Well.I kinda like the you make Kasumi look like she would have fought teleported away from the fire or teleported behind really need to try to stick to peoples personality' had Ayane personality just right. But you made Kasumi a weak little puppy with no shinobi fix I would like to see the next chapter.

Quite good, but why the viewpoint switch in chapter 2? It would have been better to stick with 1st or 3rd person viewpoint, not switch. Chapters also a bit short. But a dramatic story...keep it up!

hey uh... you really need to work on your spelling. The ending was also a big dissapointment becuase it was so short and the way it made almost no sense at all... besides that good work :)

Oh.

Ayane killing Hayabusa?

Well, I don't like Ayane-hates-Kasumi-stories, but otherwise, it's really good!

I'd be glad if the next chapters won't be so mean to poor Kasumi-chan ...