Apparently, I'm a sucker for 2nd POV's (and angst, really)... I couldn't concentrate on taking note of things that needs to be improved, because I was too busy drinking in the angst. Maybe there wasn't any.

Okay, I shall praise you instead! I like the flow of the actions here. They're smooth. I feel genuinely sad for Soi Fon. I feel her insecurity and her desolation. Really sad. I like the metaphors you used... And what else? Ah, the last word "Betrayal." That really summed it all up really. Really nice ending, even though it's sad one.

Good job! Keep it up! :D

this was a good chapter...