession when it comes to men with dual identities. Tony Stark flashed in my mind while reading about Britt testing the Hornet Sting. So, he perfected it, eh? :-) What I wouldn't give to actually see Kato's face!
But eek, how could you do that to Frank? I warn you, he had better be fine when all is said and done or I'm going to send Kato after you.
When the Hornet discovered Krieger's plans, the mention of a crematorium made me sick to my stomach. I'm glad he rounded up all of Krieger's men. I also liked how he planned ahead, utilizing canisters of Hornet gas. I enjoy seeing his clever side, whereas many get right to the action and the butt kicking.
As soon as Jack woke and realized the Hornet was standing over her, I knew something was wrong. I'm done here... I've got another chapter to get to!
| IcyWaters 10/2/12 . chapter 8
This chapter started off so tame and innocent... and then bang! My head is still spinning from the events. Just when you had me feeling some sympathy for Krieger and hoping he might change, you shove home just how evil he is.
I sat here as stunned as the Scanlon family when he lashed out at them as pigs. And poor Else, trapped amid the hatred. I feel so bad for her.
I was also surprised when Else knocked on Jack's door that night. I never expected her to run away from home and travel the distance alone at night. I'm also thrilled Jack broke the rule about no cooking on Saturday. It's terrifying to think what could have happened.
In an odd way, I also still feel a tinge of sadness for Krieger. I don't know what his beliefs were before his wife's murder, but in his grief, it would be easy for the Nazis to manipulate him to their cause. I suppose it's difficult to accept that a father who can dote on his daughter can be so evil.
I really admire the layers you give these characters. What will become of Else? Will she lose her father as she did her mother? But then, she shouldn't be with him anyway with his beliefs. Such a horrible scenario for an innocent little girl.
I'm more excited than ever to find out what happens next.
| IcyWaters 9/23/12 . chapter 7
This is definitely the saddest chapter yet. I kept hoping the Hornet would find a way to save Liam, but not all stories have happy endings. I expected the Hornet and Kato to get to the apartment and round up the gang before Liam showed up.
Despite the tragedy, at least Liam had a friend who cared about him there to comfort him during his final minutes. That made the scene go over just a tad bit easier.
At the risk of repeating myself, I'm still impressed by how you weave this adventure into history. The level of detail is remarkable! It creates a wonderful atmosphere. Is this a time period that has always fascinated you or did you begin researching it specifically for the story?
I am confused by one line. You wrote: "I still shiver thinking about it, all these years later." At first, I thought you jumped forward in time (our PMs were fresh in my mind), but Jack realizes she's in her room after the Hornet brought her home. Did that line sneak its way in there unintentionally or am I missing something?
Can't wait to see what you have in store for us next!
| IcyWaters 9/22/12 . chapter 6
Aha! That was a bit of foreshadowing back in chapter four, though the watch played a different role than I had anticipated.
Jack being entombed alive in a sarcophagus is downright creepy. It was interesting how she heard her brother's voice and the Hornet's, and not Britt's. I thought that might have been the first hint of his identity, not Britt's caution around her broken arm. Nice little twist. :-)
Britt may have a hard time getting the image of Krieger threatening Benny out of his mind, but the man acted just like a father out to save his child. Score another point for the German. I sure hope he turns out to be an ally!
I loved Kato coming to the rescue and Britt stumbling into the hospital. It's always difficult for our heroes with secret identities to obtain medical help, so I got a kick out of this scene.
I'm looking forward to the next update.
| IcyWaters 9/22/12 . chapter 5
Else going to services at a synagogue with the Scanlon family... Oh, my, what would Krieger say? Something tells me he won't be too pleased when he returns home from Germany. Especially considering what a chatterbox the little girl is.
I enjoyed the deepening relationship between Britt and Jack. I'd write more, but you pistol whipped our hero into unconsciousness and another chapter is waiting for me.
See you again in a few minutes. :-)
| IcyWaters 9/22/12 . chapter 4
I sure did miss this story! Glad to see the Hornet has stung you again. Sorry for the bad pun, but I couldn't resist. :-)
I thought the Scanlon surname was Irish in origin, but I like how you give the family Jewish roots. It adds another delicious layer to the Nazi storyline. How will Krieger react when he learns the woman he trusts with caring for his daughter is Jewish? I kept waiting for that tidbit to surface during the brunch date.
I have to admit that Krieger doting on his daughter softened me, too. For the first time since the start of this story, I'm hoping he might not be as bad as is alluded to. That perhaps he might turn on the Nazi party and help the Hornet. I certainly don't want to see him dead and Else orphaned.
Jealous Britt sure if fun. I'm surprised Jack didn't notice the show going on in the booth next to hers. I'm sure all eyes were on Gloria when she threw the champagne on Britt.
Hmm, is that some foreshadowing with the Texas Rangers badge? ;-)
I did notice one rough spot. You wrote:
I smiled at Else as Hans carefully unfolded her napkin onto Else's lap. "What kind of puppy is Odin? Czar is a pit-bull."
"He's a Rottweiler." Hans clarified, unfolding the napkin and putting it in Else's lap.
