I enjoyed your story. I hope you decide to write more. We need more Ironside fiction.

absolutely loved this story! thank you so much, cant wait for more!

Thank you very much for writing an Ironside FF! I appreciate it!

Delighted to find another chapter of your story but sad that it has come to an end! I so enjoyed reading and looking forward to more stories from you. Well done!

looking forward to more!

glad I was right- that it was meant as crow!

clever

nice build up of the plot

it surely does not show that English is a foreign language for you, this is well written and compelling

Thanks for the early addition to this story! I am so loving the story and the recent addtion was awesome. Cant wait for more!

i am enjoying this soo much, thanks for posting early xx you have made my day. poor poorly ed!xx

Oh don't stop there! Do they get out if there or not?

First, I should say that I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to give you, as I'm already currently trying to help two people who requested my help.

But! You certainly have an exciting beginning. I can't see much that needs correcting in your prologue, aside from that bizarre problem with your opening quotation marks (") looking like two commas together (,,).

Sometimes I think you need a comma in there to more fully explain a sentence, such as here:

He watched him irritated, then explained:

It should probably read:

He watched him, irritated, then explained:

The second half, the part billed as chapter one, probably could use some more description of what's happening. To have Ed step out of the car and meet the villains in the same paragraph seems to be rushing it a bit. But this is a situation where it's more about individual writing style than grammatical rules, as far as I can tell, so I don't like to try to discourage someone from using their own style. I know that writing descriptions can be difficult.

Sentences like this, I usually try to write as being a bit more "involved" in the character's mind:

But he was aware that this was just the beginning of his own troubles.

I would instead write:

But this was just the beginning of his own troubles.

And a sentence like this:

A quick glance around the corner revealed them that there was just one car nearby with somebody waiting inside.

I would probably eliminate either the "them" or else put "to" before it.

This sounds a bit colloquial:

Mark didn't tell them that he was no cop, it didn't matter at the moment.

I would probably write:

Mark didn't tell them that he was not a cop; it didn't matter at the moment.

The semi-colon (;) joins together two parts of a sentence that could each be a separate sentence on their own.

Overall, your English is very good! I haven't seen any possible errors that native English speakers don't make too.

Oh don't stop there! Do they get out if there or not?

Iroside to the rescue! Hope he makes it in time.

Next chapter soon please!