|Reviews for Eternal Darkness:Epilogue|
| xel'lotathsushi 2/17/13 . chapter 1
Ah one of my favorite games of ALL TIMES. I loved every moment of it! And somehow wish this was canon! At least we got to see Pious' last scrap of humanity! The prose reflects the regret from his end and Alex's kindness, the ability to look past his misdeeds and remember who he once was. It was beautiful...
A little tear welling up here! *sniff*
I'm glad the others got a look in too, all thanking Alex and of course her gramps saying his last goodbyes *double sniffles*
You did it justice amigo! Well done! Consider it added to my favorites! Loving it!
| LightBlueRoses 1/26/12 . chapter 1
I like this!
you should write more Eternal Darkness fanfiction
| The Magic Pocket Turtle 1/25/12 . chapter 1
Sorry it took me so long to get to this! I've been pretty busy.
I think this is a nice alternative to the ending, and I like the idea of him 'reverting' back to his human self following the death of his god. Some of Alex's dialogue seems a little forced, but the rest is decently done.
| hecticlife 11/5/11 . chapter 1
Don't really know the game but I could tell from your excellent writing that it must have been an epic story - this piece of writing is full of emotion, passion and imagery. I am pleased that there was a final resting place for those caught up in the evil of the tome. I really do love the way you write.
| LabyrinthDweller 10/30/11 . chapter 1
This was, on the whole, rather good. I have to confess I'm never really one for these types of plots where the villain who has done so much wrong turns around at the end. It makes sense! I am not saying that! I would not have been disappointed if this scene appeared in the game! (In fact, you've succeeded, because it does sound like it could be in the game!) That is simply my preference and I'm letting you know now just so you can be wary if I do allow bias to seep through in my review. (I certainly hope it won't, I'll try not to!)
I think my favorite part was the very end where ALL the spirits of the Tome appeared to her, not just her grandfather. That is a marvelous idea that I wouldn't ever trade out; A chance to meet/see the people she had been reading about is an experience I would love to see elaborated more on. As for the actual meat of the story, I think you got Pious's speech spot on. Of the words Pious would say, those definitely sounded like the perfect words. I also really liked where Alex briefly commented on how relieved she was that her humanity hadn't left as fast as her sanity did. (as well my nerdy side enjoyed it when you brought Roman mythology into the mix)
Again as a whole you've got a good solid story here, good storyline, easy to follow and relate to, the rest I would only have to critique on lies in grammar and other preferences like that.
Most often what I say about grammar is read; and read a lot. When you read, notice how the author formats their sentences. Of course don't do this so fervently that you completely forget to enjoy the story you're reading, but the more you read and the more you pick up on how people use their grammar the better you can learn via diffusion to apply that to your own stories. Of course not everything authors write is going to be in stark perfect grammar. If something was written with precise grammar and structure it'd be as boring as a college textbook, you'd have to take note of how they manipulate the structures as well to make a point. Some authors I suggest, I guess, are Jim Butcher (for your first-person stories), Stephen King, Brian Jacques (for dialogue especially), and George R.R. Martin. Of course I am operating on the assumption that you're mature enough to handle grown-up stuff so I threw in King and Martin, but if you're not I guess just be wary that those authors aren't always PG-13 here. xD (buuut I was reading King at the age of 13 or 14 or so and boy oh boy do his high schoolers...um...next topic.)
My biggest thing about expanding stories, myself, and my personal preferences, is to expand your paragraphs. This may be a little tricky because then you have to decide which details are deadwood and which details will add to the depth of the story. To bring my own pieces into example, when I was writing up the Gladius of the Damned series where the light of the gladius shined on Alex's face, I could've taken time to describe what her face looked like, but instead I described specifically what the light looked like on her face. Decisions like that usually are common sense and a quick glance at the situation, but I've been doing it for so long it may be harder than I remember, I dunno. Good authors for taking details into consideration (who spend paragraphs on description) are the same authors I mentioned before, pretty much. Especially George R.R. Martin and Brian Jacques. (it's kind of my thing where I like descriptive authors, so) If you go the Brian Jacques route be prepared to be hungry, because does he ever take his time describing the food in such a way that you want it. Badly.
Those are basically my main pointers I give to people. The only other thing I have to comment on is to make sure the audience knows who's talking. I'm not exactly looking for he said she said Name said after EVERY dialogue piece, but just be sure that people understand where the words are spouting from. From this piece it's pretty easy to see that Edward's the one flapping his gums at the end, but if I have to pause and double check then it needs to be just a little clearer, if that makes sense. (I'm also pretty adamant about this because I read an Alien vs. Predator book where the specific author was absolutely TERRIBLE about this and the characters talking did not have a dialect different enough to tell between the two. I was glad when I was done with that specific author within those books.)
Anyways, I think I've overstayed my welcome. (And broke your rambling record too! Holy crap!)
The last thing I have to say is keep writing no matter what, try new things, and don't be afraid if something sounds bad. People may flame it, that just means they have a teensy brain. If you're open to critique (which I believe you are) then people should be a hella lot more reasonable when talking with you.
Keep it up!