|Reviews for Adventitious|
| pyrotigre 11/25/11 . chapter 1
hi... well what i was wondering is why was fluttershy sobbing? was she sad about someting? this story isnt bad but the deails are crutial. the more the better, because it gives you some room to expand in either a sub plot or give hints or better yet, have them comeback as part later in the story to either make you unverse more complete, or herald a similar event. anothe possibility added details give you, it lets you bring a plausible how if they don't conflict. show me don't tell me. gosh i sound like my enlish teacher... sorry if it bug you
| Delicious Caek 11/25/11 . chapter 1
Okay, so obviously I've done a bit of reviewing of your work. But here we go.
First like I've mentioned, I love your story. And like I've stated sometimes your tense will flutter back and forth between past and present tense. But there are instances where it works and while it sounds awkward, it can work for the situation.
As I've helped you with, your grammar and spelling has to be worked on. But that's why you've got me. Also, you've got to work on pacing, because I feel like you go too fast. You need to slow down, and allow the readers to take in the story, because it could be like a billion times cooler (in ten seconds flat). Anyways, I think if you added to the next chapter, perhaps going a little more in depth on what happened to Fluttershy and your character, or go in depth into what the other ponies are up to, it will help.
Also, a suggestion for the next chapter(s), perhaps Fluttershy runs off to show her new human friend to Rainbow Dash, and gets caught up with all the other ponies and their new humans.
You are a great author, man, and I love reading your stories. Also I miss roleplaying with you and stuff cuz I do love hearing about your characters.
Also you know I love pinkie and want Pinkie and me to be bros.