wow now that was one intense story amazing but you should do a sequeal. maybe you have im going to go check

wow now that was an intense story

This is a very good story!

Waaaaai! Okay, I must defend/explain myself. First off, arigatou gozaimasu, minna! Your support had been wonderful and I'm so very glad you enjoy this story. It was supposed to be short...but kinda ran away with me. Anyway, defend might be a strong way to phrase it. First, I do enjoy a good, honest review. How else are we to grow if we never find out our weak points. But I am going to try and explain a few points you made. As far as Tenchi Muyo! fic goes, I am a firm believer in not making a story revolve around a new character. However, it is my opinion that Tenchi isn't the main character. Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Washu, Mihoshi and Kiyone...whoops, Ryo-oki are too. As long as you give one of the main characters the man role along with the new character, it should fly well, in this case Ryoko. I am aware, also, that I may have leaned this story a bit towards the new character. It kinda just flowed out like that, didn't mean to do it. So I figure it's okay since I tied Ryoko into it so deeply, personal opinion is deciding here. As for formatting, it was actually a part I enjoyed. The reason I spaced some parts and blended others was for dramatic emphasis. You know, kinda letting everything go smooth then BAM!....event that pops out. So I blended some places on purpose. Keeping with the OAV was a concern of mine, but I also wanted to come out a bit fresh. Tenchi-Ayeka-Ryoko stuff gets a bit tedious to write after a while so I just popped it in there once and awhile. I was more concerned with developing the Jaaku/Ryoko relationship, which I thought was really good ^^ Kept you guessing, ne? I wanted to approach it as new as I could. So in the end I wasn't trying to shift the focus to the new character, but the interactions of the new character with the original characters, i.e. Ryoko. If it came out like that, I guess I didn't write it as well as I believed. In the end though, I appreciate the review and the criticism, it'll help on future projects. Maybe I should rename it as an original fic so I can get the 9.4 rating, ne? Heh, well I believe that is all. Thanks everyone for the support and I am going to finish this story soon. Thanks!

This story is pretty good. There are a few problems with it. Remember, this is a Tenchi Muyo! flic. It should not revolve a new character. On another note, The format is good but some of your paragraphs need to be sepparated. Just because thoughts are of similar veins (such as descriptions, etc.) each different action, or change in thinking, or focus on attention (such as in a description) need separate paragraphs so that the reader doesn't get all the details mixed up. These formatting errors will detract from a fic, no matter how good the story. My only other complaint is that you haven't tied much of the story into the Tenchi OAV Universe. I think more focus needs to be made on the character dynamic that was previously existing (the Tenchi/Ayeka/Ryoko triangle, etc.). While Tenchi does indeed get nervous around Ryoko, especially when Ayeka is around, it isn't always as severe as you have made it out to be. It is still a good story, and a good read, but I don't know if having the Tenchi Character's is necessary for the fic (a major problem). This might have been better as a completely Original fic, maybe only involving one or two of the cast (Washu and Ryoko, Maybe Tenchi. In OAV, if you don't use Manenatsu No Eve, then Kiyone can be inserted wherever it is appropriate). By shifting the focus away from the Main characters and focusing around the struggles of a new character, this fic has lost quite a bit in the translation. It IS a good read though. Just not as a Tenchi Fic. 5.7/10 (I have already gone over what you lost points for. If this wasn't set up as a Fan fic, then it would have gotten a 9.4) Keep up your work.

I really love this fic....please continue!

Wow great story and Chapter14 was good but damn what a twist.:)

*sniffles* That's... *sniffles* I want a big brother instead of a little brother now. *sniffles* I'm liking Jaaku more and more. Please continue asap!

I like the plot line and the surprise you put in. I hope that the next chapters will be just as good. Write back c-ya!!!

Tenchi would've wiped the floor with this Sento guy if he'd just used the Lighthawk Wings, you know.

^_^ The brother-sister relationship is wonderful between Ryoko and Jaaku. Now we get to meet Dargon... ^_~

o.O Whoa. Wow. Cool. Keep going! ^^

Good chapter. Keep writing! ;)

Beautiful and touching.... *sniff*

Kiyone was rather neurotic with that jealously thing. "Oh, no! He looked at someone else! ::death glare::" I'm waiting for the next chapter now...