What an awesome story! One of the best DBZ stories you have read in a while.

I liked your villain and I liked the irony that they could only defeat her with her own weapon.

I'll definitely keep an eye out for your future works!

great job on the story and very origonal idea.

Yeah, I tend to disregard the whole "no moon" issue. You're right - the moon is needed for things like the tides and romantic nights. ;) I like to think that the moon was wished back with the dragonballs at some point. You know - just one of the those little wishes like a life time supply of strawberries or supreme underwear. After all, there are no more tailed Saiyans to worry about.

Speaking of dragonballs, I don't know if they're going to gather them and wish the killed people back or not! Chi-chi was adamantly against Goku running off again. Yeah Chi-chi - screw those other people and their dead loved ones! Sheesh.

I don't know what to make of that latent destruction. It seemed tagged on and - because the story basically ended right after a bunch of people died - unresolved. Yeah, enslavement of the entire world is much worse, but still - sloppy save, Z fighters! They should have made sure that the witch was dead.

I was a little disappointed that Seether was still clinging to life and that she was able to pull off that malicious attack right at the end. She stole the victory from our heroes by getting away with that. Plus, the slow death and her last minute vengeance spell (with a rose no less) almost painted her as a tragic hero - which she was so NOT. She was a great villainess that you love to hate, but that's it.

One last thing to point out: If Seether knows of everything that happens on Earth, she should have known that Bulma was not dead. It would make perfect sense however if she had deceived Vegeta for her purposes - telling him that his mate was dead and then using her mind control to convince him that her ki signature was extinguished. The Z fighters can sense life force, remember. If someone is dead, they know about it. Which is why it doesn't make much sense that the highly trained Goku, Trunks, and Goten couldn't sense Bulma's ki either.

In my opinion, Toriyama endowed his characters with WAY too many super-human abilities, but what are you going to do. It makes it tough to come up with a formidable opponent and keep things challenging for them. Case in point - Vegeta shouldn't have fallen into that crevasse at the beginning. Even if he had been caught off guard and DID fall, he would quickly react and stop his descent. But then we wouldn't have a story, would we? All things considered, you came up with good solutions that gave Seether the upper hand and made her a force to be reckoned with.

Anyway, this was a fun story. Solid plot, great character interaction, excellent villain. The story kind of dragged after Vegeta was taken prisoner by Seether, but things picked up again when Relena and her group finally reached their destination. All in all, it was an enjoyable read!

Wow, great cliff-hanger! Great anti-climax too, when Vegeta and Bulma were reunited only for Seether to rope him in against his will with her dark power. I noticed that Seether is referred to as an incubus when she should have been called a succubus. An incubus is a male energy-stealing demon while a succubus is female.

That was a funny moment when Piccolo was complimented by one of the fanatics! I also appreciate that you use the contraction "you're" correctly, unlike many people. :)

I stand corrected. If she's aware of all the events that transpire on the planet, then she would know of the Saiyan invasion and what their armor looked like.

They meet at last! I must say, Vegeta looks pretty cool in his armor. Looking forward to seeing him wield a sword!

Glad they finally made it! I thought it was odd that Seether had compared the dark armor with Vegeta's Saiyan armor. How does she know what Saiyan armor looks like? All the more reason not to use 1st person. Were you using 3rd person narration this comparison would have been just fine. I would have liked to have seen how she obtained Vegeta's new armor. Did she create it with magic or did she obtain it from an underground catacomb, imbuing the armor - like the sword - with her dark energy?

I can tell that Seether's decision to leave the memory of Bulma in Vegeta's mind will come back to bite her in the ass! :D

I've been enjoying the Seether/Vegeta scenes. I would have liked to have see more of them. I enjoy Seether's psychological manipulation of her poor captive. It's also fun to see how differently Vegeta behaves while under the mind control. I have to point out a mistake when Bulma examines the cooled lava. When lava is cool enough to touch it is hard as rock (because it is rock).

I'm glad we got back into a little action. The last chapter was a little disappointing. The comic relief in the last chapter went on for about the entire thing, and it wasn't balanced out with the seriousness and gravity that a Seether/Vegeta scene would have presented. It felt like filler that was trying to be funny but was falling short.

The filler spilled over into this chapter, but at least there was some action near the end. I'd like the opposing parties to confront each other at this point. Their journey underground has been going on longer than necessary, and it's just slowing the whole story down.

I love how you came up with that prophecy and how everything fell into place. Yeah, those guys REALLY should have given Relena the literal translation. Words can be interpreted in so many different ways.

Ooookaaay...I am SO glad I circled back again to see if this chapter was viewable yet. If I hadn't, I indeed would have been missing a LOT.

This chapter was GREAT. Excellent fighting sequence, and I think fairly realistic as well. Yes Bra's half Saiyan, but she's also an individual, and everyone has their own individual skill level. We don't know much about Bra but, like you, I'm under the impression that she didn't train anywhere near the level that her brother did - if at all. Daddy's little girl. :)

Relena's reaction to Bra's incredible background was great! Very realistic and kind of funny too. :) I love how the mantra of "holy s***" kept playing through her head. I think I'd be thinking the same things if I were her. :D

Ooh, that was good. I can't really blame your villainess for feeling the way she does. ;D

The end of this chapter was great! The moment Bulma told Vegeta to put some jeans on I was thinking, "oh crap".

I couldn't view chapter 7 for some reason or another. I kept getting an error message from . I couldn't help but plow ahead though. I'm enjoying this story too much. Hopefully I'm not missing much. :)

So THIS is how she's been gaining her power so quickly. She's feeding off Vegeta's powerful negative energy. I thought that she had been creating the nightmares, since she had been able to actually do physical damage to him. So it was actually the Fates trying to warn him with those dreams? I get that, and I get that he could be reacting badly to them and end up giving her more power. I enjoyed the irony of that. I just don't understand how SHE would be able to scratch him through the dream. That kind of connection implies that she's the perpetrator of the nightmare.

Anyway, good chapter. As I stated earlier - not a fan of 1st person narration. Bulma sounded too dramatic and serious to be her. It would have been just as effective (if not more so) to relate the nightmare events in real time from a 3rd person perspective and incorporate their dialog with each other, rather than using a 1st person recollection. In fact, I think doing so would have made it more dynamic. Describing something that has already happened has a way of decreasing the sense of urgency.

Okay, your author's note at the end of the chapter really made me laugh! :D

I was hoping for another dream sequence! It was good, if a bit of a tease. Once again I would have liked it if the chapter were a tad longer.

I must admit I harbor a bit of prejudice against first person narration. It's easier to get away with if it's an original character, but not so much for an established character like Vegeta. Vegeta sounds less like himself and more like a poet as he describes the dream. I love the way you related the dream; the writing was beautiful and intense. It just doesn't sound like Vegeta speaking. Best to stick with third person narration when doing descriptive writing.