That napkin sure is getting a lot of work. :-) I'd suggest deleting one instance to avoid repetition.
You also wrote: What then?" Franks asked. That should be Frank.
I'm off to the next chapter.
| Saphura 9/14/12 . chapter 4
You have no idea how happy I was when I saw this story updated! I had almost forgotten about it!
So, since it has been a while, but I hope you continue with this story! It would be a shame to leave it off again on this kind of plot twist!
| IcyWaters 2/29/12 . chapter 3
My humblest apologies for not reviewing sooner. Life turned hectic as it has a habit of doing and fan fiction wasn’t a top priority. It’s good to delve back into this story! You have a knack for conjuring up great atmosphere. I’ve missed this version of the Hornet. :-)
Even though “The Lone Ranger” and “Challenge of the Yukon” didn’t premiere until a few years later, I got a kick out of the Hornet and Jack listening to the radio. It ties into that atmosphere thing I mentioned above. :-) I’m not convinced the Hornet would reveal that bit of family history to Jack, but her response and his ‘knowing look’ made it work.
Ooh, I was also surprised to see the mention of Clicker! I hope we get a few more glimpses of the Sentinel’s ladies during the course of this adventure. The scene of them in the beauty shop was fun and reminded me of Pat Weakley’s story, “In the Eye of the Beholder.” Any chance it was a nod to her work or was it just coincidence?
Hmm, just what is Liam up to? I sense he’s mixed up in trouble. For Jack’s sake, I hope I’m wrong – or that the Hornet can get him out of it!
There is one section of the narrative that I feel needs a bit of work. Near the beginning, when Jack entered the Club of the World’s back room, there was no mention of Kato’s presence. The Hornet and Jack listened to the radio program and he handed her the envelope. As soon as the Hornet bid her good night, Kato walked up to Jack to test her.
The abrupt change threw me for a second and I had to read that section a couple of times to figure it out. There’s a lack of transition. Did Jack leave the room? She remarks to Kato that his boss is in the next room, implying to me she exited and then he cornered her.
Did the Hornet depart, leaving an opening for Kato to slip in? If that’s the case, a small mention of the Hornet stepping into the hallway and Kato entering the room a few minutes later or the two masked men passing each other in the doorway would be much appreciated.
It’s just a little detail I feel would make the scene clearer – and stronger. Can’t wait for the next chapter!
| IcyWaters 11/25/11 . chapter 2
This was a wonderful chapter. I admire how you are working real history into the plot, such as the small mention of Krieger working with Henry Ford. It adds great depth and importance to the narrative.
It’s hard to imagine Krieger as charming and amiable. Not descriptions I’d attach to a Nazi, but then again, many of the most heinous people in history were described as such. I’m glad you’re crafting the villain as a real person with multiple traits and not merely the ‘Evil Nazi” (which would be an easy trap to fall into).
Regarding your author’s note, I thoroughly enjoyed the interaction between Britt and Jack. There was a nice flow to the scene and nothing felt forced. We saw Britt’s distraction, Jack’s temper and the group dynamics let us glimpse a lot of personality traits at play.
I’m looking forward to the next chapter. Oh, and the nods to Hornet lore were fun. :-)
| Frog1 11/23/11 . chapter 2
Great chapter! And its great you are adding Dan Reid...he was in only three episodes on the old radio series!
| EVRyderWriter 11/23/11 . chapter 2
Naw...naw, I like this. A lot.
The little nods to Al Hodge, George Trendle...the bits of historical details...you've captured the spirit of the radio-Hornet perfectly!
Jack...I like Jack. Good match for Britt/The Green Hornet. On that note, I agree with Britt: Krieger IS up to something.(Of course, we KNOW he's a Nazi...) I was like "The frig is he doing with Jack?" So this means I must continue to read!
The yacht club scene: It worked. Britt was an utter jerk and I wanted to slap him harder than Jack elbowed him but he's preoccupied. AND keeping up the "bored playboy." I'm glad he and Jack patched things up a bit (such a love, buying her those shoes. D'aww.)
Did you feel as though the scene was out of place? It really wasn't. You wanted (needed?) Britt to meet Jack out of Hornet costume. You did that in a believable and enjoyable way.
That's just me. You'll have to see what IcyWaters has to say. . I'll send you a PM should I think of anything else to say/pick at.
| IcyWaters 10/30/11 . chapter 1
This is an excellent improvement over the original version. The overall narrative has a much smoother flow and a more polished feel. "Club of the World" felt more like a rough draft whereas this is the finished piece. Bravo!
All of my previous concerns and questions have been addressed. I appreciate how you switched to the Green Hornet’s point of view, letting the reader into his world. After all, he’s the reason I’m reading this to begin with. :-)
I admire how you are weaving real history into this piece, with Krieger wanting the Hornet to destroy the Purple Gang. It’s a really fascinating aspect to explore. I like the reasons you give for the Hornet not to fool around with Jack – he’s suspicious and doesn’t want to let his guard down. Perfect!
I’m eagerly awaiting the next update! :-)